Two

I have two fundraisers going on at once which are my attempt to raise money to pay off my arrears. 

Luckily the arrears that I owed London Middlesex Housing Corporation got paid off in full. Apparently I just owed them $285. A loan that I applied for covered that. 

They also said that they will be working on some changes so that if 2 people were common law, both parties will be accountable for arrears. That was good to hear, I’d hate to see another person be pegged unfairly with an entire debt. 

Anyways, that leaves $2,800 and something for my First Nation Housing Co-op arrears. 

One of my fundraisers I have already shared here on WordPress.  It is my Go Fund Me page, called Help a Homeless family get into Housing

https://www.gofundme.com/help-a-homeless-family-get-housing?lang=en
My other fundraiser is called Pooks LDNONT (& SurroundingArea) Art Auction 

I have 2 paintings, that are a set, up for grabs. The money raised will go towards the arrears that I owe. My original idea was to put 50% towards a homeless shelter, and 50% towards my arrears, but my worker at the shelter suggested that I put it all towards my arrears. She really wants to see us get into housing. She’s awesome.

Anyways…

NOTE- The Auction ends tomorrow at 4pm

https://www.facebook.com/events/264011794103957/?ti=cl

Feel free to donate or participate.  Every little bit helps my family get that much closer to getting a home. 

Peace and love- Pooks 

More Noise from the Bitch

​”I am sorry Pauline…but selfish is watching your children be hungry and homeless while spouting rubbish about being to good for a capitalist system and how you are a lofty artist….and then to be so irresponsible as to bring another one into the mess YOU created…not the men in your life who by the way YOU chose….not the system which everyone has to learn to survive in….but YOU…you are accountable to your children for what you are doing…you are making the decisions that impact on them…but you want to blame everyone else and have the Public pay for them…you are using your children to make people feel sorry for you while you do NOTHING to support them….NOTHING…and never have….when Iwent to england I also sent you and ERic hundreds of pounds of money…MONEY I WORKED FOR….who have you ever given money to…..who have you gone to work for….you need to look in the mirror pauline and have an honest discussion with yourself…..you are not worse than me…but you are not better either…all of us just want to survive and get on with it….I have made lots of mistakes and I have had friends and family give me a good kick up the backside whan I needed it…well this is yours now and I hope it shakes you awake.

Someone had to say this to you Pauline…hope it helps

Rose

…only an enemy would be a yes man and always agree with you while you and your family sink under the mud….a true friend takes the risk of telling you what you need to hear…if i didn’t think you were worth it I wouldn’t have tried , risking you doing one of your character assasinations on line. Only a coward bullies a person by slandering them online while refusing an honest dialogue directly with them.

You will never learn if you don’t gain some humility.  Humility is the beginning of wisdom. Start by owning your responsibility in this mess. 

Rose”

So after I blocked this woman on Facebook, she emails me. The above is what she sent. Ya know.  I am getting sick of this shit. 

“Selfish is watching your children be hungry and homeless.” 

Wow. My kids are eating better since we left Derek. Heck, we aren’t scavenging to make a single meal! With Derek it was getting to the point where we were eating chicken hearts for dinner for crying out loud! Because it was cheap, and my ex partner only thought of himself. Buying hunting traps. Buying a water raft for his outdoor adventures, and beer! Ya know?? While his pregnant girlfriend and dependants starve. Now my kids eat 3 times a day plus snacks here at the shelter. So no, they are not starving. My eldest daughter actually gained weight since we left. 

I feel like this bitch is trying to make ME feel ashamed for leaving a toxic relationship. Yeah, we currently live in a shelter, which in fact C.A.S brought us to. If they think that is best for us for the time being, then I will trust thier decision. 

 I never did say that I am “too good” for the Capitalist system. Matter of fact, being an indigenous woman, I’m not really welcome in the system. Just saying. But I don’t expect a white person to understand the amount of prejudice a person of Colour experiences. However I do share my opinion, and how I feel about it. 

Often Indigenous people have to create thier own jobs. Hence my efforts to actually do something I love, rather than do the norm. 

