A moment to think

Well I’m just going to blog in the moments I can. Putting that saving drafts thing to use. Haha!

I didn’t get to share too much in the last blog. But yeah, this mama is gets pretty exhausted by the end of the day. So maybe I’ll just write in the moments available during the day. 

I forgot to mention that I donated 2 huge bags of clothes that no longer fit me to The Ark. No point hoarding them, and mentally torturing myself waiting for the day I can fit them again, when someone in need could use them now. I mean, as I gradually lose weight, I can thrift shop  and rebuild my wardrobe slowly. 

Yes, that donation included my 3 sets of jester pants. I loved those. But now someone else can love them too. When the time comes, maybe I can get myself a new pair. But for now…there is no point wearing nice fancy stuff when I get spit up on on regular basis. Lol I’m fine with baggy t-shirts, and joggers. 

Umm… what else? Been doing a lot of reusing lately, rather than shopping for things brand new. I mean we got a couch set from a university student. We traded my baby’s bouncy chair for a futon. We bought a baby Bumbo chair off someone for $5. So yeah, a lot of our stuff in our new home is second hand, but it’s all coming together nicely. 

It’s like that saying, One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Rather than letting things go to waste, and be thrown in a landfill, we are reusing items that are still in good condition. 

Umm… I told the facilitator of the New School of Colour that I will try to make it there once a month. It would be pricey on bus tickets if I were to go as regularly as I used to. Plus it would be nice to catch up with muh fellow artists. I plan to bring my baby with me. She can be the youngest artist there. 

I know my man is a bit uncomfortable with me going back, because there were men there that were interested in me. Heck, technically the current facilitator is an ex. But my partner doesn’t have to worry. I’m with him, and him alone. Besides, it’s mostly elders that attend. A lot of the people that used to attend don’t anymore, not since the former facilitator resigned. 

I won’t be giving out the exact date when I do decide to go. I have an online stalker that simultaneously shows up when I say I want to go there. That should be a hint that I am not interested in being thier friend anymore. Especially not after they harassed my boyfriend on Facebook with a gazillion messages when they couldn’t get a hold of me. Not to mention posting a blog and name dropping my man’s name, my baby’s name, and my photo. Yeah, it may have been deleted. But it showed me that they haven’t changed. They are still very immature. Not exactly the kind of person I want around my family. Just saying. 

Also bringing up the fact that I was thinking of aborting my daughter and rubbing that in my face?? Any woman who has only known a man for a month and gets pregnant would think about that option. Point is, I didn’t abort my child, did I? And I am grateful that I didn’t and that this relationship is still going strong. My partner and I are making it work. 

But yeah, She may be bitter about my decision to cut her out. But that’s just it. She’s negative and bitter. At Up with Art, she was possesive and rude. I tried to catch up with other New School of Colour Artists, and she rushed me right past them. Not to mention she was bitchin  about the event the whole time. Like seriously, if you do not agree with what they’re doing, don’t get involved. I however think Up with Art is a great event. It helps an organization help those in need, and it supports amateur artists by getting thier work out there beside professional artists. I find it to be an inclusive, diverse event. 

Also, when my daughter was born, she showed up uninvited. I mean, yeah, the facilitator of the New School of Colour had also asked me to send him a text when I go into labour. I did. Just as I sent her a text. Did he invite himself to the hospital?? No!! The only people I had intended to be there for the birth of my baby was my partner, my doctor, my doula, and the nurse. She wasn’t in my written plan. So yeah, that was a bit disturbing. Why the doctors let her in beats the hell out of me!

But yeah, that explains that. Enough about her, as she is no longer a part of my life. Onto other things…

I appreciate the encouraging words and support from The Ark. They miss me, and they advise me to keep doing my art. I will. I’ll find a way. 

I just read thier current newsletter, and saw a picture from the OEV Block party. It was nice to see my art displayed on the New School of Colour table despite my absence. Thank you. Glad that I am still considered a part of the New School of Colour.

Umm.. what else? It sounds like my son has stopped going to the visits with his father as well. The foster family my daughter is staying at currently gave me a phone number to call him at. However, I have been afraid to call. I mean, after going to Vanier in person to visit, and having him reject me… Maybe it’s best to just give him his space. He’s got a lot to think about, along with a huge decision to make when the time comes.

