Cover Up

Hi again,
It’s been awhile since I blogged. I am currently getting over a nasty chest cold. Thankfully, I am starting to feel better. I did have a prenatal appointment scheduled for last Friday, but cancelled because both my toddler and I were sick. So it has been rescheduled for tomorrow.
Last Monday my CAS worker came by. She toured our home, and seems to be okay with it, despite it was a mess. Boxes everywhere, and what not. But it’s gotten a lot better. It’s starting to feel, and function like an actual home.
Speaking about CAS, when I was at Zhaawanoong, a kinship CAS worker came to visit me asking about family members that may want contact with my son. The thing that struck me as unusual was that the kinship worker said that CAS strives to keep family together. Ideally they would want my son with family. Odd. Then why is my worker and her supervisor trying so hard to make foster care a permanent thing for my son when they say “You didn’t do anything wrong”? If it weren’t for my lawyer, and my eldest childrens father’s lawyer, my son would be a crown ward if CAS had their way.
It’s just mind boggling how one worker says one thing, but another workers actions contradict that supposed ideology.
My Public Health Nurse came by and dropped off a bunch of items for my home. She’s awesome! Same with a friend that dropped off a bunch of baby boy stuff, books, etc. And Birthright, whom gave a baby boy layette. I feel more and more prepared the closer I get to my due date. I even have a bassinet, and a car seat. Fingers crossed that the friend I asked to babysit my daughters when I go into labour pulls through on call. As a back up plan, my CAS worker said she will try to schedule an emergency respite at Merrymount my daughters when that day comes.

Speaking of Merrymount, I missed Wednesday’s visit. However, I  did try to go, but my toddler and I were kicked out of a Uneedacab. The driver didn’t budge out of the parking lot, he just said that he didn’t want my daughter in his cab. Note, she was sick, and just spit up in the back seat. Still, I found cab driver #456 to be very ignorant and rude. What if we were going to the hospital?? No, lets deny transportation to a pregnant mom, and her sick toddler. So yeah, thanks to this damn cab driver I wasn’t able to make it to Merrymount that day. By the time that whole episode ended, it was too late. I  would have been extremely late. So I called and cancelled very disappointed that I did not make it there. I mean the visits are court ordered, so yeah, thank you Uneedacab! I definitely won’t be calling that cab company ever again. 

Merrymount called me later in regards of “make-up visits “. Strange, because when my eldest children’s father and I used the Supervised Access Program years ago, and make -up visits were not an option. So I emailed my lawyer about it. Merrymount, nor my ex-partner have no control over the visits. The court does. So any changes should be brought forth to a lawyer. Anyways, Merrymount called back again, this time in a different sort of tone. They were suddenly saying that they don’t do make up visits, but they’ll keep the one I have already scheduled. Anyways, they also said that my ex-partner was the one suggesting more access because of my due date that is rapidly approaching. He wanted a visit with his daughter (my youngest daughter) from December 23ird to January 3ird. So basically over the holidays. As I told my lawyer, I  was not comfortable with that. One of my ex-partners excuses to drink is on holidays. Well…honestly, he’s got a million excuses. He drinks when he’s stressed, happy, for recreation, to relax, to celebrate, when he’s depressed, etc. Etc. For the 2 years I was with him, I don’t recall him having a sober holiday. But that’s straying from the point. I told Merrymount that I have a friend on call that will look after my daughters when that time comes. And CAS offered to schedule an emergency respite at Merrymount as a back up plan if that falls through. I even have another friend whom was my Doula last year that offered to help anyway she can. She too has had a baby not too long ago. Also, her 4th child. Anyways, I appreciate her friendship. We are both on the same page, our 4th child is our last child. 

December 18th, 2017

What else happened? 

