Huge Impact

Hi again!

Quite a bit has happened. I think its been a couple of weeks. But yeah, I’ll just write what I remember.

Court was 2 weeks ago, and to put a long story short; The verdict is not guilty.

Basically the accuser, and his witnesses stories or timelines didn’t match. So the judge came to the conclusion that they drunk a hell of a lot more than they claimed, and my ex-partner blacked out. Heck, he can’t even remember threatening my safety over and over! I remember. That’s all I hear every time I so much as look at him. Needless to say, he wasted a bunch of peoples time. Thankfully it’s over. Thank you to my lawyer, Antin Jaremchuk. And thank you to my Family Law Lawyer, Lawrence Blokker, for recommending him.

And like my lawyer at the time said, “Now you can move on with your life.” Thank you.

Moving on…

The poem I submitted into the Temz Review didn’t make the cut, but I got encouraged to try again in the future.

I thought for sure it would have been accepted. But that’s okay. Why? Because now I can share it here with my readers. Please keep in mind that it was written at 4am, while I was half asleep, hence the whole transporting feel to it. Lol

Miraculous View
She awoke
Surrounded by nothing
Until there shone a light
Her skin broke into pieces
And lifted upwards towards the sky
Revealing her new body made of stone
She blinked with her new eyes
A new world began to appear
Trees hovered, hanging onto the ground by their roots
Dancing like jellyfish
Gigantic stingrays flew towards the horizon
The ground moved slightly up and down
Just as if it were breathing
Believing
She walked to a hill of brick and rubble
There was where she perched herself on top
With a miraculous view
Vibrations and hues
Watching 2 suns rise from the East and the West
Neon flowers
And the valley below
A crowd cheered in the distance
This looks like this is the spot for instance
Like a guardian watching over
She froze still
Closed her eyes
As the locals celebrate with a feast
The gargoyle lays down to rest
She awoke
Surrounded by everything
Until there shone no light
Here she goes again
But where?
Her stone body crumbles to the ground revealing her flesh
Starting over and over
Refresh

Hope you enjoyed it!

I also submitted another poem into Synaeresis, but that too didn’t make it in. My writing of poetry seems to be rusty. But it has been years. THAT’S OKAY! Even though my poem didn’t make the cut for that online publishing, my art and photography did. So a photo I took at Medway Heritage Valley Forest, and a painting I did called “Unseen” will be published! Yaaaay!!

I noticed that the art gallery called “Fringe”up in Hyde Park was looking for art submissions. So I started working on small 6×6” peices for that. Also, I am reusing/ recycling cardboard from cereal and cracker boxes for my canvases. For less waste, use what you have!

The pic shown, is just one of the cards I’ve made. So far, I got 4 done. The goal is to get 10 done for this exhibition. They are all various, from surreal, to abstract, to even a collage! I haven’t done a collage in years, and it was fun.

In other news… I’ll be getting a new CAS worker, AGAIN! Yup, they just pass the file around like a hot potato.

Also, sadly I got the news that the Band Rep will be retiring. So N’Amerind will be seeking a replacement for her. Honestly, I think a position like that is alot for one person, a Community Liaison needs a team. Especially with the amount of First Nation families involved with CAS. I appreciate the worker filling me with hope, but yeah, she should have seen the CAS workers face light up when I said the Band Rep was retiring. It was creepy.

Speaking of CAS….

While trying to find out how my foster sister is doing, yes I do care and get curious. Even though she has treated me like shit and vice versa. In the end, she was my first friend EVER. So I try to check up on her, especially when she disappears with no form of contact.

So I searched her ex-boyfriend, who is the father of my nephew…and I find out he had died. He commited suicide. According to his father, his son was in a lot of pain because child services would not allow him to see his son, not even on his birthday. His father said an organization should not have power like that. His son jumped from a tall tower.

I read an article about this not that long ago. About CAS, First Nations and mental health issues. In the article it said the mothers commit suicide. But here it is, in my family, it’s the father. CAS killed my nephews father!! And the only person that can relate to him and that pain, is his mother. But of course CAS won’t take any accountability for that. They’ll just say he’s mentally ill when they were the reason behind his sadness. What a sick twisted organization.

Immediately I began to worry for my foster sister, because that was how her biological parents died. Psychologically, that will be a huge impact on my foster sister.

Thankfully, my aunt got a hold of a friend of hers and she said my foster sister is fine. But she is taking the death of her ex pretty hard. I’m glad she’s okay. And I wish I could hug her.

It just makes me appreciate what I have even more. At least 3 of my children are home. My eldest has been institutionalized, and has been rejecting his parents since. One day he’ll see the bigger picture. One day he’ll appologize, and I will forgive him for rejecting his own culture. There’s more going on than he realizes. Colonization, Cultural genocide…give him time. He too will see it. He’s not dumb.

