My name is Pauline King Shannon. I am currently looking for a 3-4 bdrm home for my family. Ideally in NW London, something closer to where my partner works.
Our current location has asbestos in the basement. So we urgently need to move.
There is my partner, myself, and our baby daughter. I also have 2 other children that visit on weekends, that we may get custody of soon (Best to prepare, just in case). We also have 3 small shiatsu’s.
My partner is a Site Supervisor in construction, building homes. I am a stay at home parent (blogger & artist.) We can afford rent that is from $900 + utilities or $1,200 inclusive.
If you have anything available that would suit our needs, please contact us.
Pauline King Shannon
I am doing much better since my last blog post. But yeah, I’m sure you can understand my frustrations with the Children’s Aid Society. Smh.
I had some time to think, and I don’t think bringing me out to court was to have me watch these people give my children away. That wasn’t the purpose, I mean. Ya know? Everything happens for a reason. So maybe they just wanted me to know what’s going on, so that I can do something about it, if it comes down to that. Basically like; Hey! Nudge nudge. You need to be plan B.
So rather than seeing this as an obstacle, see it as a potential possibility. Ya know? My children could finally be coming back home to mom.
Now I don’t want to be the one to hurt my ex. I have been through that kind of pain, the loss of your children, and I wish that on no one. But if C.A.S and the judge do happen to decide that my ex is unfit to parent, then I will be there to step up into my place.
So yeah. Best to prepare than not be ready for what could possibly happen.
So instead of seeking for a 2 bedroom place, my partner and I have been searching for a 3 bedroom townhouse or house to rent. Say we do get my son and eldest daughter in our care, we’ll need the extra space.
We didn’t get accepted for the last townhouse unit we were looking at, but I think I made a quick recovery, and we have already viewed and filled an application for another. This is our 4th attempt. So let’s hope we get it.
Yeah, a lot hit us all at once. But slowly but surely, rather than getting overwhelmed and panicking, focus on getting all my ducks lined up, and take it one day at a time. I know I can do it. If I got myself into Western in the past, I can get everything I need to do now, done.
So yeah, tomorrow I have an appointment with my lawyer, to come up with a plan if C.A.S can’t serve my ex, and if he doesn’t co-operate with them. Basically it’s just that my partner and I are willing and can care for my son and eldest daughter if it comes down to that. Rather than them going into foster care.
But first I kind of got to get out of this house with asbestos. I am working on it.
For awhile there, even my left knee was stressing me out. I was worrying that maybe I would need surgery again. Especially after the weekend, after walking up and down steep hills. It is very swollen, and slows me down. It drives me nuts not being able to keep up with my family. It rarely hurts, but yeah, after that hike, I was feeling it. However, I put an ice pack on it at night, and yeah. Still swollen, but at least no more sharp shooting pains when I put weight on my left leg.
We decided that we’ll focus on moving and court, before I take care of my knee. I’m just hoping my knee can hold off that long. Pretty sure it’s a meniscus tear again. The re-occurrence of an old injury. Might have been all the squats with my baby. The amount of times I go from standing to sitting in order to feed. Perhaps my knees can’t handle my own weight, plus my baby’s. So I have been more careful, even though it’s too late.
The weekend was good. My daughter baked a cake for the puppies, Chewie and Spaz. It’s their birthday. Since we didn’t have icing, I improvised and melted marshmallows on top. It turned out pretty good. Don’t worry, we didn’t give it to the dogs. We kind of ate it on their behalf. Lol
I went to McMahen Park with my girls, and my eldest daughter surprised me. She could run around the playground in 12 seconds. I know, I used the timer on my cell and timed her. It was a good thing we went to the park. She clearly had some energy to burn. Lol
On Sunday we tried to go fishing, but yeah, no fish this time. So we went to Gibbons Park, and had better luck with berry picking.
I fell asleep last night, so yeah. This blog is taking 2 days to complete.