I got a call from my Criminal Law Lawyer regarding the assault charge.  He told me that there is a trial coming up in April, and he asked if I heard anything from my ex-partner.  I told him not since I picked up some of my things from our old address. And that my ex-partner was saying he would drop the peace bond if we could communicate as co-parents. However, I have my doubts he’d do that. My lawyer asked if that is something I’d want, and quite honestly, the answer is no. I feel like my eldest daughter and I need our space from him. I also mentioned how my Family Law Lawyer had to step in as a third party because my ex-partner kept breaking his own peace bond that was set against me. So now if he has anything to say to me, he can go through my family lawyer. 

As for my eldest childrens father, I do have contact with him. There is no court order stating I can’t. Anyways, his access with his daughter have been put on hold by CAS because he missed a visit. Why did he miss the visit? He got sick. Anyways, the worker told me that he needed to contact CAS, and by the sounds of it he has made an effort, but they are avoiding his calls, emails, and will not speak to him when he goes directly to the CAS building. How is that fair? Another interesting fact, CAS told me that we will probably be going to court soon so that they CAN put his visits on hold. So legally, by the sounds of it, they are doing something they aren’t allowed to without the courts approval. So now they want to go to court again and cover up that loose end. 

Yeah, I know they want to make my eldest childrens father out to be the bad guy. The scary schizophrenic. But by doing that, they are no better than my ex-partner talking shit about thier father to them. 

Mental health issues or not, he has rights too. And he shouldn’t be treated like a plague. Just because of his supposed mental health, it gives noone any right to discriminate him. 

No I don’t always agree with him. Or we get into our arguments sometimes, but at least when it comes to the kids, we both love them to death and put our issues aside for the sake of our kids. Such as the last trial. We managed to talk and work together with our lawyers, and we prevented our son from becoming a crown ward for another 7 months. 

But yeah, discrimination.  That’s what I don’t get about these organizations.  You would think these agencies would be offering support and resources to parents with mental health issues, not the opposite.  Instead, lets alienate these individuals to the point it impacts thier mental health even more with depression. 

Not to mention that I believe that my eldest son has experienced the same discrimination with numerous organizations, to the point he’s been isolated from his family. I’m still mind boggled by it. How did he go from being so close with his father, to not wanting anything to do with him? What are these people filling his head with? And is it even true? That bond was tight. So the sudden change is questionable. In the end, my eldest children’s father, will always be thier father. Nothing can change that. Just as I being thier mother. 

I was raised as a foster child, and yeah, you could change my last name, or add a name on. But that didn’t make my biological family disappear. That didn’t change who I was. I am, and will always be a King. The youngest daughter of Elizabeth King and Claude Pharond. 

Anyways, I  just realized Christmas is a week away. And I am not even prepared for it. However, CAS will be dropping off gifts for my daughters. And Zhawanoong signed my family up for Toys for Tots. So at least my children will be getting something. I still need to go Christmas shopping, put up the tree…wow. So not ready. 

Anyways, I  got a prenatal appointment today. Thankfully I’m not as sick as I was last week. I guess it was inevitable. Once my toddler gets sick, I’m bound to get it too. 

Thanks for reading! Peace and Love! – Pooks 

“Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.”
– Bertrand Russell 


Getting There

December 4th, 2017

We’ve officially moved into our new place. At first it was hard to believe. It felt surreal. Especially after being homeless for 5 months. 

I owe Anova women’s shelter and the Zhawanoong shelter a huge thank you.  The staff at both shelters have been amazing. The workers worked real hard, along with my participation, to get my family into housing.  I am so thankful. 

Funny how the experience of homelessness really puts things into perspective.  You become more grateful, appreciating the littlest things. It’s like you get a new set of eyes, and you see what truly matters.  

I remember what someone once said to me. They said my best trait was that I was humble. I guess I lost that in my last relationship trying to live up to someone elses expectations.  Thankfully, from this experience, I  have been reminded. 

Anyways, I’ll write more later. My daughter starts school tomorrow.  So it will be an early morning, and this mama needs to rest. 