Which reminds me, you know you must be pressing buttons when a CAS worker advises you to talk to your lawyer regarding custody of your daughter, says their fine with that…and asks “will that make you happy?”…will that make you happy?🤔

Yes, but what about my son that you are kidnapping from me? Normally when a child is apprehended from one parent, they go to the other parent. Not in my case. They were placed in foster care, I wasn’t even a consideration. Nothing like completely disregarding my rights as a parent. But there’s “nothing wrong with the way you parent”, “you did nothing wrong.”

Yes I got my daughter back. Well…why just one child? And why not the other as well? That doesn’t make any freakin sense!

If you look up the laws and regulations regarding child services, they are supposed to be busting thier asses to get thier kids back home to thier parents, or parent. They sure as hell aren’t trying very hard. More like the opposite. Doing what they can to take him away, even though there is no risks or concerns. Just a stubborn little boy given the power to make adult decisions. He doesn’t realize the consequences to his actions!! He’s 12, hormonal, and going through puberty!! Yes, lets allow a child to make these huge life decisions! Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?? Pick his outfit, pick leisure activities, but to pressure a child to think about if they want to be a crown ward??? To live in foster care permanently. To possibly never see his family again?? What is wrong with you people?

Sorry, that tends to get me ranting quite a bit. Breathe….

My youngest daughter did have a yeast infection. I tried for a week to get rid of it myself. Fresh air, sun light, numerous diaper rash creams, baby powder, vaseline, coconut oil, the list goes on…until the weekend came again, and it was an overnight visit at her fathers. I wasn’t going to let her go without the proper medication, so I finally took her to the doctor. And OMG guess what?? They didn’t call CAS on me like they seemed to have been doing alot lately. 😲 Geez. Thank you.

Lately, I think CAS does more damage to a family than they do helping. I mean, when I think of my foster sisters Inuit ex boyfriend, the father of her child, HE’S DEAD!!

Fuck Colonization! Fuck Genocide! I am First Nations! I am Ojibwe! I am the daughter of Elizabeth King. I am proud! You cannot erase us. You will NOT erase me or my family.

Just imagine there was a First Nations individual , that became larger than that organization… No,even better, imagine the First Nations, as a whole, become LARGER and more POWERFUL than that organization, and ended the terror. Because lets face it…

Then…

First Nations –> Residential Schools—> Organized Religion—> Conformity—> Cultural Genocide

Now…

First Nations —> Children’s Aid Society—> Organized Religion —> Foster Homes —> Conformity —> Cultural Genocide

I am angry 😠….

…Moving on….

I hope it gets warmer out this weekend, because I would like to take my kids to the 25th Annual Earth Day at St. Julien Park. It sounds like there will be a lot of fun activities for families there. Nature shtuff. I like that.

My baby boy is 16 lbs and 1oz. I am so proud of my chunky lil man. Lol He’s doing so well.

What else? I registered my eldest daughter into a drama class and of all days to begin, it starts on her birthday! Lol Happy birthday sweety, Mommy’s sending you to drama class! 😅 Just a funny coincidence. But she is looking forward to it because she’s been wanting to try out acting for awhile now. She really enjoys participating in the skits and plays at her school.

I have to head to the library at some point and print out an application, so that I can get my youngest daughter into daycare. I think some socialization with other toddlers would be beneficial for her, having other toddlers to play with.

Who knows…maybe that will make my days a little easier when it’ll just be baby and I at home. He gets his one on one time with mommy while his sisters are at daycare and school.

Busy busy.

Anyways…thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks

The Bible is probably the most genocidal book in the literary canon. – Naom Chomsky

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Smash the Laptop Part 2

Hi again,

I feel there needs to be a part two to my previous blog because…

My eldest daughters father came by lastnight unexpectedly, just showed up at my door…

Anyways, he came to salvage what was left of the laptop. And to pick up the extra monitor he had brought over. He’s more concerned about the laptop than his daughter…how sad.

Anyways…

Before he left, I asked if he could run to the store to pick up smokes and margarine. Even though I have been having trouble trusting him lately. Ya know? Money and food go missing, or he breaks things in my home… I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Trust has been getting more and more questionable…

But after checking my bank account today…you can’t tell me that margarine costs $26.50!! So where did the rest of the money go? He’s stealing from me. That just confirms it! And to steal from your baby mama, is like stealing from your own child. GOOF!!

When I get the chance, I’m changing the pin number to my bank card.

I did ask him to be here for Monday when I have to go to trial, but yeah. Scratch that! So today I asked some female friends to see if they can watch my children instead, and luckily I found someone. Thank you so so much! Since my eldest daughters father just proven to me that he cannot be trusted in my home.

