Or so I thought

Hi again.

Christmas went well…or so I thought…My son was over for a few hours, and my mom, her friend, and my brother joined us for dinner. 

It’s on Boxing Day that everything went to shit.  We went to my now ex boyfriends sister’s house, and they were having a huge family gathering. I was with my baby and Oma. My baby was playing with her dad’s keys, and since he was going to go out for a smoke and the smokes were in his truck, he traded our daughter his keys for his cell phone to play with. 

Anyways, I  thought it would be a good idea to take a picture of our baby at this event using his cell phone. I got to the camera app, and my baby swatted it out of my hand as she tumbled. After I helped my baby up, I  picked up the cell phone…only to see a nude pic of another woman has been saved on his phone. 

Immediately I went to go question him about it, and he was like can we go in the garage and talk? Just then I knew he’s  been trying to hide something.  And he for sure doesn’t want his family to know either. 

He told me it was an ex-girlfriend  from 10 years ago, and they’ve been texting for months. That’s what he said at first…but then his story changed to 2 weeks to 2 days. So yeah, I am not going to ever believe another word that comes out of his mouth. 

If these texts happened 4 months months ago…he would have never told me had I not found the picture. The secrets. The lies. What else could he be hiding? 

I seriously just want to pack up with the girls and leave. But I just got my eldest daughter back into my care…if I go…where would I  go? We would have to start from scratch, and go to a homeless shelter.  I don’t think CAS would approve of that. 

I don’t think staying is a good idea. We just bicker every time we’re in the same room. Just the way he was raising his voice and throwing things around scared my eldest daughter, so she asked if she can go to her friends place. 

I know I can manage on my own. I was on my own for 5 years. I know one of my strengths is being resourceful. 

Plus, it’s not like he’s doing any parenting to begin with. It’s all on me. He works, comes home and avoids everyone by finding more work and drinking. So he acts more like a roommate, than anything. Kinda like living with a stranger. Only when things are about to hit the fan does he get involved as an actual parent. 

But ERRRRR!!! I’ve  had it with men!! I  am never enough!! There is always someone else. I’m  sorry I  have a body of a mother that has given birth to 3 kids and I don’t  look like a playboy centerfold!!

No I’m not sexually active, and don’t really want to make another child. My 2 clingy daughters keep me busy as is. Gee, no wonder why they’re clingy. Because thier freakin father’s won’t man up and be the parents they need!! It’s  all on the women. FUCK MEN!! They’re okay with making babies, but when it comes to the responsibility, haha!! Where the fuck are they? 

Which reminds me, my NOW ex tried to have sex with me before Christmas. But since he tried to stick it in my ass, I  was immediately turned off. No wonder he tried it that way. He doesn’t want to face me, he wants to imagine that I’m SOMEONE ELSE!!! So yeah, fuck him. He’s never touching this body again. He can talk to exes all he wants. They can have him. I don’t  want want to look at him. I don’t  want to talk to him. This relationship is done. 

As for ass FUCKING!! That is completely unnatural and was created by a chauvinistic porn industry that degrades and disrespects women!! So fuck the ass fucking!! Not to mention it just reminds me of being raped by my foster sisters biological brother. Not into it.

As for cheating, funny cause he said if I  ever cheated he would end it without hesitation.  However, vise versa and it’s  not fair. I’m  being an “immature” bitch.  

Whatever.  I was having my doubts anyways. I  didn’t like how he “joked” that he was surrounded by estrogen.  After awhile, that no longer is funny. It begins to sound sexist, and chauvinistic.  Like us girls are not good enough, so he wants a son. 

Well…find another woman to make that son with because you just fucked this relationship right up!!! 

It may take time, but I will get me and the kids out. I deserve better than this bullshit, and so do my kids. They don’t deserve to see thier mother hurt again and again. Fuck men. I’m so done. 

He thinks texting another woman isn’t cheating. Well? Not only was he texting another woman…she was sending him nudes, and he clearly saved an image on his cell to jerk off to!!! And the fact that he was never going to tell me about all this???? Just keep it hush hush. I believe that is classified as cheating ASSHOLE!!

So yeah, maybe I will have to talk to a professional on what to do about this situation. Maybe the CAS worker involved. I imagine I will be sent to counselling because I  am furious. I am hurt. I am never enough. – Pooks 


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