Here We Go Again

It’s been a long rough morning at court. Freakin cried afterwards. But I can do this…I hope. The judge was going to have my son and daughter apprehended from my ex and placed into foster care today, but he changed his mind. However, if my ex fails to cooperate soon, they will be placed into foster care. Meaning: that I will have to fight C.A.S for custody of them both. It’s scary because I already had lost once to them, but this time around I have support. It could work out differently.

*Deep breath….* My lawyer has asked me to book an appointment with him as soon as possible. We’re getting ready to fight for my kids. This mama hasn’t gone anywhere, I’ve been waiting here for them to come home the whole time.

What really pisses me off is that I tried to warn CAS about my ex years ago. But no, rather than listen, they would rather twist my words around. When I said “come clean” I meant as in telling the truth, not coming off drugs as they tried to make it seem. Yet I’m clean as fuck, and am only addicted to coffee and cigarettes. Bunch of fuckin fuck ups! Waaah! It would have taken too much work to scrap what they had and start over. LAZY FUCKS!! Of course I was lying on my exes behalf back then, I was in a domestic abusive relationship!!  What do they expect??

“No no no. The ex is a saint, he’s a white man.”

” Whoops! I guess his mental health problems of having a personality disorder, and being beyond paranoid, homicidal/ suicidal and obsessive didn’t miraculously go away as we claimed.”

Fuckin idiots! smh If only there was a way to bitch slap the entire organization. Guuuuh!!! Idiots!!

I’m going through a mix of emotions. Sadness, fear, rage, and even empathy. For so many years I have hated my ex for what he did. But now?? I kind of feel sad and sorry for him. I don’t even think he can control his paranoia. He’s been that way for as long as I’ve known him. I used to think it was just the drugs back in the day. Nope. It’s something else entirely. That’s the way he actually thinks.

Apart of me thinks he brought it all upon himself. Which he has.

I know our kids love him, of coarse they do. He’s their father. And maybe he’s exaggerating his role to protect them. To the point of isolation.

The court is giving him a chance to cooperate, but I fear he won’t. Our kids need at least one parent willing to fight for them, not hide. They can still be with a biological parent. I won’t give up.

I’m kind of angry at him too, for all this stupidity that could have been prevented. Thanks to him, CAS is back in our lives. Thanks to him, I may be forced to go head to head against C.A.S again. I don’t look forward to it, but if I want my children to remain a part of my life, I will have to fight for it. Even though I’m not the one with the “red flag” dangling over my head so to speak. Talk about fair eh? Let’s not even consider the mother as an option, let’s just bring her to court and have her watch us give her children away. That is cruel, and yeah. That just about happened.  I shouldn’t be surprised though, that’s CAS for ya.

But whatever. My man is by my side, and is being an amazing support. He says we can do this. So I’m not alone.

I think the next court date is July 28th. I will likely post the date again in the future when I know for sure. But if you do support me, make your presence known and show up. Even just for emotional support. Court can be rough on a family. It’s hard on me. Obviously. Look at the number of emotions I’m going through just trying to process it all. I would appreciate it.

All my readers know my story, what I’ve gone through over the years. I love my son and my daughter. There is no doubting that. I know if it comes down to it, that my partner and I can give them a more positive lifestyle. I know we can.

Anyways, that’s my update about the court thing. Things look kind of ugly. But thanks to my partner and my lawyer, I still have hope.

Thanks for reading and tolerating my mix of emotions. I swear it must drive some people up the wall getting into my head. But hey, that’s why this whole blog thing started. People wanted to know. Peace and love! -Pooks

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

– Jack Canfield

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All Rights Reserved. All Photos Property of Pauline King Shannon (Pooks) ©

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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