Heck, as I was saying. He probably would spend more time with his daughter during a supervised access visit, then he does here all weekend. He just sleeps all day, and watches Alex Jones in the basement. He’d eat our food, especially snacks I got specifically for his daughter. Just because she’s his daughter, doesn’t mean he can help himself to her stuff. Absolutely no respect for her, let alone me. But what else can you expect from a narcissist?! He only cares about himself, hence why he hasn’t made the effort to improve his life to get our son back.

It’s all so clear. He hasn’t changed. He’s not going to. Stealing from me just as he did back in the day. And the fact I sympathized and felt empathy for that selfish prick. Hell no! Go fuck yourself! Stay the fuck away from my home!

My eldest daughter is like, I told you so… She’s right. She’s always right. Both father’s of my children are alike. It’s no wonder she’s always hiding in her room when he’s here!!

The whole point of leaving these horrible relationships was to start over. Not leave my ex partner, so that my eldest daughters father thinks he can move in and take advantage of me. Ugh! Break the pattern already! Seriously, he’s been coming by every weekend, and has even been starting to call our place “home”. It’s my home, and the childrens home. Not yours.

So a boundary needs to be set, and he won’t be allowed to visit here anymore. He can go through CAS to see his daughter.

I know, I’m an idiot. I’m stupid. And whatever negative slander you haters want to throw at me. But my problem is…I’M TOO NICE!! Or passive. Enough is enough.

It’s disappointing, ya know? I was really hoping he’d get his shit together. For our kids sake. But he just doesn’t care. And I’m not going to cater or enable this bullshit anymore.

I thought he was at least a friend. But friends don’t steal from friends.

Yes, he was here when I gave birth to my youngest son when noone else was. And I appreciated that. But things have been going downhill when it comes to trust.

I can’t let a person in my home that I don’t trust, and he broke it.

Not to mention, it’s probably best for my children’s and I’s mental health. He’s so negative. But I guess you would be if all you listen to is bad news. It’s like poisoning yourself with negativity and fear.

We don’t need that.

I didn’t want to believe the following image was true…

But I guess it is, and I was wrong…again.

Hence why I think the love that is meant for me does not come in the form of a man, but in the souls of 4 children. I have a lot of love to give, so I’ve been blessed with 4 children, and 3 out of 4 are with me. That is pretty amazing.

Just the fact that my eldest children’s father isn’t even trying to get our eldest son back just betters my chances. And my eldest daughter said my son has actually been asking about his parents. So, he’s thinking of me. As least I’m in his thoughts. He’s always in mine.

Nothing can change the fact that I am his mother. Not even foster care.

Sorry things went downhill between his father and I. I tried to be a friend. But what’s best for me, my eldest daughter, and younger children, is space away from men like that.

Thanks for reading.

Peace and love – Pooks

Smash the Laptop

Hi again.

I guess I need to write…it’s all building up…and yeah. Time to take out the trash that’s in my mind.

Where to begin?

Easter just past, and my youngest daughter spent Friday to Sunday at her father’s. When she left she had a diaper rash that was starting to go away. I was hoping and expecting the rash to be gone when she returned. But it hasn’t. It had gotten much worse. In fact, it had become a yeast infection.

So…I locked my house down. No meetings or visitors, I am focusing on taking care of this rash.

My fear is that my ex-partner will pin this on me. Hence why I won’t go to my doctor. I can’t trust them. They keep calling CAS on me for crying out loud!!My goal is to be CAS free one day if that is even possible!

So my only option is to research home remedies and pray to god that works.

I’ve cancelled a CAS meeting. My Band Rep told them it was because my son is sick. I am thankful they are trying to protect my family by saying my baby is sick, but with all truth, it’s because my toddler has a yeast infection.

Diaper changes with my toddler have become a nightmare. She would struggle and fight me off, so now I just clean her off in the tub.

I’ve gotten some advice from family and friends whom suggested some prescription drugs, or coconut oil. I have coconut oil. In order to get anything prescribed, I’d have to go to my doctor and I already mentioned why I don’t want to go there.

My research suggests 2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar diluted with water. My daughter won’t drink it. Not even with cranberry juice. However, I did manage to get her to eat plain yogurt.

It’s been hard, and I doubt my ex-partner made as much of an effort. God, I’m so tired my eyes burn. But I’m trying my best. If all else fails in 3 days…off to the ER and yeah. That nonsense.

It was the Easter weekend, meaning my ex-partner probably took her to visit family. Meaning he probably paraded her around in a dirty diaper for long periods of time.

It’s so frustrating. Of course the Mom gets stuck with the traumatic diaper changes. I say traumatic, because my daughter screams, hits, kicks, pushes…and all that commotion even scares my baby son to point he starts screaming and crying. My ex partner has absolutely no idea what it’s like.

