I’m blogging again…

Because the more I think about that CAS meeting, the more upset I get.

Anyways, I’m not too happy with CAS and thier little games. The CAS worker said that my eldest son’s mental health is no longer a concern, and the focus is getting him caught up with his education. I could do that! Why is he still in foster care if he is no longer considered a risk to my youngest children? Why is he still in foster care when I CAN handle his education? If the foster family can do it, so can I. And I’m sure the school would help me out.
Didn’t CAS say because of his “mental health” they didn’t think I could handle? And now his mental health is not an issue? They just want to give my son away??
Do they really think they can just give my son away like that? Like they expect me to be okay with it??? I was understanding if it was for mental health reasons, but clearly that’s BULLSHIT!
My son spend a year at Vanier, and months in a foster home, why? For no legit reason?? They’ve messed with my son enough. Why put my son through all of this? What was it for??
I’m very upset by this.
The whole reason my eldest son was behind in his education is because CAS put my kids in the care of thier father. He didn’t bother taking our son to school. That’s on CAS!

For putting my children in his freakin care! He can’t even take care of himself!

Don’t get me wrong, thier father and I have a good friendship, and he acknowledges and regrets his mistakes. Hence, why we teamed up. We want our son back!

And now all this wasted time…that too is on CAS!
They’re just playing with my son’s life, and that is not okay


It’s like I just saw two years unfold before my eyes, and I’m devastated. 2 years of bullshit. 2 years I can’t get back. CAS is just playing around so they got a job, a pay cheque.

This is a child’s life they’re meddling with, and they don’t even care. They’re just all being nonchalant about it. They want to continue?? Put him in foster care for no reason? A pay cheque? Maybe be rewarded with a tropical vacation because thier business is disgusting like that!!


Thanks for reading my venting rant. Holy fuck. Wtf?

Not the most pleasant of blogs. But yeah. Thanks for reading. I’m one pissed off mama.

Peace and love – Pooks


The Meeting

Hi again!

Wow. My last blog post was February 21st, so it has been awhile.

Since my two youngest children are napping, I might as well blog now, since I can.


My Public Health Nurse came by on February 23ird. She weighed my baby, and was happy with the amount of weight my baby has gained. When she weighed him, he was 12lbs and 9ozs.

My eldest daughter got a visit with her brother on March 1st. I gave her some pictures of my eldest daughter and younger children to pass on to him. That way he has pictures of his siblings.

As usual, my eldest daughter doesn’t talk much about the visit, besides that it was a good visit. I hope he’s doing okay. I do miss him. And I worry about him. It’s the whole not knowing. But I have faith he’s okay, and I believe I will see him again.

Prior to the visit, I got a call from the school counselor regarding my eldest daughter. I guess she was getting upset in class thinking about her brother. She worries that if he gets adopted, she’ll never see him again. I try to reassure her to stay positive. That’s all we can do.

As you seen in my last blog I was served with more court papers from my ex-partner. Well, court was on March 5th. Waiting to get into the court room took awhile, but once in there, the proceeding went rather quickly. Basically my ex partner needs to do his taxes for the last 3 years.

The judge said that he can’t go saying to me; YOU CAN’T MOVE OR TRAVEL. However, since I have Interim Custody, there is a limit in distance. But I don’t know how he got it in his head that I would move to Thunder Bay, ON. Especially since I busted my ass off in school to leave the north. It’s nice to visit, but it’s not my home. Yes, I have family up north and I would like to see them again someday. But I cannot financially afford that kind of trip on welfare.

The judge also made him aware that if he travels with my daughter, and does not return, RCMP will be called and he could be charged for kidnapping. Glad that that has been made clear.

Anyways, things remain as are, and we return for a Settlement Conference in July.

It’s funny that now he’ll take my word for it (in court) that my youngest child is his. But then again, he doesn’t want to pay $600 for a paternity test. Wow. What a freakin ass-hat! Moving on…

March 6th, my baby had his 2 month shots. The doctors were impressed with his weight. He hasn’t gotten much taller, but he got chubbier. The nurse said;” Thats okay, he’s just working on his pudge. ”

Anyways, he weighs 12lbs 12ozs, and he’s 60 cm long. Yaaay! Proud of my baby and I. That’s team work right there!

