Not going back

Hi again, 

And Happy New Year!

Things with my partner have been resolved. Thank goodness. It would have been a depressing way to start off the new year.

Anyways…

Turns out my partner was innocent in the whole situation, all he did was say “What’s up? How’s  life.  I got a wife and kids now. How’s  life treating you.” And this ex of his in Toronto, sent him a nude pic anyways, fully aware that he isn’t available.  Some women can be soooo skanky.  So yeah, I’m  not angry at my partner, but more so at her. So yeah, she better stay the fuck away from my family. I  swear I will kick her scrawny little ass in if she even thinks she can show her face around here. 

These exes that want my partner back after finding out he’s  doing well is getting a tad bit annoying. But I am grateful that despite thier slutty behavior, my partner is in fact blowing these women off. 

Speaking of annoying… now that I  patch things up with my partner, my foster mom’s has gotta start some drama. 

I posted the following on FB regarding my partner and I, but of coarse my supposed mom has got to make it all about her…

She was all like; but what about me?? All jealous and envious how forgiving I am towards my partner and not her. 

Note, I  have been rude during this situation with my partner towards her. I apologized for my behavior lately. But yeah, she just wants to make a scene, and gets mad when you actually have a valid response to her stupid comments. However, I  could have said much worse than I did. I  could have said the difference between her and my partner is that he had never laid a hand on me. She has.  She’s in the same category as the father to my eldest children, and the ex prior to him. ABUSIVE!! 

Of course it’s going to be more difficult to forgive an abuser. Ya know? The traumatic experience out weighs any good memories. In fact, it wipes it right out!! So, if I  hardly remember any good, what does that tell you?

But here is the thing…I was willing to let shit go with her, but since we’ve reconnected she’s been nothing but an annoying emotional pity party.  Saying shit to my kids like; ” I  will probably never see you again. Your mom probably won’t let me.” Shit like that. 

I wouldn’t have let her in on my Facebook account, or in my home had I  not been willing to move on already. But clearly she isn’t. She just keeps bringing up the past, and quite honestly, it gets annoying when you are trying to focus and resolve shit in the present. 

So once again I blocked her ass off my social media. Ya know? She keeps bringing up shit that happened a long time ago. I’m  over it. I  moved on with my life. Sorry you feel guilty for being the abusive bitch that you were. Perhaps you should deal with that. I  am living in the present, not the past.  

Yes she did help us out with lots of groceries and gifts.  And we were grateful. But I’m sure she’s  just going to turn around and play a victim and say we were taking advantage of her, and we’re using her. It wouldn’t  surprise me. She’s  done the same before back when she babysat my son. Never again. Hence why I don’t ask her for fuck all. 

So in case she decides to talk shit behind our backs, voila!! Nice try. 

It’s  not my fault she feels guilty for things she’s done to me in the past. 

Something that  I  learned over the years, I  choose who I want and don’t  want in my life. I don’t  have to put up with her shit. Matter of fact, here’s  a little quote from Labrinth: 

“You have no power over me.” 

Besides all that, Happy New Year! Be safe. Drink responsably if that’s  what you choose to do. And make your 2017 awesome. See you in the New Year! 😉 Peace and love! 

 – Pooks 
 

Advertisements

Or so I thought

Hi again.

Christmas went well…or so I thought…My son was over for a few hours, and my mom, her friend, and my brother joined us for dinner. 

It’s on Boxing Day that everything went to shit.  We went to my now ex boyfriends sister’s house, and they were having a huge family gathering. I was with my baby and Oma. My baby was playing with her dad’s keys, and since he was going to go out for a smoke and the smokes were in his truck, he traded our daughter his keys for his cell phone to play with. 

Anyways, I  thought it would be a good idea to take a picture of our baby at this event using his cell phone. I got to the camera app, and my baby swatted it out of my hand as she tumbled. After I helped my baby up, I  picked up the cell phone…only to see a nude pic of another woman has been saved on his phone. 

Immediately I went to go question him about it, and he was like can we go in the garage and talk? Just then I knew he’s  been trying to hide something.  And he for sure doesn’t want his family to know either. 

