I finally got my painting for the Twitter Art Exhibit mailed off, so that’s exciting. I hope it makes it to Australia on time! The title I gave it is “Oh “Nature” Elle”. A bit of word play with the saying Au Natural. Which can either mean in the nude or in a natural state. Well, what’s more of a natural state then what we all love and connect with, nature? And Elle is french for She. And the painting is of a woman reaching out to nature. She nature…She’s nature. Mother Earth. Pretty clever eh? Haha! It’s just the poet in me having fun with words really. Too bad I can’t come up with titles like that all the time, a lot of my work goes untitled. Lol
Anyways, since I’m on the topic of art and painting. I finished an abstract piece…yesterday? The day before? Point is, I recently painted. Finding time to paint has been a challenge, but believe me, mentally I needed to.
The doctors at the Victoria Family Medical Centre have called CAS on me once again. Last time it was, OMIGOD SHE’S HOMELESS! Red Flag! Red Flag! This time, it’s OMIGOD HER BABY IS UNDERWEIGHT!! Red Flag! Red Flag!
However, its not like I havent been feeding my child. Heck it seems like my son is permanently attached to my chest and lap. Question is, am I producing enough breast milk? I don’t think I am, so Ive been prescibed some medication that should help me lactate. Because honestly, I would rather breastfeed, than formula feed. Even though lately my son has been on both breast milk and formula. I breast feed first, and if my son is still hungry like he usually is, it’s time for the bottle.
Anyways, when my son was born he weighed 8lbs 10ozs. At my last doctor’s appointment, he weighed 8lbs 4ozs. So yeah, the doctors think he’s only lost weight, and not gained weight in a month. Meanwhile, my public health nurse has been by every week. Especially after his weight went down to 8lbs. But week after week, he has been gaining. First an ounce per day, to a pound per week. He is now 9lbs 10ozs. Still a bit lighter than where he supposedly should be, which is 11lbs.
But yeah, I did get pretty upset when the CAS said they’d be by every week. That means I have 2 CAS workers now. I was hoping to shake this other one off, but nope.
He was asking me questions about my mental health, Do I suffer from anxiety and depression? I said that I have in the past, but went to numerous counsellors, a psychologist at UWO, an an anxiety group that taught coping strategies at UWO, etc, etc.
However, what I did not say was that thier very involvement makes me depressed. Because it doesn’t matter how many of their hoops I jump, nothing is good enough for them. They’re like a bad case of bed bugs or cockroaches. Once thier involved, good luck getting rid of them. And it’s all thanks to my doctors at the Victoria Family Medical Centre whom feel the need to call CAS on me for every stickin little reason. Even my Public Health Nurse was puzzled. She didn’t understand why they didn’t just call her first, before calling CAS. But she doesn’t see it, does she? Let me put it this way, western societies racist health care system would rather call the baby snatcher business, then let me be a mother to my children. A skwa like me doesn’t deserve beautiful babies. Matter of fact, beautiful babies should be placed in white conformed homes so they become sheep that don’t think for themselves. Because passing on the ability to think and ask questions is voodoo. That creates change. We dont want that. Right?! Breathe….
But yeah, you can see why CAS’ involvement depresses me. They’ve been in my life for way too long. I am sick and tired of CAS. When does it all end?
Thus, I needed to paint. I noticed I was feeling blue, and painting is therapeutic and mends my sadness. It takes it away and transforms itself into colours, images, and light. Matter of fact, I felt better after painting. Even my thoughts changed. I went from my previous rant to…if anyone can handle CAS, it’s me. Just the fact they have been in my life for so long, I have a lot of experience. I even took the advice from staff members at Zhaawanoong, and called a Legal Laison from Namerind to be my Band Rep. This Band Rep will now be attending CAS meetings and court dates that involve me and my family. It’s comforting because she has a lot of experience with CAS as well, and is very familiar with the legal side of things. So, it’s just good to have her there in case CAS decide to go all Jeckyl and Hyde on me.
Anyways… the painting…
I called it; “Battling the Blues”. It’s a small 8 inch by 8 inch acrylic painting on a canvas. But yeah, I like it. It’s colourful, but it also looks like a battle.
Anyways, I am relieved that my son is gaining weight. Hopefully that means that this other CAS worker won’t be involved that much longer. And that just leaves the one regarding my eldest children. A case that has been ongoing for awhile now.