December 5th, 2017

On December 2ond, I sold a painting for the most I’ve ever sold a painting. I think I originally priced it for $80. So yeah, thanks to my very generous anonymous buyer from Kitchener for buying it for $1,500. That will help my family out a lot through our current transition, plus the holidays.  Which I haven’t really been focused on too much. It was definitely a huge surprise that practically brought me to tears. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will get that painting out to you as soon as I can. Please be patient because my schedule is hectic with the Children’s visits with thier father’s, doctors appointments, CAS appointments, Public Health appointments, so on and so forth. 

Speaking of that painting that was purchased, I  didn’t think it would sell. My girl in the gas mask usually doesn’t, and she pops up in numerous paintings. Even though those pieces are very personal. As I’ve mentioned before, she usually pops up during trying times. 

The painting is called “No Trust”. It’s basically about how there was no trust between my ex-partner and I. He clearly didn’t trust me, and I should have seen it by the amount of times he came home from work to supposedly spend time, but truthfully, he just did so to check up on me. I couldn’t even go to the library during the day without being questioned. And my trust for him went down the drain after finding a recent nude picture of his ex girlfriend that was sent to him on his cell. So the painting is about that. And how he had the nerve to accuse me of cheating. Perhaps I was releasing some pain into the form of art. I tend to do that sometimes. Art is therapeutic, and it’s saved and healed me numerous times. 

Anyways, onto other things. My eldest daughter seems to be transitioning fine into her new school. I guess it helps that she’s familiar with a student that also used to go to Wilton Grove Public School back when my eldest daughter lived with her father.  So she has a friend off the bat. It’s a small world.  

She says her teacher is really nice.  So that makes me happy. I want her to enjoy school, not dread it. 

I know her teacher from Tecumseh Public School was hoping we’d move into thier district. But there is no low income social housing for families in that area. 

It’s a shame that my eldest daughter missed out on the field trip to the Grand Theatre because we were moving. But I’m sure her new school will offer some cultural experiences as well. 

It’s funny, because my eldest daughter is now going to the school I was registering my son into years ago, before thier father took off with them. I have a good feeling about that school. Just because of how much they were ready to help my son out back in the day. 

December 6th, 2017

My home is starting to look less cluttered. It’s starting to feel more like home. I still need to stock up on some things. But it’s getting there. 

I guess I’ve been busting my ass off around here. I don’t realize how tired I am, until my youngest daughter naps and I’m passing out on the couch. Lol. Not only am I busy, but I’m so focused on getting this place in order it distracts me from other things. Yesterday I missed my prenatal appointment because I fell asleep on the couch. Mama needed to take a break apparently. Like I said, I  don’t realize how tired I am until I’m out like a light…or after the fact and realize I had fallen asleep. 

Anyways, my prenatal appointment has been rescheduled. Thank goodness. I’m pretty sure they said after that appointment, my visits will be weekly. Yup, getting that much closer to River’s arrival. I think my tummy dropped. It’s more noticeable when I stand up. But yeah, soon… Hopefully not too soon. I still need to get the infant car seat, and bassinet.  Other than that…he’s got lots of clothes. Thanks to Anova, Zhawanoong, and people I’ve met at those shelters. I think his wardrobe is larger than all 3 of us ladies (my daughters and I) combined. Lol. 

I’m glad my feet and ankles aren’t as swollen as they had gotten when I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. But I don’t feel as huge as I did with her. But then again, I’ve been a lot more active during this pregnancy, than any of my other pregnancies.  I didn’t have a choice. I try to function as if I weren’t pregnant with all the running around I gotta do. However, if my body signals that I need to slow it down, I slow down. Others can wait. I read in a book somewhere that exercise is good for the babies brain anyways. Hopefully, because I haven’t eaten much fish during this pregnancy.  I ate a lot of pork though. HAHA! So much so, that my eldest daughter hates pork now. 

Other than that, I am thankful to have a friend that has the patience for my random emotional constipation, and has been helping around the house. I managed to get my youngest daughters crib up with the help of my eldest daughter. But we needed help with the curtains and other tasks around the house. Also, thanks to my new neighbor for lending me his tools to do this stuff. This seems like a really nice neighborhood so far. I think the kids and I will be okay here. 

My other neighbor to the other side works in the library at my eldest daughters new school. So that’s cool. 