So today I meet with my lawyer. Hopefully it all goes well. Yesterday I was supposed to call a bunch of places to view and whatnot. But I managed to arrange one. My man really likes it, so fingers crossed and positive thoughts! Majority of my day was spent on the phone with Legal Aid so that I have some financial coverage for this current case between my ex and C.A.S. Basically so my lawyer gets paid, however I appreciate that he shows up regardless when it comes to any case regarding my children and I. He’s been involved since the beginning. The perks of sticking to one lawyer, they know your case and you don’t have to start from scratch.
I would also like to thank all the people that have been trying to help us find a place, and thanks to the peeps that have been supportive and encouraging, especially my man’s mother. She’s been awesome when we need advice. Which reminds me, thanks to Aunt Corrine, for the tip regarding court. I will be sure to use it. My man’s older sister, she’s been giving some pointers as well.
Thanks to my OW worker. She’s been helpful, and understanding.
I am going to try to stay positive and optimistic. We will get through all of this. We kind of got hit with a number of curve balls all at once. Funny how life does that. But yeah, one thing at a time. We can do this. Peace and love. – Pooks
“There are no short cuts to any place worth going.”
It’s been a long rough morning at court. Freakin cried afterwards. But I can do this…I hope. The judge was going to have my son and daughter apprehended from my ex and placed into foster care today, but he changed his mind. However, if my ex fails to cooperate soon, they will be placed into foster care. Meaning: that I will have to fight C.A.S for custody of them both. It’s scary because I already had lost once to them, but this time around I have support. It could work out differently.
*Deep breath….* My lawyer has asked me to book an appointment with him as soon as possible. We’re getting ready to fight for my kids. This mama hasn’t gone anywhere, I’ve been waiting here for them to come home the whole time.
What really pisses me off is that I tried to warn CAS about my ex years ago. But no, rather than listen, they would rather twist my words around. When I said “come clean” I meant as in telling the truth, not coming off drugs as they tried to make it seem. Yet I’m clean as fuck, and am only addicted to coffee and cigarettes. Bunch of fuckin fuck ups! Waaah! It would have taken too much work to scrap what they had and start over. LAZY FUCKS!! Of course I was lying on my exes behalf back then, I was in a domestic abusive relationship!! What do they expect??
“No no no. The ex is a saint, he’s a white man.”
” Whoops! I guess his mental health problems of having a personality disorder, and being beyond paranoid, homicidal/ suicidal and obsessive didn’t miraculously go away as we claimed.”
Fuckin idiots! smh If only there was a way to bitch slap the entire organization. Guuuuh!!! Idiots!!
I’m going through a mix of emotions. Sadness, fear, rage, and even empathy. For so many years I have hated my ex for what he did. But now?? I kind of feel sad and sorry for him. I don’t even think he can control his paranoia. He’s been that way for as long as I’ve known him. I used to think it was just the drugs back in the day. Nope. It’s something else entirely. That’s the way he actually thinks.
Apart of me thinks he brought it all upon himself. Which he has.
I know our kids love him, of coarse they do. He’s their father. And maybe he’s exaggerating his role to protect them. To the point of isolation.
The court is giving him a chance to cooperate, but I fear he won’t. Our kids need at least one parent willing to fight for them, not hide. They can still be with a biological parent. I won’t give up.
I’m kind of angry at him too, for all this stupidity that could have been prevented. Thanks to him, CAS is back in our lives. Thanks to him, I may be forced to go head to head against C.A.S again. I don’t look forward to it, but if I want my children to remain a part of my life, I will have to fight for it. Even though I’m not the one with the “red flag” dangling over my head so to speak. Talk about fair eh? Let’s not even consider the mother as an option, let’s just bring her to court and have her watch us give her children away. That is cruel, and yeah. That just about happened. I shouldn’t be surprised though, that’s CAS for ya.
But whatever. My man is by my side, and is being an amazing support. He says we can do this. So I’m not alone.
I think the next court date is July 28th. I will likely post the date again in the future when I know for sure. But if you do support me, make your presence known and show up. Even just for emotional support. Court can be rough on a family. It’s hard on me. Obviously. Look at the number of emotions I’m going through just trying to process it all. I would appreciate it.