In other news… I took a hammer to my laptop.

Last night while trying to get my toddlers diaper on, I must’ve screamed to my eldest daughter for help like 10 times…nothing. I was ignored for this stupid game called Roblox that she plays on my laptop.

I’ve mentioned it before, technology and a 9 year old, has been a problem. She spends most of her time on the laptop or the tablet. She doesn’t do chores or help out in any way. I have to get angry in order for her to put things away, or do a load of dishes. It’s frustrating. And as you can see…Mama snapped. No more laptop.

It’s funny because I got that laptop for myself, for work purposes. At the time, Scentsy. But it was to be used for my art and writing. The thing is…I never get to use it. It was either my eldest daughter gaming, or her father listening or watching his freakin Info Wars!

Yes, I said her father. Whom claims to be coming over on weekends to help and visit with his daughter, but it just seems like he just visits to access the WiFi to catch up on InfoWars. Or sleep all day. Or eat our food. Or smoke my smokes. I have been observing…and you know what?? He says he wants to visit his daughter but she’s usually upstairs on her tablet, while he’s downstairs sleeping or watching InfoWars on the laptop. So why the hell does he visit??

So why is he back in the picture? Well because apparently empathy makes you a stupid fuck apparently. I didn’t think it was fair that his visits with his daughter were put on hold by CAS for being sick. So I let him weasel his way around that like the stupid idiot that I am. Thinking that MAYBE by allowing him to see his daughter, he’ll wake the fuck up and get his act into gear. Nope!

I mean, if my band Rep is right, the courts are waiting to see if he’ll do anything. She says normally if they’re waiting… they want to return the child to the home they were taken from. But he hasn’t done shit! His home is still a pig stye. He surrounds himself with drug dealers, addicts, and criminals. That is no environment for a child. Why cant he wrap his stupid fuckin head around that??? And just the fact that he isn’t even trying says plenty.

Sometimes I just want to slam the door on his face and tell him to talk to CAS about his visits instead. He’ll probably spend more time in that supervised hour or 2 with his daughter than he does a whole weekend here. But no… it sucks being nice sometimes. But in the end, I know my child needs her father. And vise versa. Even if I can’t understand why he chooses to continue to live the way he does. I’ll admit. My eldest daughter does shut him out, but he’s trying. After my ex partner, she has developed this hatred towards men. Hopefully that will improve in time. And if anyone is to show her not all men are assholes, it SHOULD BE HER FATHER.

But I can’t even talk to the guy anyways without him turning everything into a negative. For example, my eldest daughter made a stress ball out of a balloon and orbeeze pellets. She was flinging it around and OF COURSE of all places for it to land, it goes in my coffee. Lol. I try to tell him about this funny coincidence and he turns it into an ordeal regarding death. 😐 It’s hard to remain positive around someone so negative.

He thinks he’s so “awake” , but awake is thinking for yourself. Not letting another fill your head with thier thoughts. And yeah, he’s constantly listening to Alex Jones. You’re Alex Jones’ little fuckin sheep! If you’re mind was free, you wouldn’t only stick to one perspective. You’d seek more, and come to your own questions and conclusions. You don’t even know what awake is, you just claim to be, like it’s some kind of trend.

Am I awake? I don’t know. I just take more time to think things over. If the world does have a lot to do with light and sound frequencies. Then yes, I am afraid to use my voice. My thoughts are powerful as is, can you imagine the impact of the vibrations of my voice with those thoughts. It’s almost like I think the world will crumble if I do…

Back on track…

Fuck the laptop! I can’t believe such a small thing could create so many issues. It’s not even the object, but what the object obtains. The internet. A massive distraction from the world. From the moment, and your surroundings. It felt good to take a hammer to that laptop. It gets tiring as a parent trying to compete with the internet. Not even compete, but pry my daughter, let alone her father, away from screens. There’s more to life than the internet.

Anyways I sure as hell hope my eldest daughters father doesn’t get the wrong idea in his head by misunderstanding my kindness. Because I am sure that I made it clear that neither of my children’s father’s have a chance of a relationship with me. That shit is over. All I want them to do is be the best father’s they can be to thier children. They fucked up thier chance with me.

Not to mention that I gave my word to CAS, my lawyer, the childrens lawyer, housing, etc that there will be no reconciling. That is in the best interest of the children. So wipe any stupid fantasy out right now, because it’s not going to happen. The best I can offer is my friendship, nothing more. If even. For our children’s sake, co-parent. No strings attached. Those strings were burned away long ago.

Love. Perhaps the only love I am meant to have is the love as a mother.

Anyways, my thoughts are all over the place.

My eldest daughter will see her brother this evening.