Anyways, my Internet is getting hooked up today. However, the Bell guy came to the door, and then disappeared. Hopefully he returns before I got to head to Merrymount.  My youngest daughter has her visit with her father. I cancelled last week because she had diarrhea, and after my OW appointment I was sent to 2 banks and back. I wouldn’t have made it to Merrymount on time. But OW was my priority.  The sooner I got that taken care of, the sooner I got into my home. And voila! Here we are! 

My OW appointment was kinda funny with my youngest daughter there. My worker said to let my daughter out of her stroller, she’ll be fine. There’s toys to play with.  Haha! But nope. My youngest daughter is not a “stay put” kind of girl. She’s a little adventurer.  So sure enough, poof! She was off running through the maze of cubicles, and mama had to chase her down, while my OW worker had to rush her work. Lol Sorry about that! 

Anyways, more art news! I will be donating my blue 8×8 inch painting to an upcoming event. The event is called The Inaugural Holiday Hops for Hope. My painting will be a part of the auction. So if you want it… the London Brewing Co-op in the Old East Village is the place to go on December 14th (6-10pm)! Proceeds go to YOU London! 

Anyways, I am writing a novel. Lol That’s enough for now. Busy busy! That’s my life! Thanks for reading! Peace and love – Pooks 

Fill up Pooks Home #ldnont 

Hi again, 

So I am doing another call out to London and Surrounding Area for second hand items, since my family is starting over from scratch. 

I left all my belongings behind leaving an unhealthy relationship. Even though it took some time, I am proud of my accomplishment of obtaining an address for my children and I. I am also extremely thankful to all the people and workers that have helped me along the way. 

I have tried to do a call out for used furniture and items in the past, but that was a fail. Without an address to deliver to, of coarse that idea was a flop. But this time, I am better prepared and have an address to deliver to! Yaaay! 😃

The stuff I need is listed below.  So if your upgrading, de-cluttering, doing a seasonal cleaning, don’t throw it out when you can give your unwanted items to a family in need.  If it’s still in good condition, wouldn’t it be better off in another home then a landfill?

Yeah. I would rather recycle and reuse. 

Below is the list of items our home could use, and they can be delivered after December 1st. Send me an email for the location drop off.

List of things we’ll need

Queen size mattress, box spring, & bed frame ✅

1 single mattress, box spring, & bed frame ✅

Crib and mattress ✅

Toddler bed and mattress 

Bassinet ✅

Kitchen Table and chairs (for a family of 4) ✅


4 dressers 

Microwave ✅

  • Toaster ✅

Coffee table ✅

Curtains, and curtain rods for 4 windows

Shower curtain ✅

Bed sheets & blankets (queen✅, and crib) 

Pots and pans ✅

Plates and bowls ✅

Utensils ✅

Cups, glasses, and mugs ✅

Strainer ✅

Coffee machine ✅

small hand held vacuum  ✅

Broom ✅

Mop and bucket ✅


Push mower

Womens clothes M-L

Girls clothes size 13/14 or Women’s Medium ✅

Girls Toddler 3T clothes 

Baby boy clothes NB- 6 months✅

Excersaucer or baby jumper

Tummy time mat ✅

Change table and change mat

Bouncy chair✅

Baby swing✅

  • Double stroller 

TV Stand (that can fit in a corner for a 39″ TV)

Pillows and pillow cases ✅

Dish cloths and towels ✅

Bath towels ✅


Electric kettle ✅

Baby bottles

Sippy cups ✅

4 laundry baskets 

Washer✅ & Dryer ✅

Book shelf 

3 end tables 

Clothes hangers


Books (children books, sci-fi, sociology, art, crafts, graphic novels for teens, etc)

Toys – for baby boy, female toddler, and a female 9 yrs old

DVD player ✅and DVDs 

  • Home decor
  • Steam cleaner
  • Tools ( I’ll need to assemble a crib, and put up curtains)

Note: Keep an eye on this list for updates, as I will be marking off the items that I receive. 