All my readers know my story, what I’ve gone through over the years. I love my son and my daughter. There is no doubting that. I know if it comes down to it, that my partner and I can give them a more positive lifestyle. I know we can.
Anyways, that’s my update about the court thing. Things look kind of ugly. But thanks to my partner and my lawyer, I still have hope.
Thanks for reading and tolerating my mix of emotions. I swear it must drive some people up the wall getting into my head. But hey, that’s why this whole blog thing started. People wanted to know. Peace and love! -Pooks
“ Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”
It’s been an interesting day to say the least.
What started out as another regular day took an unexpected turn after receiving a voice mail message from C.A.S in the morning. So I called the worker back, and she said she had court documents that she wanted to drop off to me, and that I should text the father.
Anyways, I thought about my baby, partner and I. Our C.A.S file was closed shortly after we returned home after our baby’s birth. So it couldn’t be in regards of us. So that leaves my ex, and my 2 eldest children. Sure enough, after receiving the documents and reading them, it’s about them. And now I have been summoned to go to court tomorrow morning.
Basically C.A.S want a court order to have my ex under C.A.S supervision for 6 months due to numerous safety concerns.
I knew C.A.S was going to get involved at some point when it comes to my ex and the elementary schools. I mean, my daughter constantly late for school. My son being pulled out of school to be home schooled, which isn’t happening. So yeah, now my son is more behind than he was.
But I can’t be blamed for any of this, because technically, my ex is bringing all this upon himself. Rather than letting the school help our children, he takes them and runs/ hides. He thinks the schools are out to get him or something.
I tried to text my ex, trying to explain how serious this is, he could lose custody of our children. But I don’t think I got through to him. He firmly believes there is a gang of teachers against him out of spite.
So yeah, if he continues to behave the way he has been, he will lose our children. Hense, why I am going to court, so at least one of us is willing to be there for the sake of our kids future. I don’t want them to end up in foster care. I’m still right here!
If he fails to cooperate with the Children’s Aid Society, or continues to behave the way he has been, than my man and I have no other choice but to stand up so to speak. We will care for my eldest children if need be.
I’d go more into detail, but I have court to attend in the morning. Basically C.A.S is concerned for numerous reasons. Hygiene, cleanliness, neglect, my exes mental health ( paranoia), etc.
I know he has had issues with the schools, both St. Francis and Wilfred Jury. I’ve mentioned it numerous times within my other blog domain; Pooks82 Online Blog. http://www.pooks82.wordpress.com
Anyways, I will see how it goes tomorrow at court. Unfortunately my lawyer won’t be there, as he will be in St. Thomas dealing with another case. So he asked me to try to stick around until he returns to London, around 11:30am. I’ll try, but I will have my baby with me, meaning my time there depends on her. However, this case is scheduled for 10am, possibly sooner.
Other than that, my man and I viewed another townhouse today, and my man likes it better than the one he viewed not that long ago. It’s bigger, and in a better location. So hopefully we get it. That means we will have to get our money back from the last place we looked at. My man already put in a deposit on that. So hopefully he can get it back.
If we get this bigger unit, we won’t be moving in until August. Meaning we’ll have more time to put money away and save up as much as we can.
The lady/ landlord that showed us the place seemed to have liked us. So I’m really hoping we get the place. It would be a step up for us. Moving from EOA to NW London. Plus, it’s closer to where my man works. So less money will be spent on gas when it comes to my partner getting to and from work.
If it ever comes down to that point where my man and I become the caregivers of my 2 eldest children, with this new place we’ll have the space.
Got to think of these things and be prepared, just in case.
Anyways, I better go to bed and get some sleep. It’s going to be an early morning, and a long day tomorrow.
Thank you for reading! Peace and love – Pooks
So I guess my man’s boss is power-tripping since the whole getting busted for the strip club thing. Yes, his wife did find out.