It drove me nuts when my ex partner tried to lecture my eldest daughter with this “be like me” bullshit. Ya know, why? He hates his fuckin job. He’s miserable and drinks his sorrows away. That’s not the life I want my children to live! Sure that shit is expected by society, but I want my children to believe that the norm isn’t the only option. I want them to believe they can create the life they want. And as hard as it is for me as an artist, I  will try my best to be that example.  Wither I succeed or not, I will do what I love. I will do what I know in my heart that I was born to do. 

As for being so “irresponsible ” for bringing another child into this “mess”. Wow. It would have been irresponsible of me to stay in a toxic relationship pretending things are fine when thier not, and having my children be raised by unhappy parents.  Fuck that! 

Irresponsible is dropping all responsibility of my children, leaving them behind with a pedophile like she did. Oh, just because life got too hard. And I’m selfish? Your children have every right to be angry with you! You gave up on them. So don’t even think you can tell me how to parent, especially since you weren’t even there for your own!

I am accountable for my actions. Yeah I fucked up and chose losers to be father’s. One includes her son. Lesson learned. I’ll pick up the fuckin slack as I always do. 

As for being pissed about my Go Fund Me page. That sounds like jealousy. It takes a lot of courage and humility to ask publicly for help. So don’t tell me I don’t know anything about humility. Heck, I get slammed online just asking for items on local FB pages because there’s women, like Rose, that think they have a say wither I am deserving or not. 

I actually get kudos from my workers and other women for thinking of a Go Fund Me page. I’m told that that is brilliant, to be able to come up with that as a solution because it’s not something they would have thought of. 

Sorry you were and are to cowardly to ask people for help yourself when you needed it. That isn’t my problem.  But to shit down my throat for asking for help, wow. Low. 

Or maybe it’s your white privilege (Lil Miss I live in the U.K) that’s got you so arrogant and prideful. 

Fuckin telling me to get a job. Haha! I  talked to other moms in the shelter. They laughed too. A pregnant woman is most not likely to be hired here, nor will they qualify for maternity leave. Hence why most mothers wait until thier child is 2 years old and old enough for daycare. Smh.

“Character assasinations”, haha! That’s hilarious.  This is only my response to your behavior.  As I tell everyone, if you don’t want my “character assassination ” to happen to you, then don’t be a negative in my life. Otherwise it will be fuel for my venting. Simple. Capiche? Some people can’t wrap thier heads around that. I guess she must be one. 

P.S. responding to your bullshit is not cowardly. It is a response to something you started. Deal with it. 

Have a nice day 😊😊😊

Peace and love – Pooks 

Criticism & Judgement

“there is just one thing bothering me in all this Pauline…it was one thing to get pregnant by Derek after only dating him for 3 months…but why a second when by your words he was a shit…you were already in financial trouble when you were with him…so why would you bring another child into the world when you couldn’t support the ones you had….i am struggling to understand you…Did derek agree to having another….I thought he actually had asked you to get a job….sorry Pauline..hard questions and I know i risk making you angry but I am very puzzled”. 

That’s a message I got from my eldest daughters grandmother today on Facebook. 

Like wow. Am I so not in the mood to have my decisions and mistakes be judged and criticized.  I’m trying to focus on getting myself out of this rut.

And to say that I can’t handle the children??? What the fuck do you know??? You’re over seas!! I’m the only parent making a damn effort. I’d say her son couldn’t handle the responsibility considering my two eldest children were apprehended from his care!!

And to bitch at me for deciding to keep the baby I am currently pregnant with.  THAT is my decision.  I don’t give a shit if Derek believes it’s his or not. I am taking responsibility and accountability for my actions. I will raise the child (and other children) on my own!!

So you don’t understand why I do what I do. Maybe it’s not for you to understand. It is my life. Not hers. 

I know I am not capable of terminating a young life. I’ve said it many times, who am I to make that decision wither an unborn child deserves to live or die? Point is, I’m pregnant. There is a living being in my womb, and despite my circumstances, that life deserves to live. Plus, every time I’ve come to the crossroads of that decision of abortion, I can never go through with it. Maybe I’m too nice. I don’t know. 

Anyways, she has the nerve to sit on her fat ass judging my life based on my blogs. How about some support? Your fuckin granddaughter is in my care because your son who claims to know all, knows fuck all about parenting. 

