Whatever That May Be

Hi again!

I get to visit my son at Vanier tomorrow. However, I was disappointed that I’m not allowed to take him for a walk outside of Vanier. Kind of makes me think that the ex is right, our son is being institutionalized. He’s being treated like a criminal by numerous organizations.

The schools feared him because of his height. I’m sure his angry outbursts didn’t help. But by the sounds of it, it sounds like he was just trying to get some academic help, and no teachers were willing to do so. But singling him out based on his size? That’s pretty discriminative of these organizations. Should a child be experiencing that kind of discrimination at his age? He was 10 at the time, 11 now. 

Yes, the whole reason he is at Vanier now is because he said he wanted to kill himself. This took place at a foster home in Chatham. But after an incident with my daughter recently, I’m starting to think that maybe things have been blown way out of proportion when it comes to my son. I mean, with my eldest daughter, my partner and I asked her to clean her room. She didn’t want to, and started saying things like; “I don’t deserve to live.” Is she being institutionalized? No. Children can say stupid things without meaning it. They can be over-dramatic.  Which makes me think that maybe my son was cut off of video games or something, and he said something stupid because of it. Why he must be treated like a criminal for it? Beats me. But then again, I know suicide is a voodoo topic, and isn’t taken very lightly. So yeah, not exactly the best thing to falsely claim to want to do just because something doesn’t go your way.

Even court for my son has been taking place very differently than for my daughter. I mean, with my son, apparently my band has to be served as well. This wasn’t the case for my daughter, matter of fact, things happened rather rapidly with her in court. But because my son is being labeled as “Indian”, and my daughter wasn’t. I find once you label someone as an “Indian” or Native, society takes it as a green light to discriminate this individual. So…my son is native, and my daughter isn’t? Doesn’t make any sense considering thier mother IS native.

Hence why and when I do surveys online (or applications), I do not answer questions that ask me about my culture or ethnic background. Thankfully, there’s an option that allows you to prefer not to say. I used to say I was aboriginal in these surveys, but then I noticed that surveys would just shut down, and I’d get a screen that would come up saying sorry, there’s no survey for you at this time.

That’s besides the point, back to my son. I saw a tweet on Twitter that struck a cord, and made me think of him and his current situation. It was posted by Mine Magazine, and it said: Children must be protected from discrimination. Notice the word protected. Yeah, that goes for schools, and children services such as CAS and Vanier as well.

I understand that they are concerned that schizophrenia may have been passed down. But then again, maybe that paranoia trait was just picked up from living with his father for five years. Children mimic their environment. So if my son was having anger issues, hissy fits, and throwing things at teachers…where did he learn that behavior from? I did mention that he was living with his father for 5 years, did I not?

Things are looking rather dim for my son. Especially when it comes to custody, and getting him out of Vanier. When he does get out, he’ll still have to attend the 8 to 8 program. But since he doesn’t want to visit here, it’s making my chances of bringing him home rather slim. Ya know? He’s going to get himself stuck in foster care as a crown ward.

I can’t see CAS giving custody back to his father. Especially after having a psychiatrist ask why CAS put our children in the care of a schizophrenic in the first place. Not to mention that he is making himself look even more crazier by wanting to sue CAS, St. Francis Catholic School, and Wilton Grove public school for “breech of trust.” I can’t see that going very well. So I am my sons only hope, and he’s rejecting me.

Or is he? I mean for awhile there, I had CAS tell me that my son wasn’t interested in visiting with me, yet my ex and our daughter were saying otherwise. So I confronted CAS on that through email, and they said the same, he’s still not interested. Then I called my son at Vanier, and he said he would like to visit, just not all the time. Hence how I got my visit for tomorrow, my son called his worker, and his worker called CAS after that phone call.

Is CAS trying to prevent him from coming home to his mother? Why? Why let my daughter, but not my son? Because they are playing match maker and they think he doesn’t fit into the picture? He’s my son, of coarse he fits in here. And I have a shit load of support on my side for him too. My partner’s family accepts him. My foster family is there to support. My biological family is there to support. Heck, I’m even in touch with my exes mother and eldest daughter. They too are there to support!!

So if you ask me, I don’t get it. Even though my visit will be unsupervised, why the need to “reassess” in order for me to take my son for a walk and give him a little freedom? I’m not the risk or concern, so why treat me as if I were? Hmmm… Because my son said I yanked him out of bed?? No, my daughter always woke him up with the puppies, or sometimes I would blow a whistle. No physical contact. However, maybe the story got mixed up.  I did drag my partner out of bed when he came home drunk, and I was upset that he did when my daughter and son were over for a visit. They’ve witnessed enough drugs and alcohol through their father and his friends. Anyways,  I was going to kick my partner out of the house. But we talked, and we both went to bed. Unfortunately we did wake my son up, and he saw me crying. That was last year. Every now and then there were arguments between my partner and I regarding alcohol, and yeah, hopefully that’s behind us and we are on the same page now. If he drinks over 3 beers, sleep in  the man cave. So far that agreement has been working for the both of us.

Overall, I don’t think my son should be discriminated and continuously punished based on his size, ethnic background, and for saying something stupid that he did not mean. That’s just my opinion on this whole situation.

I miss him. He’s a good kid. At least with me he was.

I know things would be different here, and probably hard to adjust to. Considering he had so much free reign with his father, there’s actually rules here. And we get up early every morning. My daughter goes to school on her own, and comes back on her own. We live right beside the school. But she is to do homework as soon as she gets home, and clean her room before she can play. I know my son struggled with rules and authority. The stuff my ex was teaching him is more for university students, about Capitalism and stuff. A child’s mind isn’t ready for that. I mean look what it did to our son, he didn’t want to participate in society whatsoever and got quite depressed that he’d just sleep all day. On the plus side, he’s too smart for his age with what he knows… he is consciously aware of the system unlike other children his age.

Anyways, I can only hope for the best for my son, whatever that may be.

Peace and Love – Pooks



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