Anyways, he let’s my partner use his company truck. It never bothered him before if my partner used it for personal use. As long as he paid for his own gas, and took care of the vehicle, which he has. But now, my man’s boss is asking my man for the amount of km’s that has been used lately. Funny how this is suddenly an issue.
Besides, it’s not my partner he’s bitter at, it’s me. He’s just taking it out on my partner. It’s not his fault his boss takes his wife and kids for granted for bimbos at a strip club. Matter of fact, my partner should get more respect considering that he was the one that was sent to talk to his bosses wife, since his boss can’t explain himself. My man saved his marriage. Not only that, but he busts his ass to save his boss money by working harder than he has to. So nyeh! 😝
Plus, is it really wise to step on a writers toes so to speak? I wouldn’t think so, considering a writers opinion can reach the public, and we all know how organizations rely on thier reputations. Plus a writer creates permanence. Writers write what becomes a part of history. So yeah, needless to say. I am aware of what I am capable of. Just saying .
But whatever, if this guy is going to be a bitch about his truck, then we’ll just start saving up for our own. Fuck his truck. What’s the point of letting my partner take it home, if he can’t use it for anything else? Might as well just leave it on the job site.
Anyways, these barriers are getting annoying. Because now we can’t use the truck to move. But that hurdle we can be easily jumped by paying for a Uhaul. Even though financially things are going to get tight once we move into the new place. The first little while might be rough.
As for First Nations Housing Co-Op, even though they say we can’t leave without a 60 day notice, WE’RE LEAVING!! You cannot force me or my family to stay in a home with asbestos. If we’re given any problems, I have numbers to call regarding legal rights as a tenant. Technically I don’t have to pay rent, since they didn’t give me any notice that I was moving into a home with asbestos 5 years ago. If you really think about it, I shouldn’t have been paying rent the entire time. So if they really want to get technical, they owe OW 4 years worth of rent; approximately $7000. And a years worth of rent to NNEC. Since rent went down while I was in school, that would come to about $900.
So yeah, when it comes time to move, within the next couple of weeks, I’m outski!!
Other than that, enjoyed the Father’s Day weekend with my man and baby. My eldest daughter didn’t visit this weekend. Rightfully so, being that it was the Father’s Day weekend, she should be with her father.
Anyways, my man, baby and I went to the Fanshawe Pioneer Village for the “Day on the Farm” event. We had fun, learning about some of London, Ontario’s history and clowning around.
However, no more family trips, not until we get a vehicle of our own.
We were planning to go camping next year, but yeah. That’s going to be postponed until we have a vehicle of our own, same with buying a house.
And no visits to family around Oshawa any time soon, let alone my family way up north.
Anyways, camping. My man wants to rent a canoe. That would be fun.
Speaking of camping, the idea of camping has changed so much since I was a kid. Over the weekend we toured the camp sites and there were trailers and RV’s everywhere. No tents. If you ask me, this whole trailer and RV “camping” thing is the pussy fart version of camping. You might as well stay in a hotel. Seriously, they were all cluttered together. It looked like a city of trailers. Yet, I thought that was the purpose of camping, to get away from civilization, not mimic or bring it with you in the bush. So yeah, I am kind of disappointed at peoples idea of camping these days. Ya know? Maybe the experience would be more appreciated if you’re building your own shelter and fire. Even if the tent leaks, and you can feel the lumpy ground beneathe you as you sleep. Or bugs. Mosquitoes getting into the tent. Maybe it’s those little annoyances that make camping what it is. More worth while. An RV or trailer is like a house on wheels. It’s not the same thing. Matter of fact, it’s the lazy way of camping.
Anyways, enough about that. Today I am staying indoors due to the heat. I got my baby, myself, and the dogs quarantined in the livingroom. Trying to keep cool air circulating in one room is easier than doing so for the entire house.
I really hope it rains soon.
Thanks for reading! Until next time, peace and love! – Pooks
“The potential within you is greater than the obstacles around you.” – Matshona Dhliwayo
Things are better. Perhaps I just have too much time to think.
So today I focused on packing, and getting some chores done on my free time.