It annoys me that CAS is still pushing for his status card. Why? He doesnt even want to acknowledge his own culture. So why should his father and I get him his status card?? Don’t you have to be First Nations? Seriously, he wants to deny his culture but reap the benefits. Wow. That disturbs me.

OR Let’s force this Indigenous mother to get her son a status card so that his foster parents can take advantage of a minor First Nations childs status and rights. Tax free gas and other benefits to invest from! Trying to tell me it’s for him. Bullshit. If so, he can wait until he’s 18. They just keep pushing for his status card, and this mama is getting really irritated.

I’ve been reading articles. Just reassures me how much this world wants my people dead. The First Nations dead. Me dead. Many Indigenous mothers whom child (or children) have been placed in foster care die from either suicide, or heart failure. Does that not sound like genocide? Take thier babies, kill the women, conform thier children, kill thier culture.

Another article said that children placed in foster care had negative side effects to thier mental health. Well no shit.

This blog is all over the place. Kind of like my mind lately, but I do feel a little better. This toxicity is getting out of my system.

Trial on Monday for the assault charge. My wonderful ex partner trying to throw his baby mama in jail for a little nick on the face. Goof. Sorry there was in object in my hand when I wanted to slap you for a) blocking the door and b) accusing your PREGNANT girlfriend at the time of cheating. And NOW you’ll take my word for it that my son is yours because you don’t want to pay $600 for a paternity test?!! Goof!

…And I just got my period. Wonderful.

Thanks for reading. On with my day! Peace and love! – Pooks

Motivated & Inspired

Hi again!

Last weekend we went to the Comic book Jam at the Central Library. We probably caught the last half hour, but we made it! And my eldest daughter and I made buttons!

This week has been busy. It started off with a visit from CAS. The new worker came to check in on my baby. It was a short visit. He’s doing awesome, and is getting so chubby. Yup, he plumped right up. I remember when he was born, his legs were thin. Now he’s got chubby thighs like his sister (my toddler), and his shins have gotten so strong. He loves to be held up in a standing position. He smiles and coos. Little guy is in a hurry to stand and walk like everyone else in the house. Lol

I submitted a poem to The Temz Review, since they did a call out for submissions. I figured, why not? I haven’t written a poem in years, so I did. I enjoy creating poetry because you can play with words like a puzzle. The result became this surreal journey. That’s the best way I could describe it. But then again, you’d think it would be, especially since it was created while I was half asleep at 4 am. Lol Anyways, maybe it’ll get published. It fits the theme of fiction.

What else? I submitted 3 photographs into the Go Wild Grow Wild photography contest. I just need to attend thier event on April 7th, take pictures of the event, and post one on thier Facebook page. Then my submission will be complete.

The pictures I submitted are of my eldest children. One of my eldest son at the Medway Heritage Forest peeking into the Thames River when he was younger. Another pic is of my eldest daughter hugging the 250 year old white oak tree, also known as The Meeting Tree at Westminister Ponds. Last but not least I submitted a photo of a shopping cart being taken over by nature at Killaly Meadows.

Speaking of photography, I entered photographs of my youngest children into the Mom & Caregiver Magazine photo contest. The prize is a photo shoot, and your child being on the cover of the next issue. Wish them luck! I know they’re cute! 😊

What else? At some point this week, I pulled out some paint and paint brushes and let my toddler go wild. I tried to give her a blank sheet of paper to paint on, but she insisted on painting on this card insert she got from a magazine. Anyways, her painting turned out awesome. I’m glad I took a picture of it, because she dunked it into a bowl of water and it became a mushy substance. Lol

Anyways, her painting inspired me to paint that night, and I’m glad I did, because suddenly I’m filled with motivation and inspiration. I just want to get my work out there. Create!

I took an old rusty saw the previous renters of my address had left behind, and turned it into a work of art! Now just to find a place to display it!

I was thinking of submitting it, along with other paintings I have, into the London Pride Festival Art Show. I just gotta wait for my cell phone to charge so I can photograph the other possible submissions.

After posting my saw on Instagram, I got a job to do a commission painting. I don’t normally do commissions, because I like to be able to freely do my own thing. But that’s exactly what the customer wants. Just something I create from the heart and have fun making. Awesome! So my art could be going to…Nebraska? I’m not 100% sure, but I’m sure I’ll find out after communicating with my latest customer.

I still have to mail off that other painting to Kitchener, ON. And I will! I have not forgotten my anonymous buyer.

What else? I inquired about Up with Art a bit late. So I will not be partaking in that event. Even though I do fit the qualifications since my daughters and I were homeless for the summer/fall of 2017. They’re doing things differently when it comes to art submissions this year, it’s by invite only.

That’s okay. Other artists can bask in the limelight of thier event. If anything, it’s helped me to not depend on old ways, and to seek out new opportunities . And as you can see, I have. There’s lots of opportunities out there, you just need to find them.