Peace & Love! – Pooks 

Extremely busy 

Hi again, 

Things have been extremely busy lately. I  am exhausted, but I figured I’d try to blog before I go to bed. 

Last night I was up until 3am. It was crazy. My youngest daughter was constipated and would not sleep. So I was up with her, massaging her tummy, giving her water and an apple, and cuddling on the couch. But that’s not all that kept me busy. My eldest daughter had gotten 2 nose bleeds last night. So I had to tend to her as well. Luckily from experience of having random nose bleeds when I was a child, I know what to do. Ice on the back of the neck usually stops a nose bleeds pretty quick. Anyways, I  also had to throw her clothes and bedding in the wash. It was quite the bloody mess. 

Anyways, Today my youngest daughter has an overnight visit with her father, and that gave me time to take out the trash, pack, and do laundry. 

Before we left to Merrymount for her visit with her father, I swear her little bum exploded. Lol So yeah, I  had some serious cleaning to do when my eldest daughter and I returned. But I am glad my youngest daughter got some relief from her constipation before her visit. I was starting to worry that I would have to cancel and take her to a doctor. But nope, her tummy eventually sorted itself out. 

My eldest daughter was supposed to have a 4 hour unsupervised visit with her father today as well, but CAS cancelled it because her father failed to contact them regarding the location.  However, I can understand that he wanted to see if she liked going to the location first (on Wednesday), then speak to the people who can give access to that location for permission for Saturday. I imagine that would take time to organize. 

Anyways, since we’ve been approved for a unit in a townhouse complex, I’ve had to sign the lease, and pay the unit deposit.  We move in December 1st. 

I’ve also been running around trying to get estimates for discretionary benefits so that we would at least have beds for when we move in. Hopefully that goes through in time. Otherwise…We’ll be sleeping on the floor until we get some beds. 

What else? My prenatal appointments that are every 2 weeks, after my next appointment, it will be every week. 

I also made it to Birthright, and they had a baby boy layette for me that they will deliver after we move into our new place. As well as some things I could use for when I go to the hospital for the birth of my baby. 

Speaking of my baby. He’s a very active little guy. When the doctors were trying to listen to his heart, he kept moving.  Silly guy. 

But yeah, when it comes to my pregnancy, I can feel that the clock is ticking. My body is slowing me down. I feel pressure on my pelvis, and lots of kicks. It’s getting to that point where he’ll be growing a pound per week. 

I have one week to prepare and pack until we move. Such as arrange movers, connect all my utilities, get back on OW, etc. There’s so much on my mind, Christmas is the last thing on my mind. However I am grateful that the staff at the shelter we are currently at have signed us up for Toys for Tots. Even though, I consider out home the greatest gift of all, especially after being homeless for almost half a year. Next step, poverty. 

After having my eldest daughters lawyer visit, and him saying that my son won’t call my eldest daughter because he’s afraid I’ll answer the phone…I told my eldest daughter to not speak of me or her father to her brother. To just enjoy her time with him. That was very hard on me to request, but they should just enjoy each others company without having to think or worry about thier father or myself.  Every time I hear these things from the lawyer, it hurts, and I wonder why I keep trying. If I’m so horrible, why bother? Horrible for being a parent, and saying no. Sorry I was doing my job. Sorry if I don’t approve if my child is being rude. Of coarse I will say something about it. But whatever, there’s nothing I can do about it. If he wants see me, he will. But he doesn’t.  Maybe one day…


 The staff at the shelter said they could connect me to someone in London that could represent my band, since my band is so far up north. They could support me and prevent my son from becoming a crown ward. However, if he’s happy where he is, is that the right thing to do? 

I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but CAS wants to get my eldest son his band card for the foster family. If it’s for his education, he won’t need it until he’s off to College or University.  My only concern is that a Caucasian foster family will abuse his status card. It’s for my son, and my son only. 

My foster family didn’t try to get my status card until I was applying for College. So I didn’t receive mine until I was 18 years old. At least they had the respect for my indigenous rights and didn’t get it before then to benefit themselves.  I can give them credit for that.