He told me it was an ex-girlfriend  from 10 years ago, and they’ve been texting for months. That’s what he said at first…but then his story changed to 2 weeks to 2 days. So yeah, I am not going to ever believe another word that comes out of his mouth. 

If these texts happened 4 months months ago…he would have never told me had I not found the picture. The secrets. The lies. What else could he be hiding? 

I seriously just want to pack up with the girls and leave. But I just got my eldest daughter back into my care…if I go…where would I  go? We would have to start from scratch, and go to a homeless shelter.  I don’t think CAS would approve of that. 

I don’t think staying is a good idea. We just bicker every time we’re in the same room. Just the way he was raising his voice and throwing things around scared my eldest daughter, so she asked if she can go to her friends place. 

I know I can manage on my own. I was on my own for 5 years. I know one of my strengths is being resourceful. 

Plus, it’s not like he’s doing any parenting to begin with. It’s all on me. He works, comes home and avoids everyone by finding more work and drinking. So he acts more like a roommate, than anything. Kinda like living with a stranger. Only when things are about to hit the fan does he get involved as an actual parent. 

But ERRRRR!!! I’ve  had it with men!! I  am never enough!! There is always someone else. I’m  sorry I  have a body of a mother that has given birth to 3 kids and I don’t  look like a playboy centerfold!!

No I’m not sexually active, and don’t really want to make another child. My 2 clingy daughters keep me busy as is. Gee, no wonder why they’re clingy. Because thier freakin father’s won’t man up and be the parents they need!! It’s  all on the women. FUCK MEN!! They’re okay with making babies, but when it comes to the responsibility, haha!! Where the fuck are they? 

Which reminds me, my NOW ex tried to have sex with me before Christmas. But since he tried to stick it in my ass, I  was immediately turned off. No wonder he tried it that way. He doesn’t want to face me, he wants to imagine that I’m SOMEONE ELSE!!! So yeah, fuck him. He’s never touching this body again. He can talk to exes all he wants. They can have him. I don’t  want want to look at him. I don’t  want to talk to him. This relationship is done. 

As for ass FUCKING!! That is completely unnatural and was created by a chauvinistic porn industry that degrades and disrespects women!! So fuck the ass fucking!! Not to mention it just reminds me of being raped by my foster sisters biological brother. Not into it.

As for cheating, funny cause he said if I  ever cheated he would end it without hesitation.  However, vise versa and it’s  not fair. I’m  being an “immature” bitch.  

Whatever.  I was having my doubts anyways. I  didn’t like how he “joked” that he was surrounded by estrogen.  After awhile, that no longer is funny. It begins to sound sexist, and chauvinistic.  Like us girls are not good enough, so he wants a son. 

Well…find another woman to make that son with because you just fucked this relationship right up!!! 

It may take time, but I will get me and the kids out. I deserve better than this bullshit, and so do my kids. They don’t deserve to see thier mother hurt again and again. Fuck men. I’m so done. 

He thinks texting another woman isn’t cheating. Well? Not only was he texting another woman…she was sending him nudes, and he clearly saved an image on his cell to jerk off to!!! And the fact that he was never going to tell me about all this???? Just keep it hush hush. I believe that is classified as cheating ASSHOLE!!

So yeah, maybe I will have to talk to a professional on what to do about this situation. Maybe the CAS worker involved. I imagine I will be sent to counselling because I  am furious. I am hurt. I am never enough. – Pooks 

After All These Years

Hi again!

I guess I  should start with what happened at court, rather than leaving my loyal readers hanging. WE GOT CUSTODY OF MY ELDEST DAUGHTER!! Thanks to CAS, the judge, and my lawyer. It’s been quite the journey to say the least.

It went by so quickly, I had to ask my partner, what just happened? But yeah, we did it! And now my daughter is finally home, after all these years. I  am so grateful. 1 down, 1 to go. Nope, I  haven’t forgotten about my son. I  will do my best to bring him home too. 

However, according to CAS, things may take longer for my son. Due to his mental health.  In fact, he might even be placed in a temporary foster home. 