What else? I finally got my baby in to his appointment at the hospital. However, I left my backpack at home which had diapers, bottles of formula, my planner that had directions, and I.D. Thankfully I was able to access the WiFi downtown, and I just screencapped an email of my son’s health card that I had sent to OW. So at least I had his health card number on me, and the childrens hospital was fine with that.

Strange thing is when I got there, the receptionist said I already checked in 10 minutes prior. Very strange considering I had just gotten there. A mystery that will go unanswered.

Anyways, my baby is fine. The doctor said that no surgery is required. Thank goodness. It’s terrifying thinking of a doctor taking a knife to your baby’s genitals. Yeah, circumcision. Even though it’s a common practice, there’s still horror stories about babies losing thier lives because of that surgery.

Today I had a long 2 hour meeting with CAS, and my band Rep. So rather than having 2 CAS workers, the files were being transfered to one. And this meeting was pretty much bringing the new worker and the band rep up to speed.

My son was brought up. His mental health is no longer a concern. But they are focusing on getting him caught up with his education. That means he CAN come home. If his mental heath isn’t a concern, why isn’t he returned home?


They say he’s doing well. He’s opening up, and jokes around. That is awesome to hear.

The worker told me that he is staying with an East Indian family in Cambridge.

The workers told me that my son has taken an interest in thier culture. That’s cool and all, but why the resistance against his own culture?

That’s when my band Rep spoke up and gave me hope. She knows how important it is to pass on our culture. She said she doesn’t want to see another First Nation child grow up without knowing thier background, and then experience the culture shock when thier older. I am so grateful to have my band Rep involved. She said she would visit my son, and teach him gradually herself. That’s awesome!

A lot was discussed within those 2 hours. CAS will visit every week now because my baby is under 2 years of age.

Yeah…how do I get them to go away? They say it has nothing to do with my parenting…then close my baby’s file, and my eldest daughters file. Rrright, my eldest daughters file is open under her father, not me. But clearly she’s doing well. She recently received a certificate for Academic Excellence from her school for crying out loud! Why keep adding 7 more months to visit my home?

I trust my band rep, it sounds like she’s been doing this sort of thing for a long time. During the meeting she mentioned some resources that N’Amerind offers. If that’s what I need to do…get more involved within the community, then that’s what I’ll do. It kinda forces this hermit of her comfort zone, but I know my children are worth all the efforts.

Anyways, it’s March Break. So I gotta start doing some research, and find things to do within the community so that my kids don’t get bored. A weekend at home is one thing, but a week? Yeah, my 9 year old is gonna need actual activities besides technology for stimulation. Even though she might be resistant at the idea at first. Man, parents v.s technology can be quite the battle some times.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I’m sure there’s stuff I skipped. But yeah, another time. On with the March Break!

Peace and love! – Pooks

X Marks the Spot

Hi again,

I know it’s been awhile. But yeah, I’ve been busy doing mommy things. My toddler and my baby keep me pretty busy. I often feel like a ping pong ball between the 2 of them. Lol

Anyways, I got an email from my lawyer. Apparently my ex-partner is still being a dick.

Ya know? Even though he has returned some of my belongings through my toddlers duffle bag after his visits with our daughter, and offered a deep freezer. Hey maybe he’s not that bad!… Think again. ๐Ÿ˜ So two faced.

He’s basically being a controlling douche. Trying to powertrip through the court system.

In the document, he states that he doesn’t want me to travel anywhere or leave the country with my toddler. So I’m not allowed to travel out of town, but he can leave London to see his mother with our daughter. Can you say double standard?

He is inquiring about my baby son, even though he accused me of cheating when I was pregnant!! As far as I’m concerned, that’s just like him saying my son isn’t his. So my response was that he can pay for the paternity test. THEN (after being proven just how much of a dumbass that he is) he can have his access with my son.

What else?

“Living issues “, cannot move more than 100km from him. That can be taken two ways… either he’s saying I have to be within those limits, or I can’t be within those limits. It’s unclear. However, there is a peace bond, and I did not know of his where abouts when I moved.

Since I would see his truck drive down Wellington Rd from the south when we were on our way to Merrymount from Zhawanoong, I assumed he moved south. Apparently that is not the case, and he’s was just being a creepy ass stalker.

He basically moved from Medway to Oakridge, while were in White Hills.

