Stressful Times

In the last blog I mentioned that we were moving. The good news, we found a place. The not so good news, it’s smaller than my current place. Just one floor without a basement. So not really much space for storage. Now, after the fact, I think we may jumped the gun.

We did view a townhouse, it was close to bike trails, and it had 3 floors and a small fenced backyard for the dogs. But no no no. My man’s father just had to make a remark to my man about it when my man mentioned where we planned on moving to. He said something along the lines, “Why? So you can easily get crack?!” So yeah, after that, my man didn’t want to move there.

If you ask me, his father sounds like a shitty support. Matter of fact, sounds like he’s not one at all.

Trust me, my man is not a crackhead. And the reason he’s losing weight, is because he puts our daughter and I before himself. He skips meals to make sure we have enough. Since I’m breastfeeding and all. At least that what he says, and I believe him.

Anyways, back to housing. I just think that my man will be paying a lot for rent for a small apartment in a house. Just the main floor. When for the same price, we could get a townhouse.

The place we’re moving into seems fine for a couple, or University/ College students. But a family?? I don’t know. I just went along with it because my man seemed to really want it.

This new place seems to be causing more stress than it is relief. I mean, now we have to think about renting storage, or downsizing. There really is no room for all our belongings, or my children’s belongings.

I was even thinking of packing up my sons stuff here and just giving it to my ex, that way our son gets some use out of the clothes and stuff. I mean, he’s not visiting anymore. He’s bitter about me and my new man. At least my eldest daughter can see how much my man does for us.

My son even said that he never wants to meet my man’s and I’s baby, his half sister. That just sounds plain out mean, because his half-sister didn’t do anything. Ya know? She’s innocent. All she did was be born. Ugh! He really needs to just accept shit as it is. I moved on from the past, maybe it’s time he does too.

Anyways, I try to stay optimistic, especially lately. You know what they say, When you think negatively, you draw in the negative. So yeah, I try to stay positive. Someone has to. Especially since I recently found out just how depressed my man really is.

I guess years of working with his father, and being emotionally and verbally abused had deteriorated his confidence over the years. Now he just feels small. And he feels like no matter what he does, nothing is ever good enough in his father’s eyes. Perhaps it’s time to stop seeking approval from others, and seek it from himself. I know it’s easier said than done. But in the end, the only opinion of yourself that matters is your own.

I mean this depression shit is effecting us. He basically told me that he’s iffy about getting a house with me someday, because he thinks I’ll just dump him and screw him over. Translation: He doesn’t trust me.

Yeah, I “broke up” with him maybe 3 times during our relationship. But we always worked it out eventually. We talked. And the whole breaking-up thing, that’s just me trying to get my space from someone that refuses to give it. So I say it’s over. It seems to be the only thing that works, otherwise men can’t take a hint. At least in my experience. Men tend to hover worse when your angry. Worse time to do so if you ask me.

Anyways, it will be a busy month of packing. It’s kind of overwhelming. It’s like thinking about trying to fit something massive into a tiny space. I know moving is stressful, but should it be this stressful?

My man said we probably won’t have Internet at the new place, so that’s partly why I put a donation link on the sidebar. I actually had that idea before hand as a way to make extra money. But now, your donations can actually be what keeps this blog going. In order to keep an internet connection, I’ll need to be able to pay for it. And the Internet, is basically my only connection to my family up north. Not to mention, in this modern day in age, almost everything requires an internet connection. So yeah, if you are generous, Miigwech!

What else? My physical health is falling apart. Both my knees are gibbled. Well…swollen anyways. I’m thinking I may need knee surgery again. Last time it was just on the left knee. This time, it’s both. The way I see it, the sooner I take care of it, the better. The sooner I’m healed up and back 100%. If I do it now while I’m still on OW, that saves my man from getting a medical bill if I wait. Problem is? I may be disabled for 2 weeks, and will need time to recover. So who will look after our baby? My man works, His sister makes every dinky excuse not to babysit,And his father is obviously not that supportive. So yeah. Kind of a pickle. The only one my baby can count on  to be there for her is me. I can’t be the best mommy I can be for my children if I don’t take care of myself. And as the days progress, my knees just get worse.Isn’t that freakin great?!

So yeah, stressful times.

Anyways, baby is crying. Gotta go. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading. Sorry it’s not all happy-go-lucky. And thanks to those that choose to donate. Peace and Love – Pooks

“My body needs laughter as much as it needs tears. Both are cleansers of stress.” – Mahogany SilverRain





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