Fuckin men. Both father’s are like that. Say they raised thier younger siblings, and know all about parenting, but when in reality…where the fuck are they? They don’t know shit. And just because you pay rent, and buy food, that doesn’t make you a parent. Children need your time, they will value your time over anything you can buy them. So yeah, don’t fuckin say I can’t handle when I am the only one stepping up for these children. Go fuck your criticism and judgements. I sacrifice a lot for my children, I’m not abandoning them and leaving the country for selfish reasons. Be grateful your grandchildren have me for a mother. 

Peace and Love – Pooks 

Screwed Over

Hi again. 

So the clock is ticking…and I admit that I do get exhausted and overwhelmed with all the things I have to get done. 

Right now, it’s 1:46pm, and I am on my way to a prenatal appointment.  

That’s the thing…there’s prenatal appointment, lawyer appointments, I need to get blood work done, other appointments with the staff at the shelter, court coming up this month…and trying to figure out how I’m going to come up with $3000 to pay off my arrears that I owe in order to be eligible for housing. Seriously, it’s overwhelming, and I find myself taking time outs to just cry. 

Funny how low income housing is suddenly more expensive than the regular rental market. 

But I got screwed over, to put it nicely. Most of the arrears are for First Nation Housing Co-op.  It’s not even them that fucked me over. It’s my ex partner.  When he moved in, and First Nation Housing wouldn’t add him to the lease, I  got cut off OW because he made too much of an income. Well, he refused to pay rent. And since First Nation Housing didn’t add him to the lease, all because he didn’t want to take time off work to do his taxes and hand that in to housing…I’m the one paying the price now. All the rent he didn’t pay, I  get the bill in the end. 

Why didn’t I see this coming? Blind by this bullshit you call love or lust. 

As for the arrears that I owe London Housing…why didn’t my ex ( the father of my 2 eldest children) get pegged with these arrears as well? He’s partly responsible for 2 of those addresses. But he wasn’t given any problems getting into housing, but I get the bill??

Whatever.  I am always picking up the slack after irresponsible, immature men. That’s my life.

So that is why I have a Go Fund Me page up and running. With the hopes people will help me out of this rut. I mean, I am an unemployed, pregnant, single mom of 2 (going on 3). Yeah, I’m an artist, but it would take a shit load of paintings to cover that debt. Not to mention finding the time with a toddler and a 9 year old is difficult as is. 

So if you can help, even just a little, that would mean a lot.  You would be opening a door so that my children and I can get a roof over our heads of our own. And we won’t be homeless, living in a women’s shelter anymore. Speaking of that, our time is almost up before we get the boot. Technically we are given 28 days, but our time there has been extended once already. The clock is ticking before we got to move to another shelter. I really don’t want to bounce my children from shelter to shelter if I can help it. 

My housing application is pending.  I just need to pay off the arrears and then we’ll be on the priority list.  

The link to my Go Fund Me page is at…

Help a Homeless family get housing
Thanks for reading. 

Peace and love- Pooks 

The Path

Hi again,

I caught the cold that has been going around the shelter, a sinus congestion cold. It really hurts. It sucks being sick when your pregnant because you can’t take any medicine for it besides Tylenol.  

It’s been a busy week regardless, and today I don’t have anything scheduled so I actually get a day off. Yaaay!

This week the CAS worker came by and threw quite the curve ball. She said that they will make my son a crown ward, instead of a society ward as planned. They think that it is pointless to have a 6 month trial run with a foster family, and are looking for something more permanent for my son. This news was very upsetting to me, however at that moment in time, I managed to hold it together. I cried afterward as I spoke to a friend about it. 

I think both Vanier and CAS are giving a 12 year old big decisions that he doesn’t really realize the true outcome of it. 

Vanier hasn’t helped me “mend” the bond once so ever with my son. It was all talk, no action.  I feel like they nurture him with the word “yes”, because they want to avoid his reaction or response to the word no. So yeah, I disapproved of his rude behavior and called it out ( March 25th, 2017), and I’m shut out for life. I’m just doing my job as a freakin parent! And it’s like Vanier expects his caregivers to be emotionless. Yeah, there’s things my kids do sometimes that will upset me, that’s life!! But I can’t react. I can’t respond.  Only my son had that option. Do you see what they’re doing?? I find it disturbing. And to take my chances away like that?? Because he “refuses ” to see me. 