If he’s asking me to move…this is the response I had sent to my lawyer…

Asking us to move after spending 6 months in a shelter because I had to pay a $3000 debt to First Nation Housing Co-op because HE refused to do his taxes and pay the rent when he moved in with me (back in 2015) ?? I wasnt eligible for housing until that debt was paid off. No. I’m not moving. We just settled in. My eldest daughter is settled in her new school, and I dont want to be uprooting the kids again. If he has a problem with our location, he can move. It took me a long time to get into this place. I worked hard to get the kids and I out of the shelter. I can’t keep bouncing them around, they’ve been through enough. The world doesn’t evolve around my ex-partner. Maybe he should try to see it for the childrens well being, and not himself.

Its about the kids, not him.”

Other than that, he has the nerve to bring up the father of my eldest children. Wow. He just can’t shut up about him eh? I mean, he talked so much shit about him to my eldest children, it got abusive. And he’s still going on about him still?? Nothing like being jealous and insecure.

But like I told my lawyer, anything regarding my eldest children, and thier father is a separate case. Keep it that way. My ex partner has no control over that.

Plus, he really has to accept the fact that my eldest children’s father IS THIER FATHER. I will have to learn to co-parent with him wither my ex-partner likes it or not.

My ex partner is basically saying that he doesnt want my youngest daughter around him because he’s a “schizophrenic”. Wither he is or isn’t, my ex partner shouldnt be discriminating the father of my two eldest children based on his mental health. And saying he doesn’t want my youngest daughter around him, it puts a boundary between my eldest daughter and her father. Who is he to have that kind of control anyways? When it comes to them, it’s none of my ex-partners business. That’s a completely separate case. And unlike the one I have with my ex partner, there is no peace bond or court order saying I cannot communicate with my eldest children’s father.

But just to bring him up like that?? Heck! Ya know? Leave him alone. He’s suffering enough depression since our children got apprehended from him. The fact we can put our past aside and join forces in court to try to get our son back out of foster care, That speaks volumes. That shows me he has matured and his priorities are his children. The way it should be.

Unlike my ex-partner who is still in this immature, vindictive phase. Been there, done that. That used to be my eldest children’s father back in the day.

Anyways, to be jealous and insecure over him is ridiculous because I am not going back to either of them.

The most I can be is a co-parent. When this need for power and control is dropped, sure, I’ll cooperate. But by the looks of things, that time isn’t yet.

What else? My ex-partner is trying to make it seem like punctuality makes you a good parent. So, since I’ve been late, or have had to cancel visits, he’s claiming that I am unfit. Well…I’m sorry that life happens. If appointments overlap, or my daughter’s visit with her brother lands on the same day ( of course thier visit gets a priority, they only see eachother once every one or two months. He sees his daughter every week). Ya know? There’s more to my life than his visits. Sorry my life just isn’t going to work, then coming home to drink beer every day. There’s more to it than that. Heck! Sometimes shit just happens! Like my stove going kaput, of coarse I am going to make that a priority, I got children to feed and bottles to sterilize!! And do you think its easy getting these 2 little humans ready to head out the door?? Haha! Freakin guy knows shit!

As for the requests regarding more access? Merrymount just made adjustments for crying out loud!! At least they understand me when it comes to a toddler and a baby. Things are crazy! Ya know? They just made changes that HE suggested. What in the bloody hell?? Be grateful!

He wants to play an active role when it comes to the decisions of my toddlers education and medical health. Sure.

He wants a week long visit with his daughter in the summer. Sure, go visit your mom. I’m fine with that. At least I’m not this power tripping douche bag that says “you’re not allowed to travel with our daughter. ” smh. Fuck! Lay off man.

But yeah, the joys of exes. Thank god one has stopped this bullshit.

Thanks for reading! Peace and love! – Pooks

Never Ending

Hi again,

I guess I need to write, because seriously, enough is enough.

People that have followed my blog know that I have had issues and a fallout with a certain individual.

Normally I just ignore shit, but when others are being tormented by this shit, I have to speak up.

I mean, if I can’t interact with people online without them getting harassed by my obsessive stalking online troll. Once, whatever. Twice? Shortly after?? Too coincidental.

I am talking about the woman I referred to as the cock eyed red head in the past. Blonde naturally. Whatever, fuck it. You know, I’m talking about Melishee.

Now, I was minding my own P’s and Q’s until I noticed a pattern in my newsfeed amongst my followers and found it disturbing. She’s harassing people I interact with on Twitter, and not long after I communicated with these people. Of course that’s going to raise some concern.