I do think about him regularly. I miss him, and I hope he’s okay at Vanier. C.A.S visits on September 2nd, and they said they would update me on his progress at Vanier. But just as my partners mother says, think positive. They’re there to help him. 

Anyways, I have someone coming by to pick up boxes, and another to drop off a vaccuum. This new place is carpeted, so yeah, kinda need that to keep this place tidy. I still need to find either a carpet cleaner, or a steam cleaner that works on carpets.I’m sure one will pop up eventually. 

But yeah, I should get going. Thanks for reading! Until next time, peace and love! – Pooks 


Birthday Bog

I don’t think this post will be very long, as I am very tired. 

Anyways, my birthday had past. I am 34 years old now. Whatever. Another year wiser. 

For my birthday I had gotten a few gifts. My eldest daughter gave me a bracelet, a heart she made out of clay, pictures she coloured in…Yeah, she’s awesome. 

My partner is also awesome. He got me flowers (he even got me blue roses, which he had to start searching for in advance), he cooked me poutine for dinner, and bought me 2 cheese cakes. All my favorites. I love him. 

Even though I received all these fabulous gifts for my birthday, I really did only ask for one thing. Which was a trip to the Sifton Bog. For years I have been saying that I am going to go, and haven’t. Well, now I can finally say that I’ve been to the Sifton Bog, along with the company of my family. So thanks to my partner, my eldest daughter, and baby daughter. I couldn’t ask for a better birthday, or better company to celebrate my big day with. 

Other than that, I have been impressed lately with all the new things my eldest daughter is learning lately. She learned how to dive. She’s learning how to hand-write. That’s pretty cool considering schools are no longer teaching students how to do so. It is being replaced with computers and technology. 
Oh another thing, she even helped me do the dishes. It was her first time doing the dishes, and she had fun. But then again, dishes are normally not as horrible if you’re not doing it solo. 

Anyways, wish I could keep writing, but I am tired. Weekends get pretty busy for this mama. So yeah, Monday I usually try to relieve my sleep deprivation. However, that depends on my baby. Wither or not she will rest with me.

Not that long. Short and sweet. I hope you enjoyed reading it anyways. 

I need to get some sleep, I almost fell asleep on the couch just now. Good night! I’m off to bed. Peace and love! – Pooks

We All Must Learn

Hi again. I finally got my internet up and running today. So voila! I am back. 

Yes, we have moved to a new location and it is definitely different. It’s very quiet during the day. 

A part of me just wants to go for walks and explore, while the other part of me is like; No, there’s too much work here that needs to be done. We are still unpacking. 

However, it took 2 days to move all our stuff here. Thank you to Brawny Movers for helping us out with getting the big bulky stuff moved. My partner did the rest, and even in the rain. He got soaked. 

Speaking of rain, we went to a wedding last Friday. It was a lovely wedding at Bellameres Winery, and I’m sure the big thunderstorm we got made it that much more memorable. 

My partners best friend of 20 years was the one that got married. So congrats to him and his now wife. Also, I am glad the bride liked my painting. I had given one as a wedding gift. So yaaaay! Now I have art in Barrie, Ontario! 

I feel kinda bad that these last two visits with my eldest daughter weren’t all fun and all. I mean, at the old address we were packing. And here, now we’re unpacking. Not that fun. But at least she got to work on her room, putting things where she’d like them to be. She gets more control and say of how she wants her new room to be like. 
I did get a bit upset last weekend. Especially after my eldest daughter said that she wants to live with her father. So that makes both my son and eldest daughter that want to be in the care of their father instead. It was a bit heart breaking, especially after all this time that I’ve been trying to bring them home. I started to think things like; why did I even bother to fight so hard all these years? And getting this new place? What was the point? However, my partner chilled me out. He said no matter what, we got a safe place to live now, and it’s safe for our baby. So all this effort wasn’t a complete waste. He’s right. No matter how things turn out in court, we still have our baby and can make a good life for her. 