I’m not sure if the Twitter Art Exhibit got my submission yet or not. But I realized a mistake. They cannot scan mine, I glazed it. So if it is there, which I hope it is. Hopefully they will still use it for thier fundraiser.

Anyways, we’ve been preparing for my toddlers 2ond birthday on Sunday.

Thanks to Ryder Hendrick for voluntarily baking my daughter a SpongeBob Square Pants birthday cake, which I will pick up tomorrow. You have no idea how thankful I am for that. My toddler is going to love it so much. She loooooves SpongeBob. Lol

My toddler is going to have a birthday weekend. Tomorrow she will visit her father and they will celebrate her birthday, and she’ll be back in the evening. So we, my eldest daughter, my baby and I will celebrate her birthday on her birthday on Sunday.

I have been so focused on her birthday, I haven’t even gotten anything for Easter yet. Gotta love it when a child’s birthday lands so close to a holiday. I mean look at my baby boy, he’s right in between Christmas and New Years. It will work out. For now, focus on the birthday!

I finally got two dressers, one for each of my daughters. I just need 2 more, which can wait. Build our home slowly and gradually. It’ll come together in time.

I was sick last weekend, but I kicked that cold to the curb pretty quick with ginger, cinnamon, onions, garlic, steam and apple cider vinegar. Within a couple days, it was gone. And it didn’t turn into a nasty chest cold as I had assumed it would be. It didn’t get a chance to really develop that far.

Anyways, I think it’s been an amazing week. I am happy.

Just because I’m a single mom doesn’t mean that all my dreams get put aside. If anything, it just makes me push myself even harder. My children are worth it, and they deserve a happy mommy. I can be a good mom and still do what I love.

Thanks for reading! We got to be up early in the morning. Yup, on a Saturday. Peace and love! – Pooks

Wtf

I’m blogging again…

Because the more I think about that CAS meeting, the more upset I get.

Anyways, I’m not too happy with CAS and thier little games. The CAS worker said that my eldest son’s mental health is no longer a concern, and the focus is getting him caught up with his education. I could do that! Why is he still in foster care if he is no longer considered a risk to my youngest children? Why is he still in foster care when I CAN handle his education? If the foster family can do it, so can I. And I’m sure the school would help me out.
Didn’t CAS say because of his “mental health” they didn’t think I could handle? And now his mental health is not an issue? They just want to give my son away??
Do they really think they can just give my son away like that? Like they expect me to be okay with it??? I was understanding if it was for mental health reasons, but clearly that’s BULLSHIT!
My son spend a year at Vanier, and months in a foster home, why? For no legit reason?? They’ve messed with my son enough. Why put my son through all of this? What was it for??
I’m very upset by this.
The whole reason my eldest son was behind in his education is because CAS put my kids in the care of thier father. He didn’t bother taking our son to school. That’s on CAS!

For putting my children in his freakin care! He can’t even take care of himself!

Don’t get me wrong, thier father and I have a good friendship, and he acknowledges and regrets his mistakes. Hence, why we teamed up. We want our son back!

And now all this wasted time…that too is on CAS!
They’re just playing with my son’s life, and that is not okay

!

It’s like I just saw two years unfold before my eyes, and I’m devastated. 2 years of bullshit. 2 years I can’t get back. CAS is just playing around so they got a job, a pay cheque.

This is a child’s life they’re meddling with, and they don’t even care. They’re just all being nonchalant about it. They want to continue?? Put him in foster care for no reason? A pay cheque? Maybe be rewarded with a tropical vacation because thier business is disgusting like that!!

NO! THIS MOTHER IS NOT OKAY WITH THAT!!

Thanks for reading my venting rant. Holy fuck. Wtf?

Not the most pleasant of blogs. But yeah. Thanks for reading. I’m one pissed off mama.

Peace and love – Pooks

The Meeting

Hi again!

Wow. My last blog post was February 21st, so it has been awhile.

Since my two youngest children are napping, I might as well blog now, since I can.

Anyways…

My Public Health Nurse came by on February 23ird. She weighed my baby, and was happy with the amount of weight my baby has gained. When she weighed him, he was 12lbs and 9ozs.

My eldest daughter got a visit with her brother on March 1st. I gave her some pictures of my eldest daughter and younger children to pass on to him. That way he has pictures of his siblings.

As usual, my eldest daughter doesn’t talk much about the visit, besides that it was a good visit. I hope he’s doing okay. I do miss him. And I worry about him. It’s the whole not knowing. But I have faith he’s okay, and I believe I will see him again.

Prior to the visit, I got a call from the school counselor regarding my eldest daughter. I guess she was getting upset in class thinking about her brother. She worries that if he gets adopted, she’ll never see him again. I try to reassure her to stay positive. That’s all we can do.