So I contacted her friend from the Public Health Unit, Chris Mackie, with the hopes that he would actually talk to her. But nope. What does he do?? He screen caps my message and sends it directly to her. Wow, that is so professional. So he basically enables, and encourages her behavior. I am both disgusted and disturbed by this. You’d think when someone reaches out to a professional, they would handle it in a professional manner and keep that discussion confidential. Apparently not. Not to mention he goes along with her like I’m the one that hasn’t grown up. WHAT???

If you followed my blog, my life has been too hectic to be concerned about anything that annoying twat waffle is doing. Nor do I care. So what? She got her face published in local papers. So have many other Londoners!

She claims I’m jealous of her success. More like the other way around if she’s still trolling me after 2 years. I’m not the one craving the spotlight and fame. I just do my own thing. If people like it, cool.

And what success am I supposedly jealous of?? She’s still doing the same shit she has always done. Losing jobs. Picking fights online. Harassing people…

This is supposed to be a person that will be volunteering for those supervised injection sites. Is that really a good idea to have someone that negative around addicts? I don’t think so.

Speaking of harassing people. That video she deleted and tried to cover up with paragraph after paragraph to justify her actions… Ya know? No bueno. Sorry. But I feel belittling someone as if they’re stupid because thier English isn’t as advanced as yours IS racist. So what if that FAMILY are immigrants?? I find that to be quite hypocrital of Melishee especially for someone that attended a rally regarding just that!! You know! About immigrants being welcomed to Canada. And here she is screaming at this guy saying “What?! Do you even speak English??” I’d be pretty offended if I were in his position. It’s called empathy Mel, you should try it sometime.

But yeah, my life has moved on. I am trying to raise a family , and I admit, it’s a little difficult when you have this obsessed psycho that won’t fuck off. I know they say when the past comes knocking, don’t answer. But how do you get the past to fuck off permanently without putting your foot down?

But no no no. Her behavior is acceptable for some fucked up reason. And I’m here to say; NO! It’s not okay!

Ya know? She tries to cover her ass and play the victim and the saint. But if anyone is the victim here, or the target, I am. I don’t want to be, nor do I enjoy it. But she won’t fuck off. That’s all I want. Fuckin move on. Forget I ever existed, and stay away from my children and I.

Ya know?? It’s not my problem she can’t accept the past. Me kicking her friendship to the curb for over stepping boundaries, and harassment. Once she couldn’t contact me, she harassed my now ex partner. She sent him 20 something messages on social media and text messages!! A behavior that clearly hasn’t changed, a Twitter follower confirmed that. If you disagree with her, brace yourselves… But she’s so different now (supposedly) and “learning”. If you ask me, she hasn’t learned shit. She’s still the same. At least I can see that. But then again , I would know since I used to be bestfriends with this nut bar.

It’s like they say, you become like the 5 people your closest to, and well…I don’t want any of that to have any influence on me. Not only is she a creep. But she’s being fake. Thank god I’m nothing like that.

She’ll likely see this. Being the online stalker that she is…so for the last time… MOVE THE FUCK ON! Get over the fact I don’t want to be your friend. I have more important people to focus on, LIKE MY CHILDREN. Not an overgrown child having a never ending tantrum. Umm..yeah, bye! Peace and love! – Pooks

Pretty Damn Spunky

Hi again.

I finally got my painting for the Twitter Art Exhibit mailed off, so that’s exciting. I hope it makes it to Australia on time! The title I gave it is “Oh “Nature” Elle”. A bit of word play with the saying Au Natural. Which can either mean in the nude or in a natural state. Well, what’s more of a natural state then what we all love and connect with, nature? And Elle is french for She. And the painting is of a woman reaching out to nature. She nature…She’s nature. Mother Earth. Pretty clever eh? Haha! It’s just the poet in me having fun with words really. Too bad I can’t come up with titles like that all the time, a lot of my work goes untitled. Lol

Anyways, since I’m on the topic of art and painting. I finished an abstract piece…yesterday? The day before? Point is, I recently painted. Finding time to paint has been a challenge, but believe me, mentally I needed to.

The doctors at the Victoria Family Medical Centre have called CAS on me once again. Last time it was, OMIGOD SHE’S HOMELESS! Red Flag! Red Flag! This time, it’s OMIGOD HER BABY IS UNDERWEIGHT!! Red Flag! Red Flag!