As much as I hope my eldest son would come home, the Band Rep confirmed that it is his decision. And if he chooses foster care, CAS can’t do anything about that. It’s not like they can force him to come home…even though that’s exactly what they did to get him out of his home. So a 12 year old child gets the right to choose after being taken. They have no rights before then. Interesting to say the least.
Anyways…I’m thinking too much. It’s getting scary!! 😱
Instead of letting the child choose at the time of apprehension to stay with family that arent in the home where the apprehension took place, let’s just pass him off to complete strangers!
Suddenly a quote from Labyrinth comes to mind…
“Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child you have stolen.”
Onto other things…I have been struggling to get my youngest two children out the door to appointments and visits. Admittedly, I am very hard on myself when I miss or am late for things that have been planned or scheduled. But after seeing a video on Instagram that was posted by a father struggling with the similar issue, I dont feel as bad. Theres other parents out there that get it. Its these businesses and organizations that are being unrealistic when it comes to time and punctuality. Like seriously, getting these little humans dressed up, strapped in thier strollers or car seats can be harder than it sounds. For instance, my baby boy feeds so much that it seems like hes permanently attached to my chest. And my toddler, I’ll get her ready, move onto packing the bag or getting her brother ready, and what does she do?? She undresses herself, diaper included. Then I’m starting over from scratch. 😐 So it’s a miracle if we actually get out the door.
Another struggle is getting my toddler to her visits with her father. Sometimes I wish the father could just pick her up from home. Especially on Wednesdays. I even asked my lawyers receptionist about that. She said it wouldn’t be a good idea, because without a third party present for the exchanges, my ex-partner could easily take off with my toddler. Sigh… So scratch that idea. Plus my ex-partner would have to drop the peace bond, and I doubt he’d agree to do that. So my lawyer’s receptionist said she’ll talk to my lawyer and see if they can think of something that would make things easier for me. I mean my schedule is swamped with workers, appointments and in home visits. Plus my little humans don’t always cooperate. They have a schedule of thier own.
My eldest daughter started going to an after school program at the Northwest London Resource Centre, and enjoys the art. They come up with pretty creative projects from what I seen so far, and my daughter has only been there twice! However I am happy she is finding other enjoyable activities besides staring at screens all day. It’s about time she starts finding hobbies.
Besides that…my life is basically juggling between a toddler that is contantly making a mess, and a hungry baby. It’s within the small gaps of time that I can clean or cook. However, I have decided to put my slow cooker to work. That way, dinner is cooking while I am preoccupied with other things in my crazy life. Gotta come up with ways to make things more simple. That’s one. Sometimes I wish my 9 year old would help, but then I think back to that age, and I didn’t want to babysit, or clean either. So yeah, I can’t be too hard on her. However having some responsibilities around the house wouldn’t hurt. My eldest daughter acts like its the end of the freakin world though when trying to get her to do anything that requires effort and work.
Yet, she says she’ll be getting a Responsibility Award from her school. Really??? Where’s that child? I haven’t seen her. Lol
Anyways, my baby boy has a doctors appointment tomorrow. Basically it’s a follow-up. But my Public Health Nurse did say she called them, and CAS, informing them that she’s been watching River’s weight weekly. So it’s not like he only lost weight. He has been gaining.
My toddler has her over night visit with her father this weekend. Thank goodness! Don’t get me wrong, I adore my toddler, but I could use a break. She’s a busy one, and mommy’s exhausted.
Anyways, since nothing is scheduled today, I am going to take advantage of that time to try to clean up after my toddler. Wish me luck! Once I get one area cleaned, another area is trashed. Lol The point is to try, right?
Oh! One more thing. I just found out that one of my blog followers passed away in 2016. I was wondering where she went. Her name is Susan J. Bardin, and I do miss her dearly. Even though I never met her. I guess she died of cancer. She was a fellow artist that rooted me on from a distance. So I will end this blog with a compliment she gave me. Thank you Susan for your friendship, encouragement, and laughter. May you rest in peace. Peace and Love! – Pooks
“The thing I like about you most would be that you do not surrender yourself…to anybody, even trying to think for you. You’re bold, brave, sparkle, so nice to look at…your expressions are marvelous…and your Spirit in general in pretty damn spunky!!” – Susan J Bardin