As you seen in my last blog I was served with more court papers from my ex-partner. Well, court was on March 5th. Waiting to get into the court room took awhile, but once in there, the proceeding went rather quickly. Basically my ex partner needs to do his taxes for the last 3 years.

The judge said that he can’t go saying to me; YOU CAN’T MOVE OR TRAVEL. However, since I have Interim Custody, there is a limit in distance. But I don’t know how he got it in his head that I would move to Thunder Bay, ON. Especially since I busted my ass off in school to leave the north. It’s nice to visit, but it’s not my home. Yes, I have family up north and I would like to see them again someday. But I cannot financially afford that kind of trip on welfare.

The judge also made him aware that if he travels with my daughter, and does not return, RCMP will be called and he could be charged for kidnapping. Glad that that has been made clear.

Anyways, things remain as are, and we return for a Settlement Conference in July.

It’s funny that now he’ll take my word for it (in court) that my youngest child is his. But then again, he doesn’t want to pay $600 for a paternity test. Wow. What a freakin ass-hat! Moving on…

March 6th, my baby had his 2 month shots. The doctors were impressed with his weight. He hasn’t gotten much taller, but he got chubbier. The nurse said;” Thats okay, he’s just working on his pudge. ”

Anyways, he weighs 12lbs 12ozs, and he’s 60 cm long. Yaaay! Proud of my baby and I. That’s team work right there!

What else? I finally got my baby in to his appointment at the hospital. However, I left my backpack at home which had diapers, bottles of formula, my planner that had directions, and I.D. Thankfully I was able to access the WiFi downtown, and I just screencapped an email of my son’s health card that I had sent to OW. So at least I had his health card number on me, and the childrens hospital was fine with that.

Strange thing is when I got there, the receptionist said I already checked in 10 minutes prior. Very strange considering I had just gotten there. A mystery that will go unanswered.

Anyways, my baby is fine. The doctor said that no surgery is required. Thank goodness. It’s terrifying thinking of a doctor taking a knife to your baby’s genitals. Yeah, circumcision. Even though it’s a common practice, there’s still horror stories about babies losing thier lives because of that surgery.

Today I had a long 2 hour meeting with CAS, and my band Rep. So rather than having 2 CAS workers, the files were being transfered to one. And this meeting was pretty much bringing the new worker and the band rep up to speed.

My son was brought up. His mental health is no longer a concern. But they are focusing on getting him caught up with his education. That means he CAN come home. If his mental heath isn’t a concern, why isn’t he returned home?

Sigh…

They say he’s doing well. He’s opening up, and jokes around. That is awesome to hear.

The worker told me that he is staying with an East Indian family in Cambridge.

The workers told me that my son has taken an interest in thier culture. That’s cool and all, but why the resistance against his own culture?

That’s when my band Rep spoke up and gave me hope. She knows how important it is to pass on our culture. She said she doesn’t want to see another First Nation child grow up without knowing thier background, and then experience the culture shock when thier older. I am so grateful to have my band Rep involved. She said she would visit my son, and teach him gradually herself. That’s awesome!

A lot was discussed within those 2 hours. CAS will visit every week now because my baby is under 2 years of age.

Yeah…how do I get them to go away? They say it has nothing to do with my parenting…then close my baby’s file, and my eldest daughters file. Rrright, my eldest daughters file is open under her father, not me. But clearly she’s doing well. She recently received a certificate for Academic Excellence from her school for crying out loud! Why keep adding 7 more months to visit my home?

I trust my band rep, it sounds like she’s been doing this sort of thing for a long time. During the meeting she mentioned some resources that N’Amerind offers. If that’s what I need to do…get more involved within the community, then that’s what I’ll do. It kinda forces this hermit of her comfort zone, but I know my children are worth all the efforts.

Anyways, it’s March Break. So I gotta start doing some research, and find things to do within the community so that my kids don’t get bored. A weekend at home is one thing, but a week? Yeah, my 9 year old is gonna need actual activities besides technology for stimulation. Even though she might be resistant at the idea at first. Man, parents v.s technology can be quite the battle some times.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I’m sure there’s stuff I skipped. But yeah, another time. On with the March Break!

Peace and love! – Pooks

X Marks the Spot

Hi again,

I know it’s been awhile. But yeah, I’ve been busy doing mommy things. My toddler and my baby keep me pretty busy. I often feel like a ping pong ball between the 2 of them. Lol

Anyways, I got an email from my lawyer. Apparently my ex-partner is still being a dick.

Ya know? Even though he has returned some of my belongings through my toddlers duffle bag after his visits with our daughter, and offered a deep freezer. Hey maybe he’s not that bad!… Think again. 😐 So two faced.

He’s basically being a controlling douche. Trying to powertrip through the court system.