However, its not like I havent been feeding my child. Heck it seems like my son is permanently attached to my chest and lap. Question is, am I producing enough breast milk? I don’t think I am, so Ive been prescibed some medication that should help me lactate. Because honestly, I would rather breastfeed, than formula feed. Even though lately my son has been on both breast milk and formula. I breast feed first, and if my son is still hungry like he usually is, it’s time for the bottle.

Anyways, when my son was born he weighed 8lbs 10ozs. At my last doctor’s appointment, he weighed 8lbs 4ozs. So yeah, the doctors think he’s only lost weight, and not gained weight in a month. Meanwhile, my public health nurse has been by every week. Especially after his weight went down to 8lbs. But week after week, he has been gaining. First an ounce per day, to a pound per week. He is now 9lbs 10ozs. Still a bit lighter than where he supposedly should be, which is 11lbs.

But yeah, I did get pretty upset when the CAS said they’d be by every week. That means I have 2 CAS workers now. I was hoping to shake this other one off, but nope.

He was asking me questions about my mental health, Do I suffer from anxiety and depression? I said that I have in the past, but went to numerous counsellors, a psychologist at UWO, an an anxiety group that taught coping strategies at UWO, etc, etc.

However, what I did not say was that thier very involvement makes me depressed. Because it doesn’t matter how many of their hoops I jump, nothing is good enough for them. They’re like a bad case of bed bugs or cockroaches. Once thier involved, good luck getting rid of them. And it’s all thanks to my doctors at the Victoria Family Medical Centre whom feel the need to call CAS on me for every stickin little reason. Even my Public Health Nurse was puzzled. She didn’t understand why they didn’t just call her first, before calling CAS. But she doesn’t see it, does she? Let me put it this way, western societies racist health care system would rather call the baby snatcher business, then let me be a mother to my children. A skwa like me doesn’t deserve beautiful babies. Matter of fact, beautiful babies should be placed in white conformed homes so they become sheep that don’t think for themselves. Because passing on the ability to think and ask questions is voodoo. That creates change. We dont want that. Right?! Breathe….

But yeah, you can see why CAS’ involvement depresses me. They’ve been in my life for way too long. I am sick and tired of CAS. When does it all end?

Thus, I needed to paint. I noticed I was feeling blue, and painting is therapeutic and mends my sadness. It takes it away and transforms itself into colours, images, and light. Matter of fact, I felt better after painting. Even my thoughts changed. I went from my previous rant to…if anyone can handle CAS, it’s me. Just the fact they have been in my life for so long, I have a lot of experience. I even took the advice from staff members at Zhaawanoong, and called a Legal Laison from Namerind to be my Band Rep. This Band Rep will now be attending CAS meetings and court dates that involve me and my family. It’s comforting because she has a lot of experience with CAS as well, and is very familiar with the legal side of things. So, it’s just good to have her there in case CAS decide to go all Jeckyl and Hyde on me.

Anyways… the painting…

I called it; “Battling the Blues”. It’s a small 8 inch by 8 inch acrylic painting on a canvas. But yeah, I like it. It’s colourful, but it also looks like a battle.

Anyways, I am relieved that my son is gaining weight. Hopefully that means that this other CAS worker won’t be involved that much longer. And that just leaves the one regarding my eldest children. A case that has been ongoing for awhile now.

As much as I hope my eldest son would come home, the Band Rep confirmed that it is his decision. And if he chooses foster care, CAS can’t do anything about that. It’s not like they can force him to come home…even though that’s exactly what they did to get him out of his home. So a 12 year old child gets the right to choose after being taken. They have no rights before then. Interesting to say the least.

Anyways…I’m thinking too much. It’s getting scary!! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Instead of letting the child choose at the time of apprehension to stay with family that arent in the home where the apprehension took place, let’s just pass him off to complete strangers!

Suddenly a quote from Labyrinth comes to mind…

“Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child you have stolen.”

Onto other things…I have been struggling to get my youngest two children out the door to appointments and visits. Admittedly, I am very hard on myself when I miss or am late for things that have been planned or scheduled. But after seeing a video on Instagram that was posted by a father struggling with the similar issue, I dont feel as bad. Theres other parents out there that get it. Its these businesses and organizations that are being unrealistic when it comes to time and punctuality. Like seriously, getting these little humans dressed up, strapped in thier strollers or car seats can be harder than it sounds. For instance, my baby boy feeds so much that it seems like hes permanently attached to my chest. And my toddler, I’ll get her ready, move onto packing the bag or getting her brother ready, and what does she do?? She undresses herself, diaper included. Then I’m starting over from scratch. ๐Ÿ˜ So it’s a miracle if we actually get out the door.