As for my sons  father, he is concerned that our sons foster family will use his band card as a passport and flee the country with our son. 

I’m glad the shelter I’m at offers an outreach worker for after we leave the shelter. The more support my family has, the better. 

Anyways, I’m pretty tired. I should probably go to bed. I actually get to sleep in for a change, since my toddler is at her father’s place. Finally this mama can get some much needed rest. 

Peace and love! – Pooks 

Looking Up

November 13, 2017

Hi again, 

So I had my housing meeting this past week, and I think it went well. The interviewers for this Co-op seemed to be impressed with the following; I was on the board of directors at a previous Co-op. I studied sociology and visual arts at Western University.  And the fact that I am seeking a place that feels like a community, and place family oriented where I can interact with other families.  

Anyways, I am to call them back this coming week to follow up and see if they had a meeting regarding my membership.  Fingers crossed that all goes well, and that soon we’ll (my children and I) have a home. 

I had a prenatal appointment last week, and the psychician said that when I’m in the hospital, they will call CAS. Yup. They do this every time. Find some reason to go calling CAS on me. This time, it’s because of my housing situation. I’m homeless. But it’s not like I haven’t been doing anything about it. Besides, CAS is already involved and have been following up with me with no concerns. I told them ( Victoria Family Medical Centre) they can contact my worker, and that she is more that welcome to visit me in the hospital when the time comes. 

It just gets annoying after awhile.  Both Victoria Family Medical Centre, and Victoria Hospital.  Never fails. Ya know? Isn’t that systematic rascim? Would they do this to a Caucasian woman? Doubt it. 

But whatever, no point stressing about it, because like I said…CAS is already involved. It seems like they’ve always been involved and I’m just a juicy fat pay cheque. It feels that way after awhile. Maybe one day I’ll be CAS free. But yeah, not yet. 6 months just turns into another 6 months, which just turns into another 6 months, which then turns into yet another 6 months and so on… to stay involved. 

Whatever, I know I’m doing a good job with my daughters. And I believe, soon we will have a home. One step at a time. The joys of starting over from scratch. 

November 15th, 2017

I’ve been too tired to blog lately. Sorry about the random cut offs. 

Anyways, …again…I’m too tired to blog. All this rushing around from point A to point B is taking its toll. So exhausted. I will try to blog when I can, but as this pregnancy gets further along, I’m seriously slowing down and my body just wants to rest. 

November 16, 2017

Okay. Let’s try this again! 

I think some progress was made during the trial regarding my eldest children. We managed to settle it within a day, rather than 4-6 days. 

The plus side, we managed to stall my eldest son from becoming a crown ward for another 7 months. So that buys me time to get situated in a home, and his father time to fix up his home and do whatever else CAS requires of him to do.

Still, I  think that my eldest children’s father has a better chance at getting our son back, if he can snap out of this depression and get his act into gear, than I do.  They have a closer relationship than my son and I do. Plus, my ex-partner kinda put a damper on my son and I’s relationship. I’m very sorry for that. But I hope things can get better in the future. 

Thankfully, by being given more access to his daughter, my eldest children’s father left the court house feeling more hopeful. 

I am hoping that the additional access will motivate him to want to take care of himself and his home. Especially if his goal is to have overnight access on weekends.  

So I find myself silently rooting him on. Very bizarre considering our past history. But I know that pain. I know that depression.  If I could lift myself out of that rut, and go from practically starving and sleeping my life away, to access with my children and more some.  Then so could he!

November 18, 2017

It’s actually 11:44pm, but I’ll just say it’s the 18th

 I got good news on the 17th. We finally got a home, and can move in December 1st! 

It was a scary leap into homelessness back in June. But the shelters have been extremely supportive and with help from others, and persistence, we finally get a place we can call home. Just before my baby arrives too, what a relief. 

Speaking of my baby. I decided his full name will be River Jude King Shannon. Jude is my foster dad’s middle name. Also the name reminds me of when the New School of Colour broke into song singing “Hey Jude” by The Beatles. 