Which reminds me, thanks to Tiff (the temporary foster parent of my eldest daughter) for taking such good care of my eldest daughter during this big transition in her life. I am trying to get in contact with this lady so she can say a proper good bye to my daughter, and  so that I can thank her in person. Hopefully she gets in touch with me.  

Anyways, I  had 2 visits with my son. One with my eldest daughter present. Another that I was late for and missed. However, my efforts must have been recognized considering despite my lateness, I  dropped off a bunch of gifts for my son at Vanier. It took me longer to pack those up than expected. Lol. But yeah, I  guess my son wants to come visit our home for Christmas , and that just made this mama super excited. I  plan to not tell my eldest daughter, and to let that be a surprise.  Her big brother is coming over for Christmas!! 

What else?  I registered my daughter into school. My issue isn’t being late. Matter of fact, I got a call today saying that I’m sending my eldest daughter to school too early. So yeah. Trial and error. Rather than sending her out at 8:15am, I’ll send her to school at 8:30am. We will get this right! Lol

So with my eldest daughter going to school now, I  finally get to watch her in a school Christmas Concert for the first time. This mama is soooo excited! 

I was supposed to go downtown today and hand in our income statement to OW, but that didn’t happen.  Instead something else did. Chewie, one of our shiatus went into labour and had 5 PUPPIES!! 6 actually.  But 1 didn’t make it. So congrats to mommy hood to Chewie, and Congrats to Molly (our other shiatsu) for becoming a grandma! It’s been quite the day. That, plus numerous emails and phone calls throughout the day. 

Anyways, to avoid any puppy drama (like what happened last year), we are going to send the puppies to my partners mom in Oshawa, and she will find them good homes there.

What else? Oh! Was it last Friday? Yeah. My partner and I  went out for a date night. We got a babysitter for the kids that evening (thank you!), and we had dinner at The Keg with my partners Boss, his boss’ wife, his boss’ receptionist and her partner. So it was 3 couples all together.  It was a lovely evening. Thanks to my partners boss for paying for it all. That was very kind and generous.  

Oh! My mom stopped by and surprised us with a lot of groceries.  We were totally not expecting that, but we are extremely grateful.  That will help tie us over for the Christmas break. Thank you so much Mom! I mean wow. 

What else? If you follow me on social media, you’ll notice that I’m  still kicking with Scentsy, because I’m  stubborn like that. Haha! But yeah, just got the news that the month prv expectations just bounced up from 150 to 200. I have a hard enough time just getting 150 per month. So yeah. That will be a challenge. I’ll try not to get too frustrated though. Ya know? Not be too hard on myself. I mean, my business is technically still in it’s baby stages. I  gotta give it time to truly kick off and get my name out there.  

As for art. I haven’t done anything since my commission piece. Kind of need the materials for that. And for materials, you kind of need the money for that. So yeah, it’s on a stand still at the moment. But when I  can, I  want to stock up on canvases and start working on pieces for a solo exhibition.  I  haven’t decided where I want it to be yet, but yeah, I’ll have to look into that. Some research is going to be required before I go nose diving into that. But just so you know, the idea…the plan…it’s  starting!

I also need to buy a fairly large canvas for a commission piece I haven’t even started yet.  I am to paint something that unites a native and a buffalo soldier. I need to do my research on the Buffalo soldier though. Anyways, the client seems to think I am capable of bringing his vision of unity to life. I  hope so. I  don’t paint people often, nor horses. So yeah, I hope I can do it! Thank him for being very patient. Large canvases aren’t cheap, and as you can see…I haven’t gotten it yet. Buy what you need first, not what you want.  Thank my mom for that lesson!

Anyways, that’s  enough babble for now. Lots going on. Busy busy in the life of this mama. 

And I  can’t  forget my little bundle of pudge that keeps me company 24/7. She’s  doing awesome. Standing, bouncing, jumping (while being held). She’ll  be walking in no time. She’s  a persistent bugger, just like her daddy. Lol Not to mention that she’s  becoming quite the chatter box. Sure it may sound like baby babble, but reading to her is definitely paying off. She can say Dada, Mom, and All done. So yeah, this momma is impressed.

