The Stress

Debt. Money. Slavery

Those words seem to be in my head lately. 

My partner and I jotted down how much debt we owe combined, and it comes to $10,200. 

It does suck that I cannot help him with this burden.  I  tried Scentsy, but no one would buy the freakin shit. I tried surveying, but I need 1000 points just to make $10. I’m not even close. 

So I  try to sell some art. Only sold 2 pieces lately and made $175. It went to bills, and baby needs. 

Slavery. I  should take it as a compliment that no one in this city hires me. It means I am unfit to be a slave like everyone else. But when I try to be this “slave”, I’m given a false illusion that I am, yet no one takes interest in whatever I may be selling. So that door eventually closes. 

I try to think of creative ways to make an income, I add a donate button to this blog, but that just gets ignored. I put together another book, and that isn’t even taking off. 

So it gets frustrating. Ya know? People might as well be saying that my work or anything I do is worthless. At least that’s how it starts to feel like after awhile. 

According to the CRA, we won’t be receiving any of the baby bonus until I can start paying off my student loan. I already mentioned how much we struggle without the baby bonus. So yeah. How is am I supposed to pay that without a job? I am running out of ideas. 

That part of life, the debt, it’s eating away at my mind. However, I am grateful that it is not something my partner and fight over. Seen enough of that growing up. 

Money is a stupid illusion to stress over anyways. Why we let a small number of people control it beats me! What makes them so special? Because they are the “hierarchy “, the burgousie? If they really want to separate themselves from everyone else, then let them. YOU ARE NOT ONE OF US! So why should we follow? Or abide by thier rules? Thier just people. Fertilizer for the earth like everyone else. Yet we slave away for them, even though we have never met these people, nor ever will. 

But whatever, don’t listen to me, I’m just a commoner losing her bloody mind about money and debt. Something imaginary that only the Royal Bank controls.They can magically turn thin air into millions.  That’s all it really is…thin air. The physical substance of money isn’t enough for the billions of people. So there will always be the poor, the suffering…while these wealthy shits make however much money they desire out of thin air!! How convenient! 

I hate money.  I hate that I  have to stress over it, and worry for my families well-being  because of it .  Money is a disease that I despise. 

But until we tell the Capitalists to go fuck themselves, we are stuck in this shitty mess of a system where majority suffer, and few benefit.  That’s not going to happen because everyone is too chicken shit. Let the media strike fear into your minds. It’s only controlled by THEM. 

But whatever, I’m  a ranting mom. Maybe I just have P.M.S. 

But for some fucked up reason, we follow this stupid system created by an old white MAN!! It’s  2017 for crying out loud, don’t you think it’s time for these old farts to be thrown off thier high horses? 

Who gives a shit about blood lines, family lineage, or whatever the fuck. People are people. Blood is blood. You and I are no different in my book. 

Debt, money, in the end it only benefits them.  

So yeah, feeling the pressure. Feeling the stress and anxiety that is caused by this nonsense. You can say I’m mentally ill, but then you would have to say everyone is. At least the majority of the people feel this stressful pressure.

Will the people ever stray from this shit? Will we look towards renewable energy, and move away from gas and oil?

Some will. Some have already started. Hence why you hear about the government taking homes away from people living off grid. More need to follow suit, because there is more of us, then there is of them. 

Thanks for reading my stressful rant. I needed to vent. 

This money shit is fuckin bullshit. Ya know? Just wondering what the hell am I going to do. What can I  create or try next? 

My 8 year old daughter is more successful than I am when it comes to employment in this city. She’ll make from $30 – $90 / month. Even though I  usually am the one doing majority of the work for her. At least she’s off to a good start. Something I didn’t have up north.

Thinking about it, if I sell paintings for $125 each, I would have to make and sell about 57 paintings just to cover my student loan. If only it were that easy. Not all paintings are gaurunteed to sell. I mean, I tried to sell old ones, and only 1 sold. Not to mention how much time it takes me to finish one. I wish I could be like some artists out there and just whip something up in one day. But my work isn’t like that. 

Maybe I  should go on a blogging strike. If you want me back…leave a donation. Until then, I’m out of here and going to try to figure something out so my partner doesn’t have all this weight on his shoulders.

Time to stop taking my work for granted. I  got bills and debts to pay, and a family to feed too. 

It is March now. My baby turns 1, and next month I go to court. Will Pooks get her son back???….

Ooh… what a way to get left hanging. 

Peace and Love – Pooks 

  The illusion is reality. The only contradiction is the observer. 

– Lionel Suggs


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