As for court, I got a call on last Wednesday from my lawyers secretary. She told me that I didn’t have to attend court on the 11th. It will just be adjourned due to the fact that my eldest children still need lawyers of thier own. So yeah, the next court date won’t be until some time in October. It’s a bit frustrating having to wait longer, but I understand. Both my eldest children are old enough to speak for themselves and make thier own decision. 

I guess I’m still going to try, even though I know neither of my children want to be here. Perhaps they’re used to the lives they had. Living in poverty, in a ghetto, with a father that sees them more as a paycheck then anything. Otherwise he would have taken better care of them, and valued our sons education, rather than being the barrier that holds him back. Sigh… 

Anyways, whatever happens, happens. In the mean time I will try my best to make this home a positive and safe place for my baby, and try to make the best of the visitations I get with my eldest daughter. I’m lucky my visits are overnight on weekends. There was a time where I was in my eldest children’s father’s position, and was only granted an hour per week. The tables have turned.

I told my partner a while back that I had stopped believing in karma. But here it is. With all this stuff going on between my ex and C.A.S. The truth is finally being seen. It only took 5 years. I guess karma has no schedule, or doesn’t run on a timer. It goes at it’s own pace. It could happen today, tomorrow, or for this instance; 5 years later. 

An anonymous contact is worried that it may be too late for my son. But my partner is pretty optimistic. He says there’s always hope. It’s never too late to change your mind, behavior, attitude, and actions. So yeah, let’s hope whatever happens, that his future can still be bright. That he can still learn to function in this crazy system we call society.It’s something we all must learn in order to survive a Capitalists world. 

I understand now when people say, conform partially. In order to have a family, you must play by thier rules. 

However, that doesn’t mean we can’t teach our children how to survive in nature, to garden, to hunt, to build and create. We can still inspire thier imaginations. Even though many institutions limit the use of the imagination, instead we get told what to think. So yeah, a strong imagination is crucial if we ever want to drift away from this prison we built for ourselves that we call Capitalism.

But yeah, enough of that. On to other things such as…my baby is 4 months old and fits 12 month old clothing!! Can you believe that?! My cute bundle of pudge is growing like a magic bean stalk. It’s astounding. 

Oh yeah, we got a call from my partners mom. She said they will try to come visit our new place before winter. That’s exciting. If they make it on a weekend, my eldest daughter will be happy to see her Step Aunt. She keeps asking about her, and asking me when is the next time we will go to Oshawa. Lol So yeah, hope they can make it.

 The last time that side of the family saw my partner and I’s baby, she was just a week old. Just wait until they see her now. Hehe! She’s developing quite the personality.

Newho, I should probably go to bed. My partner and my baby went to bed early tonight, so yeah. I am the only one still up. I should probably get some rest. It will be another busy day of bouncing back and forth from unpacking/ organizing and tending to my baby tomorrow. Thanks for your patience on my return, and thanks for reading. Peace and love – Pooks

“Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.” – Lewis Carroll

2 more days

2 more days and we move. I believe I said to Whitehills before, but it’s actually to Medway. That will be a nice change. 

I mean, it would be nice to get out of this neighborhood. Yes, it’s been good to me, but there are still people that wreck it for the rest. I mean, there are people in the community that try to turn it around, and I am lucky to have met some those people. But there is always those in the East, stealing and whatever else from  those in the working class or lower. It doesn’t make sense to me. If you’re going to steal, steal from the people that can afford to replace whatever was taken without a problem. But I guess the proper, more moral thing to say is to not steal at all. But that’s the world we live in. People struggle. And rather than stealing from the wealthy, the poor steal from the poor, or the working class, which isn’t much better. They too struggle to get by. Why steal from people that know and understand the struggle? Probably because the wealthy can afford the security. Thier fancy alarm systems, or if look even higher, body guards. Attempting to steal from the rich can either get you locked up, or killed. 

Anyways, enough with obvious. Back to whatever. Ummm… Yeah. My partner had a power drill stolen from his truck a couple months ago. It wasn’t his, it belonged to his boss. But yeah, the working class are targets in this neighborhood. So yeah, best to move to a neighborhood where that is less likely to happen, hopefully. My partner needs tools in order to work. Tools aren’t cheap to replace. 