Wither that is true or not, I am his mother and I have every right to see my son. He wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for me. I chose to not abort him, I chose not to put him in foster care (as his father wished) when he was a baby. I chose to be his mother because he IS my child!

I’m the one that went to numerous parenting groups, and took him to tyke talk and whatever CAS requested for him. I’d go above and beyond. It’s not my fault his father slacked for the last 5 years. CAS put my son in his care in the first place! And now suddenly, we’re both unqualified parents. Even though I did nothing wrong!!! I just have a son that can’t take no for an answer just like his father. 

Anyways, I saw my lawyer yesterday.  I  told him about the sudden change, and he said that he wasn’t too happy that CAS went ahead with those changes without discussing those changes with him first.  So yeah, he said he would call the worker. 

What else? I got my 2016 taxes done. Apparently I owe arrears to London Middlesex Housing AND First Nations Housing Co-op. I only owed $285 to LMHC. The shelter helped me get a loan to cover that. However, First Nation Housing Co-op say I owe $2087. Which is why I did my taxes. If I can get my Child Benefits off hold, then I might be able to cover the rest of my arrears that I owe with that, and maybe my housing application will finally be processed. It’s been over a month, and we are fortunate that the shelter has extended the days were allowed to stay here. 

I got a prenatal appointment tomorrow.  It was originally booked for Monday, but since I got hit with this cold, I’ve been trying to fight it off all week. 

Anyways, that’s my update. It’s just been road block after road block. It’s getting kind of annoying, but I’m still trying.  And maybe all my efforts will have something to show for it eventually, who knows. You know? I can’t be jumping all these hurdles for nothing. There’s gotta be something at the other end of this shit storm waiting. In the meantime, I  got to remain strong and believe I can get through all this. 

Thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks

I Will

Hi again,

So I tried to get some of my stuff back from 229 Blackacres Blvd with a police escort, and my ex-partner  changed the locks. I believe that’s withholding my property.

 Like, why the hell would he FB message a friend of mine to ask when I am going to pick up my stuff,  then go and change the locks?? 

I’m not even sure if that is legal. First off, my court order gives me permission to go there to pick up my things. Secondly, the new lock looks like it was store bought, so the landlord probably doesn’t even have a spare. 

Speaking of the landlord, she has been a difficult person to get a hold of. My worker here has been trying to get a confirmation from her to see if I’ve been taken off the lease. AND I  emailed her recently regarding my police escort and asking if she has the spare, so I can arrange a time with her another day for my police escort. 

I am trying to get this done without confrontation, but it’s like that’s exactly what my ex wants. So that I have no choice but to contact him to get my belongings back. Hence why I emailed the landlord to see if she has a spare, and she can be the one to open the door. But that’s a long shot, and I doubt she even knows that he changed the locks. 

My eldest daughter wrote me a list of things to gather that are hers, and when I came back to the shelter empty handed, she was pretty disappointed.  She suggested that I take her with me next time, but I would rather keep the children out of that situation. Regardless if police are present or not.  

While I was there, I  noticed the grass in the backyard has overgrown, and I can only imagine the interior of the unit. That’s probably all he does. Goes to work, and comes home and drinks. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit. That’s what he did while we were there. Now he can do so more so. 

But whatever…

I  will probably have to call CRA and see if I can get another copy of the papers I need to get my taxes done mailed here at the shelter. Problem is…getting through over the phone…

And I completed one painting here yesterday that the shelter can keep. 

However, it does bother me that my ex partner has all my other paintings locked in his townhouse. Like I said, they do not belong to him. Those are mine, and for me to decide what to do with them.  It’s like my work is being stolen. That’s how it feels anyways. 
All of this is just another hurtle I need to figure out how to overcome. 

On a positive note, at least I got approved for a loan to pay off the arrears I need to pay to London Housing, and I handed in a letter from the Intercommunity Health Center stating that I applied for I.D for both my daughter and I. My housing application can go ahead and be processed and is no longer pending. It only took a month. But Yay! It’s getting done!

I will get through this. I will get a new home for my family. I will overcome all the obstacles, because I am that determined. 

Thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks