The REALization

Hi again.

I guess a blog post is due…

I’m not sure if I had already mentioned this or not. But last Tuesday my baby and I went to the New School of Colour. I didn’t get any art done as I was preoccupied catching up with friends and trying to keep my daughter from getting into things. Overall it went okay. I told the facilitator they need a highchair in order for my baby and I to come back.

Come back… yeah. That was before I noticed that the Ark Aid Street Mission had blocked me on Twitter. Whoops! Sorry for sticking up for your organization when someone was trash talking it. I guess that was wrong of me. So yeah, I’m kinda thinking to myself; why return and be a New School of Colour artist? That would be supporting the Ark Aid Street Mission. I mean they get 10% off any sales I make on my paintings. It wouldn’t make any sense. The way I see it, support goes 2 ways, it’s not one sided. So, yeah…perhaps I should just go solo as an artist, and just do my art from home. There is no point in supporting an organization that doesn’t support me in return. If they really wanted my support, they should have thought of that before they blocked for a stupid reason. Wow.  Like I wouldn’t notice, ha! So no, Pooks will not be returning. Take advantage of another artist!

On Thursday I didn’t think we’d make it the Up with Art Appreciation event, but we made it. We didn’t mingle with people too much there, so we toured Museum London for a bit. At least until there was less people. At that point I was asked to sign a bunch of catalogs. That was cool. I have never signed that many books before in my life. Lol

Thursday night I had gotten sick. I’m thinking it was either from eating finger foods in a public place, or the Hungry Man meals we ate. But since it turned out to be contagious…more than likely from being in public, with lots of people. I caught some kind of stomach bug. Vomiting, diarrhea… yeah, I was freakin sick.

Friday my daughter, and my partners family came to visit for the weekend. I was still feeling under the weather, so my partner let me spend the evening in bed. How I got through the day with my baby, beats the hell out of me.

Anyways, during the weekend we had a belated Thanksgiving dinner, and celebrated a birthday within the family.

It was kind of nice to have family visit, it gave me somewhat of a break from my baby. She’s been a handful lately since she’s been teething and has 5 teeth coming in all at once. So needless to say, I have had one cranky baby on my hands lately  (Especially today).

This past Tuesday I had a C.A.S visit. It went well. She said the next court date is booked for January 12th. However, she will try to move the date sooner to request to have my eldest daughter live with my partner and I by Christmas. Start the transition by Christmas. Meaning, she would live here, and we’d probably get regular check-in’s from C.A.S. Anyways, she wants to try to get into court for either November or December instead.

The kids still need to talk to their own lawyers at least once.

She did say that my Ex does get a say on wither or not he agrees with our plan to have our eldest daughter live here, and that could potentially be a hiccup we bump into that could prolong things. He’s always got to make things more complicated than they have to be.  Errrrr! If he has any brains left, he’d agree. It’s getting his daughter out of foster care.

Anyways, She wants to start visits between my eldest daughter and her brother soon at Vanier. Not with the ex yet. So I agreed. I know my eldest daughter misses her brother and wants to see him, more so than her own father at this point. My eldest daughter is pretty disappointed that he has missed months worth of visits. So yeah, at this point, it doesn’t even look like he’s even making an effort.

So yeah, so far so good. It’s a slow ass process, but good. Hopefully by Christmas my eldest daughter will be home.

Onto my second Scentsy Open House. Instead of inviting complete strangers, I invited people from my “friend” list on Facebook, and Twitter. I was excited to give it a try on my own without my sponsor. But yeah, not a single person showed up. So that was a huge wake up call. How could I call these people my friends if they can’t even get up off their ass to support me and my new home business? I realized that a lot of them aren’t friends, just nosey mother fuckers that enjoy watching me for their own personal amusement. That stung. So yeah, to all the Londoners that got an invitation from me, and didn’t show up or even have the decency to tell me  that you can’t make it, thank you for making me feel like a huge fuckin loser! You inconsiderate cunts! Inconsiderate because I worked my ass off, for what?? No results. It’s not easy doing that amount of work, preparing an Open House with a teething clingy baby. But yeah, inconsiderate people don’t think about how much time and effort you put into this shit. They don’t think about others because they got their heads shoved so far up their own assholes they can’t comprehend or fathom to put themselves in another persons shoes so to speak. So yeah, fuck you!

Ya know? I made a huge cut on my friends list on my personal account. For those nosey mother fuckers that just want to watch me from a distance, stay off my personal FB account. Go follow my Twitter Handle: @pooks82 . Or go “Like” my FB page: Pooks82. Or subscribe to this fabulous blog!! Just don’t call yourself a friend, because you’re not. I’m not interested in that fake bullshit. Go fuck yourself!

As for Scentsy? I’m going to quit, as soon as I can get my moms and my partners orders to them, that’s it! This business requires people that have a huge support system, and  as I was shown, I don’t have that. Not to mention that you need to be a people person, and at this point, I hate people. Thank you for reminding me how much people really do suck.

But yeah, it was pretty stupid of me to try to be something I’m not…AGAIN. When the truth of the matter is, I will always be an artist and a writer. I don’t get paid enough to help financially support my partner. But whatever. Everyone will just have to accept it. This whole stupid society, and myself. I am Pooks the artist and writer, stop trying to mold me into  shit I’m not.

Speaking of being an artist, I created a painting for a fundraiser for Cancer. Anyways the event was unsuccessful, but apparently my art caught someone’s attention. I’ve been hired to do a commission piece. So yeah, there is some light at the end so to speak. Some good came from all this. I still have to do a commission piece for someone in the family, but that will take some time and research.

Yeah the realization that Pooks is really a loser with no friends, that did hurt. But, ya know? It’s not the end of the world. I’d rather be alone, than surrounded by people that just pretend to know you. Like my partner said, I always have family and he’s not going anywhere. For some fucked up reason, he loves me.

Peace and love 🙂 – Pooks

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I’ll Be Able To

Hi again!

I’m not sure if it’s been a week or not. Time is a blur lately.

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and this year we were invited to my partners fathers place. So thanks to my partners father and his wife for hosting a wonderful family gathering. It was great to see all the children there. They really brought the event to life! Lol

Anyways, my partners eldest sister did approach me, and said she didn’t know who my baby resembled more of. Note, I did not forget what my partner said that she said to him in the past. Ahem, “What are you doing?! She doesn’t even look like you!” Anyways, back to the present, I responded with that my biological Aunt says our baby looks just like me when I was a baby. And my partner has had friends say that she looks like him. So she said, maybe our babies eyes are like her brothers.

But let me just get my thoughts out there. Umm… Just because a baby looks like one parent more so than the other, it does not make the mother a whore. Maybe my genes are just more dominate than whom I had shared intimacy with. All my children look more like me. Even my eldest childrens father accused me of being a whore in the past. He didn’t believe his son was his. My point being, considering this is a well educated person (my partners sister), you’d think she’d know this. I have no control over the appearance of my children. It’s all genes, and DNA. If she’s so concerned, she can be the one to pay for a DNA test. It is not fair to a parent, to get absurd accusations just because their baby looks more like one parent over the other. So yeah, I may have acted civil in person, but personally, I think she’s a bitch jumping to conclusions like that. Enough said.

During my last C.A.S visit, the worker said after seeing me with my daughters; “You can tell you’re all related together like that.” So yeah, I’m a proud mama, passing on the King genes.

Anyways, I had my Scentsy Launch Party…which was more of an Open House where people are welcome to come between certain hours. It was a flop. Only 2 people attended. My foster mom, and a friend of hers. However, the only people that made orders were my mom, and my partner. It’s a bit frustrating and discouraging considering the amount of work I put into the invitations. The invitations were hand painted, hand printed, and I even made my own envelopes out of product sheets. All together, that was 32 invitations. Plus a sign that I made to put out front of my home. Still, not one person showed up. I put all that work in for nothing. So needless to say, I am very disappointed in the people within this neighborhood.

On a positive note, I’m just going to brush that off and try again. My Open house has been extended for the next 2 weeks. So people can drop in, check out and learn all about Scentsy.
Court was today, but I didn’t make it today. My lawyers secretary did call me, and I told her that my lawyer needs to contact the C.A.S worker regarding her plans. She wants to open a new case to ask the judge to have my eldest daughter to live with my partner and I. But that can’t happen until my Band gets served, and my partner gets his criminal record check in the mail. Once we have those documents, and Pikangikum is served for some odd reason, we can move ahead. So yeah, I believe todays court session was adjourned anyways, my ex really isn’t that involved. He’s more concerned about suing C.A.S, St. Francis Catholic School, and Wilton Grove Public School to prove himself right. He seems to be more concerned about himself, then the wellbeing and whereabouts of our children. I mean, just last weekend, my eldest daughter was crying because my ex hasn’t even been coming to the visits for months. Its heart breaking to see her cry, and not really be able to do anything to make it right. If he really gave a fuck, he’d show up to court, and he’d make it to ALL the visits. I remember when my visits were supervised, and I would run to get there if I had to. Just so my children wouldn’t ever think I didn’t care. So yeah, I’m not too happy with the ex for that reason. Our eldest daughter is already going through a lot, and she doesn’t need his bullshit on top of it.

Speaking of my ex. I got an email from CAS asking if it would be okay to drop off my eldest daughter at Vanier to visit her dad and her brother on Saturdays at Noon to 1pm. It’s not really fair that it cuts into my visitation hours, just because my ex was too lazy to go to the C.A.S building. But I agreed I would.

My partner feels that my ex should have to prove himself that he wants to be a father. Because lately, my partner has been more of a father to my eldest daughter than my ex has been. And she’s not even biologically his. So yeah, I understand his anger and frustration towards my ex. He feels that my ex doesn’t deserve that hour visit. Not after missing multiple visits. But unfortunately, my partner gets no say. It sounds like C.A.S sympathized with my ex, and he gets his visits regardless. All I’m saying is he better show up. My eldest daughter doesn’t deserve to be hurt emotionally again, and again, and again. However, she did say she looks forward to seeing her brother more so than her father. That says a lot.

I got an email yesterday or the day before, and I am to meet with my son and his psychologist to discuss their progress at Vanier. I am happy I finally get to see my son. I haven’t seen him since before my baby was born. But my partner says to be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster ride. Who knows what my son could be saying. So my partner has agreed to take the day off work to look after our baby, while I attend this meeting. Thing is, I still haven’t heard back from this psychologist to book an appointment. Ya know? I did leave a voice mail.

Other than that…Oooh! I was given an art opportunity. My Scentsy Sponsor said if I can get a painting done, it can be the door prize for her Fundraiser regarding Cancer. She’s a cancer survivor. So yeah, that’s pretty cool. I can still get my art out there through fundraisers! I am grateful for the offer, and hope I can create something amazing for her fundraising event. Especially after losing a friend to cancer that I couldn’t bear to watch die a year ago.

Who knows? Maybe once I get used to this Scentsy thing, maybe I’ll be able to have fundraisers of my own, and support non-profit organizations I support! It’s a future possibility.

But like I said, once I get the hang of things…it’s kind of a slow bumpy beginning. But maybe it’s that way for all home businesses.

I am having my doubts using social media as a tool of communication. Since I started Scentsy, and I’ve been trying to engage with others online…I noticed that that form of communication is actually kind of empty and numb. People just mindlessly “like” and RT. There is very little communicating. That’s a bit disturbing.

So maybe when it comes to my business, I may have to go to other lengths and find places with a sense of community. Because all my other attempts, social media, mail, it’s not working. Even approaching people on my walks isn’t working. So yeah, community settings should be my next target to engage people into actual conversations.

Anyways, enough babble from me. Thanks for reading! Peace and love! – Pooks

” The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

Thomas Edison

Let go

Hi again!

I know I have not written in awhile. Things just have been kinda crazy lately. 

I mean, yeah, with the passing of my foster dad, that did put things on hold. But in a way, it was a positive. It reconnected me with family members that I had shut out. I honestly thought that it would be that way for the rest of my life, but the pastor at my foster dad’s funeral, and just that whole experience. Not being able to say goodbye. Perhaps it was a slap of reality. Yeah, they weren’t perfect. They made mistakes. But “remember the good things“. And maybe I am tired of holding onto negative emotions. Just let bygones be bygones. Whatever happened, happened. This is now. It can be different. Plus, when it comes to my foster mom, just because she made mistakes with me as a mother, doesn’t mean she can’t be an amazing grandmother to my children. Point is, I don’t think she deserves to be punished for the rest of her life. 

So yeah, this funeral was very symbolic to me. About letting things go. Not only was I letting go of the life of my foster dad, but I was letting go of the past as well.I don’t want the same to happen with my remaining foster relatives, not being able to say goodbye. They won’t be here forever. So yeah, I am glad my own little family was welcomed despite my absence over the years. 

Anyways, my foster dad wasn’t a horrible person or father. He was well liked up north. I remember him being cheery. He was kind of like John Candy. He loved his music, and because of him I got to travel all over Canada, and to Florida. Because of him, he got me into Fanshawe College years ago. So I am grateful for all he’s done. Including his honesty. He did say he didn’t love us girls like his own, but he wouldn’t want to see us get hurt. So he did care in a way. Not only that, but he did apologize to me for not doing anything while I was being abused. So yeah, I imagine that took a lot of balls to say to me, and I am glad he was able to while he was alive. I’m not angry, and I don’t hate him. If anything, I am grateful for his life, and his passing. His death brought family together, and now my own family has an extended amount of support. Miigwech.

Umm… I know I said I would try to go to the New School of Colour once a month, but the week my foster dad passed, was when I going to, and didn’t. I was a bit emotionally distraught. Ya know? Hearing my foster dad was in the hospital, alive but not doing so great to hours later, hearing that he died. 

Not only that, it wouldn’t be safe for my baby and I hanging around an area where my partners ex lives. She’s not too happy that I confronted her about hitting on my partner. 

It’s probably not a good idea considering she has a record of 5 counts of assault. That and her boyfriend was threatening to hurt my partner, so yeah, violent people. Best to stay clear, especially with my baby.

Anyways, speaking of haters… someone this week tried to hack and take over my FB account. Smh. Get a life of your own. If you’re blocked? I probably have a good reason for it. Lol Some people. Geez. 

What else? When it comes to Scentsy, I am not doing so great. For an introvert, a job like this is very uncomfortable. I was to have a launch party in my home, but yeah. Just the thought of that is nerve wrecking. So my sponsor suggested an Open House. That could work better for me because people can come and go between certain hours and it’s more one on one interaction as opposed to an audience. So yeah… see how that goes.

I admit I am still iffy about Scentsy. I mean, I went to a meeting and the words that kept getting repeated was “I bought”. Consultants seem to do a lot of buying, yet speak very little about getting paid. So yeah, I find that very questionable. 

However, I am going to stick with it. Perhaps getting me out of my comfort zone could be a good thing. It could be a slow, bumpy beginning, but maybe I just have to give it a chance. 

I just have to remember why I took on this job; to help my partner make ends meet financially. Bills, debts, etc.

Deep breath…I can do this…

What else? My baby got her 6 month shots. She weighs 20lbs and 6ozs. She’s a big girl. I’m so proud of my Cute Bundle of Pudge. 

We missed a day of Beginning with Babies, but made it the following week for the last half hour. My baby really enjoys herself there. So yeah, I will continue the effort to go. 

My eldest daughter is starting to make friends with other children in the neighborhood. So I am proud of her. She’s more social than mommy. Haha!

However I did have an interesting discussion about art and sales with an artist that had a booth set up outside of the Normal School for Culture Days. I appreciate the tips. Maybe those tips will come in handy in the future when I have time to do art. Probably not until my little one is in daycare or school. 

Anyways, I noticed that The Root Cellar is doing a Call for Artists, so that could be a future possibility too. 

I did however register to be in the Twitter Art Exhibit again. This time it will be I’m the U.K fundraising for Molly Ollys. I’m pretty sure I can whip something up for that. I mean, donate art that is the size of a post card? Yeah, I can do that. Something small for a good cause. I can’t wait to see how many artists participate for the 2017 exhibit. 

Anyways, lots have been happening. We’ve gotten suprise visits from family, reconnected with family, and we might be seeing my partners mom soon as well. So yeah, busy busy. Thanks for reading! Peace and love – Pooks

“Pain will leave you, when you let go”

– Jeremy Aldana