Escalator

Well…I put my baby to bed. So she should be asleep by now.
Anyways, today my man worked over time. When he finally got home, he left again shortly after to go pick up milk. Once he returned again, he came back upset. He got called to go back into work. He’s upset he’s missing out on time with his daughter. I know he doesn’t want to be like his father, who wasn’t there. But that’s reality these days. If both parents aren’t employed, one is working over time to support the family and misses out on time with thier children.
That’s capitalism for you. People are just worn out slaves.
I think back to my own childhood, and my foster dad worked 12 hour shifts. When he was home, he was asleep. So growing up, it was like I hardly knew the man. When we did speak, it was always awkward. Probably for more reasons than that, I was adopted. But yeah, it’s like living with a stranger. Ya know? There was no bond.
Anyways, it broke my heart when my man tried to spend the little time he had with his daughter, and she kinda made strange. She would look past him, looking for me. And when he held her, she started to cry. 💔
He was saying he’s tempted to quit, and when he took on the job, he was only expecting part-time hours. Not this rapid speed of responsibility going from  a labourer, to site supervisor.
He reassured me that he’s trying his best, to do his job and to be there for his daughter and I. In the past I didn’t really understand, and would get upset that he’s not spending time with us. But with his line of work, his job is more demanding in the summer, and less so in the winter. They don’t call Spring and Summer “Construction Season” for nothing here in London. So yeah, I am more understanding, I think.
I wish there was something I could do. But since our daughter is still a baby, and too young to be in daycare or school…In order for me to be employed is to find work I can do from home, or create my own job.
Sure my art sells here and there, and trying to make money blogging may be a good idea, but it’s not stable income.
If I had a job, maybe I would be able to free up some of my man’s time, and he wouldn’t have to work so hard.
But then again, shortly after we found out that we were pregnant, we had a discussion and we’re fully aware we were going to struggle for the first couple of years…….
Are you kidding me??? He comes back fuckin drunk off of 6 beers!! No I’m not happy. Yeah, The new home owners want thier shit fixed, and as a gift of gratitude they offer alcohol to these construction workers. It’s no wonder most construction workers are alcoholics. Let’s give him beer as a token of appreciation, yeah. Lets give someone that has had alcoholism issues in his past ALCOHOL, then send him home. He parked on the freakin curb!! He should not be driving!!
Yeah I’m pissed, I just sent him straight to bed. I don’t want to talk to him. Especially when he’s fully aware he indulged and went over his limit. He normally stops at 2 or 3. But tonight?? 6. What the fuck?? You’re coming home to a baby, and a sober “wife”. What the hell was he thinking??? If you’re going to drink past your limit, don’t bother coming home. Find somewhere else to stay. This home is supposed to be a safe haven for my children!! A drunk is unpredictable. Coming home drunk puts us in potential danger. Let alone himself, driving the freakin truck!!
So not impressed.
He tried to apologize about his work, how he’s got to work so much. But that’s not what I’m angry about!!! I understand that, still no excuse to indulge.
But yeah, I forgot, alcoholism is a norm in this fucked up society. That’s the normal thing to do. Work, and get drunk when your not working. Drown yourself in self-pity and self- loathing for being a slave. Not like the Capitalists care. They profit off of addictions!!
Not that I’m innocent or anything. I smoke. But at least with smoking I am still fully conscious and not staggering everywhere. My brain and body still function properly.
But I guess this is the life I got to get used to. Taking care of a baby alone at home, while my partner either is working or getting drunk.
For a bit there, I was kind of feeling bad for him. But if drinking is his solution to his problems, fuck him!! Our relationship will shatter, and eventually I won’t give a fuck. It will be for the better.
I’m angry. I don’t always mean what I say. But for the moment…he says he hates his job sometimes, yeah, I hate it too if it only influences him to take two steps back, and not forward.
He gets upset that I call him a coward. Goes on how he’s not, he’s man enough to fight and stick up for himself. That’s not what I mean when I use the word coward. It doesn’t mean you’re not Mr. macho tough guy. When I use that word, often towards addicts and alcoholics, is because rather than learning from thier pain and sorrows, they cowardly turn to a substance instead. They don’t evolve. They remain stagnant. They don’t face thier fears, problems, internal pain and suffering. There is something to learn and gain from it all, and they’re too chicken shit. Sorry if you find that offensive, but that is my perspective on addictions and alcoholism. Fuck, I’ve seen plenty of it and that is my analysis.
But I guess I should pity and empathize with them. Maybe, but it’s absolutely frustrating when thier stagnicity is self inflicted and only they can over come it, no one can do it for them.
I’m pretty upset now, but tomorrow is another day. Hoping it will be better. At least in the morning, I get to see my daughters smiling face. I love that about her. She’s so excited when she wakes up. Such a huge spirit encased into this tiny body. It tops all this negative b.s my man had been bringing around lately.
Anyways, it’s getting late. I need to eat and go to bed. Life can be so frustrating sometimes. Some people are freakin pathetic, the way they cope with shit. But I guess I’m fortunate to have found a healthy, and safe outlet that works for me. Ughhh!!
I just don’t want to be another family in my biological family where alcohol was the cause of destruction. It’s either killed many family members, or its the root that had torn families apart. That’s what I fear.
So yeah, If you’re a new homeowner to a brand new built home, think of something else to give a construction worker to express your gratitude besides bloody alcohol!! Please and thank you.
Thanks for reading. Gotta love how that escalated.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed, and click the DONATE link and donate if possible. Keep my internet connected. Keep me connected to you. Help me continue to do what I love. Peace and Love – Pooks

“Poverty makes a slave out of men. In order to eat he will accept work that gives no pleasure.” – Andre Gide

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