However, I am grateful to my neighbors across the street. They have always been good to me. Over the years, they helped by giving my daughter clothes they no longer needed. So yeah, they will be missed. Even the boys playing basketball. Going to miss the sound of thier basketball. Even though it used to drive me nuts. It’s kind of funny how I’m going to miss that. 

However, the neighbors beside me? I am  not really going to miss either. The old people to my left are being really immature. I guess it’s better if I explain what happened…

We used to have fires in the backyard. My man built a fire one evening (this happened 3-4 months ago), and was going back and forth from the front of the house to the backyard with more wood. However, in one of those absent moments, a spark flew over the fence from the fire, and landed in a dry pile of leaves beside my neighbors garage. Since they don’t bother to keep that area clean, those dry leaves caught on fire and lit the neighbors garage on fire. Firemen, and police came. It got crazy. However, even they said it was an accident. The leaves should have been raked. But no no no. My neighbors would rather say my partner deliberately tried to burn down thier garage. They go around and gossip about it, saying that shit. Which isn’t true. It was an accident. If it wasnt, my partner would have been charged. He wasn’t. So yeah, every time those old men so much come in contact with my partner, they are always spitting out  bitter remarks. Such as Saturday for example, my man was using the barbeque, and they knocked on my door to say to him; “Oh you better not be burning down our garage again.” Ugh! Get a life! He didn’t burn it down. There’s a hole that my partner offered to fix. He is a qualified carpenter, but no no no. They would rather bitch and complain about it instead. So yeah, fuck them and thier nonsense. The way they treat my partner is utter bullshit. We don’t have time for that. We got more important things to worry about, such as trying to get my eldest daughter out of foster care. My son will be at Vanier for awhile, and by the sounds of it, he wants to live with his father. He wants nothing to do with my partner and I. Yeah, sorry for moving on and trying to build a better life for you kid. Gaaaawd!! Smh. I don’t know, maybe one day he will be able to see and understand. But right now, he’s just being stubborn.

Anyways, things are pretty much packed up here. I am finally coming to terms that I am actually leaving this place. It’s been 4-5 years that I’ve lived here. Time for a change.

Thank First Nations Housing Co-Op for giving me the experience of being on the board of directors there for awhile. But other than that… ever since I made an attempt to add my partner to the lease, they’ve been a thorn in my side. So yeah, we decided that co-ops require too much information just to add a spouse to the lease. It really was a lot of nonsense. My partner can’t keep taking time off work for every dinky thing. So yeah, best to move eslewhere and get a different place together. Not to forget the asbestos situation. Can you believe they are trying to charge me with $1,256 in arrears? I got a phone call about it, but it’s not on paper. So if it’s not on paper, it’s b.s and they’re just fishing for more money.That’s okay. They want to be a thorn in my side, I can do the same. I called the health unit and told them about the asbestos. I didn’t want to have to do that, but if they keep giving me a hard time when it comes to getting my family out of here…Errrrrr…

 The health inspector said they would call the co-op, and I haven’t heard a peep from the co-op since. No hand delivered letters, no phone calls. Zilch!

Even the health inspector confirmed it, we need to move. So yeah, any body or anything that tries to be a barrier between us and our new home can go fuck themselves!! We are on a mission.

My partner and I talked, and yeah. We might be at this new address for more than a year or 2. We have debts to pay off, a personal vehicle to save up for…So yeah. It will be awhile before we can get a house.

Also, we might not be eligible for an OW top up, but that’s okay. I’ve already started searching and networking to find work that I can do from home so that I can help my partner make ends meet. 

Who knows? I could be a Younique presenter. Advertising, marketing, and selling make-up. We’ll see. I already have a contact I’m going to stay in touch with. Maybe after things settle after our move, I could join her team.That is a possibility and an opportunity that is there. 

Anyways, I’m going to end it at that. Meaning, the next time I blog, I will have new surroundings. Onward and up. Peace and love – Pooks

“Analyze your life in terms of its environment. Are the things around you helping you toward success? Or are they holding you back?”

– W. Clement Stone