In the document, he states that he doesn’t want me to travel anywhere or leave the country with my toddler. So I’m not allowed to travel out of town, but he can leave London to see his mother with our daughter. Can you say double standard?

He is inquiring about my baby son, even though he accused me of cheating when I was pregnant!! As far as I’m concerned, that’s just like him saying my son isn’t his. So my response was that he can pay for the paternity test. THEN (after being proven just how much of a dumbass that he is) he can have his access with my son.

What else?

“Living issues “, cannot move more than 100km from him. That can be taken two ways… either he’s saying I have to be within those limits, or I can’t be within those limits. It’s unclear. However, there is a peace bond, and I did not know of his where abouts when I moved.

Since I would see his truck drive down Wellington Rd from the south when we were on our way to Merrymount from Zhawanoong, I assumed he moved south. Apparently that is not the case, and he’s was just being a creepy ass stalker.

He basically moved from Medway to Oakridge, while were in White Hills.

If he’s asking me to move…this is the response I had sent to my lawyer…

Asking us to move after spending 6 months in a shelter because I had to pay a $3000 debt to First Nation Housing Co-op because HE refused to do his taxes and pay the rent when he moved in with me (back in 2015) ?? I wasnt eligible for housing until that debt was paid off. No. I’m not moving. We just settled in. My eldest daughter is settled in her new school, and I dont want to be uprooting the kids again. If he has a problem with our location, he can move. It took me a long time to get into this place. I worked hard to get the kids and I out of the shelter. I can’t keep bouncing them around, they’ve been through enough. The world doesn’t evolve around my ex-partner. Maybe he should try to see it for the childrens well being, and not himself.

Its about the kids, not him.”

Other than that, he has the nerve to bring up the father of my eldest children. Wow. He just can’t shut up about him eh? I mean, he talked so much shit about him to my eldest children, it got abusive. And he’s still going on about him still?? Nothing like being jealous and insecure.

But like I told my lawyer, anything regarding my eldest children, and thier father is a separate case. Keep it that way. My ex partner has no control over that.

Plus, he really has to accept the fact that my eldest children’s father IS THIER FATHER. I will have to learn to co-parent with him wither my ex-partner likes it or not.

My ex partner is basically saying that he doesnt want my youngest daughter around him because he’s a “schizophrenic”. Wither he is or isn’t, my ex partner shouldnt be discriminating the father of my two eldest children based on his mental health. And saying he doesn’t want my youngest daughter around him, it puts a boundary between my eldest daughter and her father. Who is he to have that kind of control anyways? When it comes to them, it’s none of my ex-partners business. That’s a completely separate case. And unlike the one I have with my ex partner, there is no peace bond or court order saying I cannot communicate with my eldest children’s father.

But just to bring him up like that?? Heck! Ya know? Leave him alone. He’s suffering enough depression since our children got apprehended from him. The fact we can put our past aside and join forces in court to try to get our son back out of foster care, That speaks volumes. That shows me he has matured and his priorities are his children. The way it should be.

Unlike my ex-partner who is still in this immature, vindictive phase. Been there, done that. That used to be my eldest children’s father back in the day.

Anyways, to be jealous and insecure over him is ridiculous because I am not going back to either of them.

The most I can be is a co-parent. When this need for power and control is dropped, sure, I’ll cooperate. But by the looks of things, that time isn’t yet.

What else? My ex-partner is trying to make it seem like punctuality makes you a good parent. So, since I’ve been late, or have had to cancel visits, he’s claiming that I am unfit. Well…I’m sorry that life happens. If appointments overlap, or my daughter’s visit with her brother lands on the same day ( of course thier visit gets a priority, they only see eachother once every one or two months. He sees his daughter every week). Ya know? There’s more to my life than his visits. Sorry my life just isn’t going to work, then coming home to drink beer every day. There’s more to it than that. Heck! Sometimes shit just happens! Like my stove going kaput, of coarse I am going to make that a priority, I got children to feed and bottles to sterilize!! And do you think its easy getting these 2 little humans ready to head out the door?? Haha! Freakin guy knows shit!

As for the requests regarding more access? Merrymount just made adjustments for crying out loud!! At least they understand me when it comes to a toddler and a baby. Things are crazy! Ya know? They just made changes that HE suggested. What in the bloody hell?? Be grateful!

He wants to play an active role when it comes to the decisions of my toddlers education and medical health. Sure.

He wants a week long visit with his daughter in the summer. Sure, go visit your mom. I’m fine with that. At least I’m not this power tripping douche bag that says “you’re not allowed to travel with our daughter. ” smh. Fuck! Lay off man.

But yeah, the joys of exes. Thank god one has stopped this bullshit.

Thanks for reading! Peace and love! – Pooks