Never Going Back

Well…I didn’t think I’ve ever blog again. But here I am. 

I left my now ex-partner.  Perhaps I just don’t or can’t envision alcohol being a regular thing in my family life. 

To make it short, we fought. But it’s like each time we do, it gets worse. This time I feel I was pushed to my limit, I actually hit him on the side the head with a small object. Note, he was blocking the door, and it was moments after he accused me of cheating and saying that I’m not a big loss. 

Just the fact he accused me of cheating, when I’m the one with the children 24/7, with no breaks. No phone, no Internet connection. Isolated. Yet he has his phone always topped up with minutes and data. Yet he’s the one who had the picture of a naked ex on his cell phone around Christmas.  Yet he communicates with exes on Facebook after saying he blocked his last ex. They still had contact. Yeah. But I’m the one cheating??? You’re fuckin stupid. 

What else? The threats pretty much finalized my decision to pack up and leave with the children.  Not only did he scare me, but his stupid drunken ass scared the girls. 

But yeah, the threats.

“Do you want me to beat you like your ex?!” He said that numerous of times. 

Since I whacked him upside the head, he threatened to take our baby daughter, put my eldest daughter in foster care, and have me thrown in jail. 

Way to end the relationship! Bravo jackass.  Anyways, it’s pretty much over. I mean there is no point trying to salvage anything when he obviously made it clear that he does not trust me, ahem, accusing ME of cheating. So yeah, a relationship without trust, isn’t a relationship at all. 

Plus, these fantasies of going off grid.  It’s more of his dream.  I don’t really think I want to be isolated with him, an alcoholic in denial. 

I was getting super annoyed with the drinking. I mean, he needs it when he’s stressed. We can’t have a good family outing without it. That’s pretty pathetic if you need beer to have a good time. I tried to invite some friends over for a music and art night, and he had to turn it into an event that includes…you guessed it, alcohol. My friends don’t need alcohol, you know, we can have a blast with just coffee and art. 

Months ago, when we fought about alcohol. It’s always about alcohol.  I said he should find somewhere else to stay. But he said since “he pays the rent”, it was the girls and I that had to find another place to stay for the night.  Pretty stupid huh?

As for the way he treated my eldest children. It’s like he didn’t accept them. With flat out bluntness, he treated them like shit. I mean, he’d nag and nag at my eldest daughter to the point she was in tears over tiny measly pointless shit! Shit that doesn’t deserve a huge ass lecture. Such as not grabbing a chair to put a dish away. Wow. It’s no wonder my son stopped visiting! 

He supposedly claims that he treats his little brother and sister the same way. I doubt it. For the 2 years I’ve been with him, I’ve never seen him treat his siblings as poorly as he has my children. 

Not only that, but I’ve asked him so many times to stop bringing up my children’s father during these lectures that he gives my children. But does he listen? No. It’s like he deliberately does so to “get even”, to hurt my children emotionally. Excuse me, but that is abuse. I even showed him the email we got from CAS requesting that that be stopped. What does he do??? HE CONTINUES TO DO IT!!! 

So yeah, it’s been a week since I left him, and I stand firm in my decision. I  AM thinking about whats best for the kids, and he’s not it. 

I’m working on getting my own address.  Fuck men. I’m done. 

Yeah, I am pregnant. But I have mostly been parenting on my own anyways. He was always drinking. In the backyard having fires, at a friends, he’ll leave to go fishing or hunting, or he’d hideout in the basement. He was hardly involved.  So yeah, if I was parenting on my own anyways, he might as well just pay child support and I will do this on my own. 

I am never going back. Pooks deserves better than that shit. 

Thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks 

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