Another struggle is getting my toddler to her visits with her father. Sometimes I wish the father could just pick her up from home. Especially on Wednesdays. I even asked my lawyers receptionist about that. She said it wouldn’t be a good idea, because without a third party present for the exchanges, my ex-partner could easily take off with my toddler. Sigh… So scratch that idea. Plus my ex-partner would have to drop the peace bond, and I doubt he’d agree to do that. So my lawyer’s receptionist said she’ll talk to my lawyer and see if they can think of something that would make things easier for me. I mean my schedule is swamped with workers, appointments and in home visits. Plus my little humans don’t always cooperate. They have a schedule of thier own.

My eldest daughter started going to an after school program at the Northwest London Resource Centre, and enjoys the art. They come up with pretty creative projects from what I seen so far, and my daughter has only been there twice! However I am happy she is finding other enjoyable activities besides staring at screens all day. Itโ€™s about time she starts finding hobbies.

Besides that…my life is basically juggling between a toddler that is contantly making a mess, and a hungry baby. It’s within the small gaps of time that I can clean or cook. However, I have decided to put my slow cooker to work. That way, dinner is cooking while I am preoccupied with other things in my crazy life. Gotta come up with ways to make things more simple. That’s one. Sometimes I wish my 9 year old would help, but then I think back to that age, and I didn’t want to babysit, or clean either. So yeah, I can’t be too hard on her. However having some responsibilities around the house wouldn’t hurt. My eldest daughter acts like its the end of the freakin world though when trying to get her to do anything that requires effort and work.

Yet, she says she’ll be getting a Responsibility Award from her school. Really??? Where’s that child? I haven’t seen her. Lol

Anyways, my baby boy has a doctors appointment tomorrow. Basically it’s a follow-up. But my Public Health Nurse did say she called them, and CAS, informing them that she’s been watching River’s weight weekly. So it’s not like he only lost weight. He has been gaining.

My toddler has her over night visit with her father this weekend. Thank goodness! Don’t get me wrong, I adore my toddler, but I could use a break. She’s a busy one, and mommy’s exhausted.

Anyways, since nothing is scheduled today, I am going to take advantage of that time to try to clean up after my toddler. Wish me luck! Once I get one area cleaned, another area is trashed. Lol The point is to try, right?

Oh! One more thing. I just found out that one of my blog followers passed away in 2016. I was wondering where she went. Her name is Susan J. Bardin, and I do miss her dearly. Even though I never met her. I guess she died of cancer. She was a fellow artist that rooted me on from a distance. So I will end this blog with a compliment she gave me. Thank you Susan for your friendship, encouragement, and laughter. May you rest in peace. Peace and Love! – Pooks

The thing I like about you most would be that you do not surrender yourself…to anybody, even trying to think for you. You’re bold, brave, sparkle, so nice to look at…your expressions are marvelous…and your Spirit in general in pretty damn spunky!!” – Susan J Bardin


December 17, 2018

Hi again! 

Wow. It has been awhile since I last blogged. Sorry about that. Been a busy mama lately. Sometimes I feel like I’m pinned down by a baby breastfeeding.  Lol . But at least he’s gaining his weight back. 

The public health nurse has visited twice since I last posted. Anyways, my baby had lost 10 ounces, and weighed 8 pounds. I guess its normal for babies to lose weight after birth, but she wanted to keep an eye on it. So the next time she visited and weighed my baby, he has been gaining an ounce per day. So he was back up to 8lbs 6ozs. Not quite his birth weight yet, but getting there.  That was a relief. 

What else? On January 3ird, my eldest daughter had her visit with her brother. It was scheduled the same day my youngest daughter visits her father. So I had to make a choice and chose to make my eldest daughters visit with her brother the priority.  She only gets to see him once a month, as for my youngest daughter sees her father more often than that.  

Anyways it was super cute how excited my eldest daughter was. She scurried up and down the stairs to get ready when the driver came.

