Isolation. To speak more on that…it’s like after all this shit. I actually just want a supportive community. Something or people there for my kids. A support system, which can’t be accomplished when isolated.
As for the alcohol, I feel like I have been lied to. My now ex-partner, he said he’d quit cold turkey for his baby and never did. Stupid me for believing that bullshit.
He says he just wants to “live” a little when it comes to alcohol. Well, now he can “live” all he wants without the kids and I.
Which is another thing. I kept feeling like the kids and I were a burden on his life. He’d get all low on himself driving past big homes, and ask; “Where did I go wrong?”
Your with an artist. An artist isn’t the easiest career choice, but I believe one day, it will pull through. However, he’d doubt, and always say I need to get a part time job. A real job. So yeah, not really supportive of my dreams and goals, just his own. It’s hard to be inspired and motivated with someone that doesn’t believe in you.
I’ve mentioned before that it drove me absolutely nuts having to be completely financially dependant on him. He’s not exactly financially responsible. For months he’d ignore the bills. So they just added up so much that I had to reach out to the Stability Bank.
He neglected the debt that would release our baby bonus. Getting the baby bonus back would have helped out big time. But no no no, let’s buy beer instead.
Anyways, after being a week away from him, my eldest daughters confidence has been improving.
I can’t apologize enough to my eldest children. They didn’t deserve to be hurt that way by my ex partner talking shit about thier father as a negative comparison to himself just to biggy himself up. It’s no wonder my eldest children don’t like him. They just probably see him as an arrogant idiot.
However, I am trying to make it right. I got my children out of a negative environment, and hopefully will start over and build a new safe haven for my children.
I was finally able to see my doctor regarding this current pregnancy. Without a phone I couldn’t book an appointment. And now, appointments are scheduled, and things are getting done.
I have support, and even though it seems like I took a huge step backwards. I have hope that I am about to be launched forward to something amazing.
Anyways, that’s two blog posts in one day. Oh well. As long as it’s not all trapped in my head. Mentally, I needed this. Kinda like taking out the trash.
Thanks for reading. Peace and love- Pooks