Anyways, I know in the last blog I said that my partner and I are incompatible. That’s one of those things that I say that isn’t necessarily true. We have a lot in common. We both love nature, blues, rock, dragons, the colour blue, movies, etc. We even share the same dream of owning a house outside of London. Or in a small town outside of London. I guess you can say we’re both tired of the city life, and are ready for something else. But like all couples, we bicker. We both drive eachother nuts from time to time.
Luckily, if we get accepted into this townhouse for July 1st, it has a basement. So that can be turned into my man’s man cave, and whenever we bicker I can just send him to his man cave Lol. Better than kicking him out, locking him out, or whatever…just because I’m temporarily upset. Perhaps what we need sometimes is space. And in our current place, we don’t have that.
After he came home from work today, he reassured me that he will never cheat, he’s here to stay, and I’m the one he loves. He’s not interested in anybody else. I think I needed to hear that, even though he says it alot. But after the strip club thing, yeah, I needed that. He says that’s normal for construction workers. Alcohol and strip clubs. I highly doubt all construction workers are like that, but whatever.
Anyways, my daughter isn’t coming over this weekend. She will be going to the beach with her dad, and I am okay with that. It will give my partner and I time to pack.
My man was planning on taking us to this event at the Fanshawe Conservation area, something to do with farming. It sounded cool. But yeah, since my eldest daughter won’t be visiting, a weekend of packing it is!
It is the Father’s Day weekend anyways, so yeah. She should be with her dad.
I’m not sure what to get my partner for Fathers Day, since it is his first. So yeah, something from me and his baby. I just don’t know what.
Which reminds me, the whole wanting another baby thing. We struggle financially as is. Supporting our baby, my eldest daughter on weekends, and 3 dogs. So yeah, we would be struggling even more if we were to add another baby. Plus, I would rather wait a couple of years before having another. But then again, in couple years I should be getting a job or going to school. If I get pregnant, that’s another 2 year wait until I can get myself back in the field so to speak. Meaning that’s another 2 years of my man busting his ass to support us all.
I don’t really think he’s thought it through. Yeah, he would like a son too. But in reality, another baby may just have to wait.
Anyways, I like how my man put it, with this new place being a fresh start for us. And we both can decide how we want to arrange things. It’s not one or the other moving in, this is together.
I haven’t gotten a chance to view the townhouse, but my partner did. He said I’ll like it because it’s close to Victoria Park. In other words, close to the summer festivals that I enjoy going to. Plus, 3 floors is betters that one. However we will have to pay for parking. That sounds a bit silly. I can understand visitors paying for parking, but tenants have to pay parking to thier own homes? Hmm… Sounds a bit odd to me.
Anyways, today was a much better day. I enjoyed spending the day with my baby daughter. She is becoming more expressive lately. Her baby babbles have more emotion to it, from happy to grumpy. It’s all cute. She may not be talking yet, but she’s figuring out how to express herself and communicate somewhat. Such a smart little girl.
Anyways, it’s getting late. I’m probably just going to throw on a movie and doze off to sleep. Hope you enjoyed!
And yes, when it comes to my man and our relationship, I’m going to tough it out. I know I kept running into him over the years for a reason. Ya know? He’s a part of my life for a reason. And wither he likes it or not, he’s a big part of my story.
Good night! Peace and Love! – Pooks
“What lies ahead is far greater than what we have left behind.”
– Lailah Gifty Akita
I admit. The truth hurts. My partner came home yesterday, and admitted that his business meeting took place at a strip club.
Immediately this hurt me. He told me other women were rubbing up against him and shit.
I felt heart broken. I felt like I’m not good enough if he’s got to go to a strip club.
But the truth is, it wasn’t his idea, it was his bosses. Apparently he can’t say no to his boss. That bothers me. If he knew it was wrong, why did he even enter the club and drink? Yes, he has me, and his daughter waiting at home. But his boss also has a wife and family waiting at home.
I was thinking that this was it. This is the road my miserable life is taking. I’m at home with our baby, while my partner is out drinking or at strip clubs.