She doesn’t tell me much about thier visits. But since she brought her tablet, she recorded a video and showed me afterwards.  Just the fact my son said “Hi mom!” meant so much to me. Perhaps he doesn’t hate me as much as I thought, or as CAS and the other lawyers would have me believe. My first born said hi, and still calls me mom. Hi handsome! I love you. 

I’m going to have to write later. Writing can be tough, and I’m getting all emotional…

December 18, 2018

Clearly some things are just hard for me to even think about, especially when it comes to my eldest son and fostercare. 

My eldest daughter said that during her last visit with her brother, he said he was going to be adopted and is excited about it. ๐Ÿ’” 

I’m sorry if you feel like your dad and I failed you. But I cant help but feel robbed of the chance to prove that I am worthy. CAS hasnt even given me that chance, and yeah. How fair is that? If I can handle a 9 year old, a newborn, and a toddler. I’m pretty sure I can handle a 12 year old with supposed mental problems.  I don’t believe he’d be endangering my youngest children. I don’t believe he’d harm them. If anything, he’d love and protect them. 

Besides that, CAS has been…acting strange? For starters I havent had a visit from a worker since a new worker came in regards of my youngest son. He said he doesnt think hell be involved very long because theres already a worker involved in my family, and a public health nurse that I see regularly…the public health nurse anyways. 

I haven’t seen the CAS worker that is involved regarding my eldest daughter since before Christmas. Since then, I’ve been getting emails from a different worker, whom is either a covering worker, or her replacement. I don’t know yet. However, the original worker should be off holidays by now. I  do know the file does get passed on to another worker after awhile. I’ve been involved with CAS long enough to notice these things. So do we have a new worker on the case? Hmm… makes me wonder… especially since I havent really heard or seen much from either workers. 

Speaking of CAS. I know I said that sometimes I feel like my family is just a big fat juicy pay cheque to them. It feels that way, but how much money has CAS lost by taking my family to court through the years. Maybe my family is actually making them lose more income than actually gaining. If you really think about it, they must be wasting a ton of money over the years taking my children’s father and I to court. So why continue? Add it all up, and it must be a fortune all on my family. Isn’t that bad business? After all CAS is an organization, an organization is a business, and a business is all about money not people. Just something a certain someone made me ponder about. Someone that thinks outside the box. Thank them for that, a perspective that is often overlooked. 

But yeah, onto other things…

I’ve completed a a post card size painting for the Twitter Art Exhibit.  This year the exhibit will be held in Australia fundraising for a Pegasus Riding for the Disabled. A part of me takes pride in being a part of something that makes a contribution that can make a difference. And to be able to do it by donating my art, what I know I am capable of, it gives my art a mission and a purpose.  How can I not be proud of that? 

All I need to do now is just print off a label, a form, and mail it off. So hopefully I can get that done early next week. 

And to my anonymous buyer from Kitchener, On. Don’t worry, I have not forgotten about you. After I send off my Twitter Art Exhibit piece, sending off your painting in the mail is my next mission. You deserve it, especially for helping out my family by buying my painting for more than the selling price. Your generosity has helped my family out a lot. Miigwech.  I will get your painting out to you as soon as I can. 

What else? I need to schedule a follow up appointment for my youngest son and I at the Victoria Family Medical Centre.  

I contacted the local resource centre regarding thier after school programs for youth. The plan is try to pry my 9 year old from too much screen time ( t.v, tablet, or laptop) to making peers within the community doing actual activities that require more movement than just her thumbs. I’m hoping that making friends will motivate her to want to explore other activities, besides playing videogames or watching youtubers play video games.  There’s more to life than just that. Go live it! 

We managed to get her Equine Therapy appointments going again.  Thank goodness. She really enjoys going and seeing the horses there.

And her school is pretty supportive. The school counselor is there too if needed.  After all these significant changes, even though she seems to adjust to change well, I just feel better knowing and making sure after all the changes these past 5 years or so, that she’s okay. Especially since she was saying she has the worst life ever when we were homeless. If anything, from that experience, I hope I gave a positive example to not give up. To not be afraid to ask for help when needed. I hope that I showed her that if she’s good at something, in my case art, that that skill can be used as a creative solution.  You know? We’re all good at something, use it. It’s  not the first time art has saved me. Art and some pretty awesome support out there.  