Anyways, as always, thank you for reading! And see you next time! Peace and love! – Pooks 

Point is, I  gave it a Shot

Hi  again , 

I  had a blog almost finished, but it didn’t save. Guuuh!! Starting over…

Well I was interrupted  by some Scentsy drama. I made a deal with another Scentsy Consultant to get this Origami thing that is out of stock now, but I  have a customer  that ordered it. So I  have to basically buy it from another consultant. Anyways, Tammy Dempsey  from Brampton, ON said she would mail it off the following weekend. She never did, and  I already put the e-transfer through. Anyways, weeks later she asks if I  still want it? I’m  like, of coarse I  do, I  paid for it. So yeah, it would seem that she literally tried to rip me off. I won’t be doing business with her again. She’s unreliable. Anyways, I  expressed my frustration online that she hasn’t  mailed it off yet, and she changed her mind. Saying I should think twice and all that power tripping b.s. So yeah, e-transfer  is canceled. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to do business with her. Her customer service skills suck ass. Especially  if it takes weeks to deliver something small. 

But yeah. Life with Scentsy hasn’t been all that it makes itself out to be. I  put a lot of time and energy into it, and get no results. Yeah, I  had thrown another Scentsy  party that flopped. I  tried to invite my neighbors within my complex, and not a single person showed up. People don’t  want to leave thier homes. Face to face interaction is a dying form of communication. Everybody would rather interact through a screen, but I  had already mentioned the flaws with using social media as a form of communication. No point in repeating myself. 

My foster mom’s  advice? She thinks I  should  just stick with my art. Maybe she’s right. Heck my art is more successful right now than this whole time that I’ve  been a Scentsy Consultant . My commission  painting is complete and will be sold for $125. More than I get from Scentsy. I  haven’t been officially paid yet, considering I never make the host base amount required. So in order to get my customers orders to them, I  usually  have to switch the orders from a party order to an individual order under myself.

 The more I  think  about it, the more I  think  I  will be happier. I  mean, I  know I  am an artist at heart. Trying to be anything else is just silly. 

Plus, I  haven’t  had a solo exhibition yet. I’ve  always relied on the New School of Colour  and  The  Ark  to sell my work, but perhaps  it’s time to  fly solo. Actually try to make it happen, and  be a full time professional artist. 

So yeah, rather than in investing and wasting money on a home business that is getting no results. Time to invest towards what I  am really passionate about. I can just give my extra Scentsy stock to my Sponsor, and be a customer. I  feel more like a customer than a consultant anyways. 

Point is, I  gave it a  shot. And like my aunt said, the numerous failures  aren’t my fault. I honestly did try. 

So yeah, it was learning experience. I  laugh at my struggles now. Getting my feathers ruffled over people not buying this piece of  junk off me. It isn’t a  piece of  junk by the way, each warmer is hand made and painted. But, perhaps the thing we need to focus on is passion. I  was selling the wrong thing. All this time I should have been selling my art. That is my true passion. 

Like Corey Taylor once advised to a bunch of university students; Do what your good at. Not what you love. Those are 2 different things. However, I  am fortunate since what I  love is also what I’m good at.

In other aspects of my life, I finally got to see my son after so long. He cried when he seen his baby sister, and said that she is the cutest baby he’s ever seen. It warms my heart to know that he accepts  her as a sister. I  know he will be an awesome big brother to her. 

Tomorrow is the big day, meaning we go to court to request to have my eldest daughter live with my partner and I .  Fingers crossed that all goes well, especially since our home is where she wants to be. 

My baby went from crawling to pulling herself up and standing with support. Soon our Lil Miss Mischief will be walking!! Hard to believe in 4 months she will be one year old. Where does time go? 

On Friday I get to see my son again. So glad he doesn’t hate me, or think that all this is my fault. It’s not.

This evening, hopefully, my commission painting will be sold. I  meet up with  the buyer later. So yeah, overall  things are good.

My partner wants another baby, and you know me…I need to think about it. Can we afford to bring another baby into the family? My children are just starting to accept thier sister, is it too soon to bring another? Will my knees be able to last through another pregnancy? So on and so forth… I’m  holding off for the time being, but  you never know. Things do happen. One day at a time. Thanks for reading! Peace and Love – Pooks