But, at least he told me the truth. Even if it did hurt. I doubt his bosses wife gets even that.
Out of rage and anger, I posted a public status and tagged them both in it. Asking what kind of fuckin job requires a “business meeting” at a strip club.
I realize that my man could have lost his job for my actions. But at the time, I was angry at both of them. Now, mostly at his boss just for arranging to have the meeting there. Ya know? A part of me hopes his bosses wife seen the status, because she too has the right to know.
Yeah, I guess you can say I’m not too fond of his boss at the moment. He over stepped a boundary that could have obliterated this family.
Not only that, but he also gives my man some shitty advice. Telling him he should drink more. It’s like he’s deliberately trying to fuck with my man’s life and family. So yeah, he over stepped a boundary and here I am. I’m not too happy.
Even though I had time to think shit through, it doesn’t mean all our problems go away. Matter of fact, it just brought up more. Which is pretty fucked up considering…Ya know? I was pissed that my man even stepped foot into the strip club, yet he somehow manages to turn it around and make it about himself. Ya know? He’s upset that I sleep on the couch, it makes him feel undesirable.
Ahem, the reason I sleep on the couch is for our daughter’s sake. When I was pregnant, the bedroom would get too hot. But now, it’s more for our baby’s needs. Okay?? I tried to get her to sleep in the bassinet in our room, so that eventually I’ll be able to sleep in our bed. But that didn’t work.Heck, one morning she woke him up. Sort of. I think he slept walked. He brought her to the livingroom, and went back to bed. Since he went back to bed, he was late for work. So now I put her in her crib in her room, and I sleep on the couch. That way if she does wake up during the night or really early in the morning, I’m there. Without interfering my man’s sleep. So that only it’s his alarm clocks that wake him.
As for sex. He’s already talking about wanting another baby. He wants a son. Well sorry your daughter isn’t a boy!! Geez. Also, for someone that claims he doesn’t need sex all the time, he sure fuckin whines about it a lot. I’m sorry, but after having a child, my mojo tends to go m.i.a. Especially if I am the parent spending the most time with our baby. Maybe a father that played with his daughter, or whatever, maybe that would turn me on. But that hardly happens. So yeah. I’ve come to terms with that. Sorry my mind is more focused on taking care of our baby 24/7, and isn’t focused on your penis!!
And maybe if all this shit didn’t keep coming up, such as over drinking, strip clubs, etc. Maybe my mojo would be more lively. But it just seems like I’m more upset and sad more than anything.
And maybe that’s because he’s trying to change me, and I’m trying to change him. Maybe we aren’t compatible. That’s what it comes down to. But since he says we’re stuck together, I guess we’re stuck together. Both fuckin depressed.
He’ll probably ask how is he trying to change me. This blog for instance. He wants me to stop. Shows me these quotes that say a relationship should be between two people, not the world. Well if that’s what he wants, then why did he get involved with an introverted blogger in the first place??
Writing is therapeutic for me. It allows me to reflect and analyze the shit in my life, including my own thoughts. Art is another form I use, but writing is much easier and accessible lately.
So, take that away…what happens? All my thoughts and feelings are bottled up with no outlet. It could only result in me snapping at some point, which would be no good. It would be ugly.
Can you imagine if I kept all this shit inside? I would be holding onto alot of shit that would just eat away at me.
So yeah, sorry for expressing and sharing every inch of my life. As a writer and artist, that’s just what I do. I observe and document my surroundings, and experiences. Why? I don’t know. I just do.
Anyways, other than all that. The small apartment we were trying to get for July 1st had been leased to someone else. But since our application has been approved, we got offered a townhouse unit instead. Still close to the downtown area.
I’m still debating wither to move in or not, considering it just seems like one thing after another lately. And not in a good way either.
The question is to either keep trying, or not. Sometimes, I feel like I’ve had enough..
Thanks for reading. If you can, please donate. Keep me doing what I love. Peace and love – Pooks
“Life is ten percent what you experience and ninety percent how you respond to it.”
– Dorothy M. Neddermeyer