Anyways, I’m babbling. Moving on… Oh yeah. My stove crapped out on me. At least I thought it did. As a single mom of 3, I kinda need a stove, so yeah, I was panicking. I had to order delivery for 2 days. I tried to call the Co-op but of all days for my stove to go kaput, they were in training.  Guuuh! So I ended buying another stove + delivery of the stove and removal of the other stove. Just to find out a day or 2 later that it wasn’t the stove, it was the breakers. So I lost a pretty good stove that belongs to the Co-op, for an older stove. However, someone from the co-op should have been in the office in office taking calls in case of emergency.  But there wasn’t.  But whatever. I’m just grateful that the maintenance guy checked the breakers, and I have a working stove. Period. Especially since I have children to feed, and bottles to sterilize. I mean, I am breastfeeding, but just so I can cook, and clean, I allow my 9 year old to bottle feed the baby once in a while. Otherwise I would be stuck on my butt all day breastfeeding, and nothing else would get accomplished. I appreciate the help. 

Anyways, it’s 1:30am. I should probably try to get some sleep tonight, even though tomorrow is a P.D day for my eldest daughter. My toddler is an early bird regardless. It’s crazy sometimes. My baby is a night owl, my toddler is an early bird. Mama is sleep deprived. I’m doing pretty good considering. Thank you coffee!! โ˜• 

A staff member from the Merrymount supervised exchange program gave me quite the compliment the other day, and called me a Super Mom. Thanks for that. I try my best. 

I amaze myself sometimes, with my schedule with workers, appointments, visits, etc, its amazing that I don’t just faint from exhaustion. But I just keep pushing myself through it. It won’t be this way forever. One day I will be able to rest, but not yet. My efforts are worth it. My children are worth it. 

But yeah, as I was saying earlier. Good night! Thanks for reading! Peace and love! – Pooks 

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path. – Brene Brown

Very Lucky

Hi again!

If you haven’t heard the news yet, River Jude King Shannon was born on December 27th at 5am. He weighed 8’10”, and the labour/ delivery happened rather quickly.  Once again, I  did it natural.  I did have the gas beside me just in case. It was just more of a comfort having the option there just in case, but I didn’t use it. Between contractions I applied lip balm, and drank water to keep my mouth from feeling dry. 

Thank my doctor that was present, with her help I was able to push my baby out in 2 strong pushes. I just needed the reminder of what muscle to use, and sure enough, my baby boy was out in no time. 

Even though I’m not impressed that she still called CAS despite the fact that I do have a home address now. But yeah, its annoying that Victoria Family Medical Centre, and Victoria Hospital keep trying to get CAS involved. They are already involved and have been involved for far too long if you ask me. If anything, my family deserves some peace from CAS after all these years. But thats just my opinion. And since I already have one worker involved, why get another worker involved with the same family? That doesnt make any sense. 

But whatever. I was only in the hospital for a little over 24 hours. I was discharged the next morning, but since I needed some help from the nurses mastering the infant car seat, River and I didnt actually leave until 11am. 

Anyways, River looks just like his sister. I think he’s got more hair than she did though. So yeah, regardless, I have another cute addition. I’m proud of all my babies. 

He was originally due on January 1st, but perhaps after the cleaning up after our first Christmas in our new home…that may have done it. On boxing day I noticed that my mucus plug went down the toilet, and it wasnt too long from then that the contractions started. 

Thanks to my friend that wishes to remain anonymous that looked after the girls while I was away. He did a wonderful job. 

I was a bit disappointed in this other friend that didnt pull through though. She was the one that originally said and planned to be there, but when it came down to it, I just got excuses. So thank my anonymous friend, who has to travel even farther than this other person does. In times like these you truly realize whose really there and who isn’t. The answer can come as a surprise but I am grateful. 

I’d also like to thank another friend that drove me to the hospital.  Just the fact that she offered her help in any way came as a surprise as well, and yeah. I feel very lucky to have the group of friends that I do. Many have helped me prepare for my babies arrival in one shape or form or another. Wither it be diapers, clothes, or other items.  I feel extremely blessed. 

I also can’t believe I did it. 9 months pregnant, and I gave birth and am taking full responsibility of my son. Even with some women out there that said I should have aborted him. He’s a decision I don’t regret. He’s just as beautiful and special as the rest of my children. I know in my heart his life is meant to be. 

Anyways, I can’t write too much. This mama will need to get as much rest as possible when possible.  So I shall leave it that. Thanks for reading! Peace and love! – Pooks