I spoke to a worker at the shelter regarding the fact that Victoria Family Medical Centre is red flagging me due to my circumstances.  I didn’t even have to say that I thought it was racist, because they even said it was before I could. So I’m not the only one that thinks that.  I’m not being emotional and jumping to conclusions. Sometimes it’s good to talk to someone else and get thier perspective.  If it matches mine, then I can’t be that crazy. Systematic rascim is still a huge issue. It’s like people who work in some organizations were educated to be discriminative towards certain people. Especially the minority.

I even emailed my CAS worker, giving her the heads up of what to expect. So she’s going to put a note in the file for other workers that I am not a concern. She’s been working with my family, but is mainly involved because of my eldest children’s father. However, she plans to visit after my baby is born anyways, which is fine by me. 

It’s hard to mention everything that’s been going on. Needless to say, things are just busy.  Appointments, court, visiting friends, viewing housing offers (which thankfully I don’t have to worry about anymore). Getting my youngest daughter to her visits with her father through Merrymount. And starting next week, my eldest daughter has more visits with her father, but luckily there’s CAS drivers that provide transportation for those. 

I remember talking to my eldest daughters father when it comes to school and a career. His advice is to just be. If I want to be an artist. Be an artist. Ya know? Just go out there and do it. I don’t need a diploma to do that when I can just learn from experience. However, I  told him if I do go back to school, it would be for a job position in a museum or art gallery. I really loved volunteering at The Arts Project back in the day, being surrounded by art and art minded people. I wouldn’t mind a job in that kind of setting. So if I do go back and complete my education, that would be something to aim for. I will still do my own art thing, because that’s just what I love to do. But maybe he’s right when it comes to that. I should just do it and get my art out there. 

On Twitter, a local follower has contacted me asking if I’d be interested in doing a private solo exhibition in thier home. I’ve never had a solo exhibition yet, and quite honestly, I think that would be an awesome way to start. So I am grateful that opportunity has opened up, and we’ve agreed to meet up for coffee sometime to discuss things further. It probably won’t be until the new year, as I need to create more work, AND my baby’s due date is rapidly approaching. 

I seen a call for artists on Twitter from the London Bicycle Cafe. I submitted my work, and yeah. We’ll see. I might have some art pieces hanging up there in the near future if they like what they see. 

My schedule has been so crazy, it’s been difficult to squeeze in time for my eldest daughters Equine Therapy lately.  Hopefully things settle a little soon, and she can return. It seems the closer I get to my due date, the busier I get. Heck, soon we’ll be moving. Which reminds me, I will do another call out for furniture and stuff we need soon, this time with an address to deliver to. Well…you’ll be able to message me and I can give you the location. But yeah, I’ll be better prepared this time. 

Note, that will be after I see what I am eligible for through discretionary benefits.  Which I need to run around and get estimates for. 

Anyways, things are looking up and they will get better. Thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks


The House and The Mind 

Hi again!

So last Friday I got a housing offer. And my eldest daughter and I viewed it Saturday.  

The super intendent said that it would take 2 weeks to fix up before we could move in. So I got the application filled in, and faxed in by Tuesday.  Along with setting up my tenant insurance, and calling to hook up heat and water through London Hydro and Reliance. Everything got done, I  just have to wait to hear back. 

I guess I’m at a point where we’ve been in the shelter for almost half a year, take the first thing you get. 

Well, I got another offer else where, and I  am starting to think that I should go with the second offer. Even though I view it on Friday, many say that the second offer would be better for us. 

I’m pretty sure when I go view it, there won’t be holes in the doors and walls, and the kitchen floor won’t be all torn out. Yes, the first offer is working on the renovations.  But I  got a hunch that the second offer, if there needs work, it won’t be to that extent. 

I am nervous about calling the first offer back and having to tell them to hold off until I view this other offer. Especially since I already fully applied and said I’d take it. But if there’s another offer, of course I want to see both options, compare, then decide. 

What else? 

I survived my first weekend without my youngest daughter. She had a weekend visit with her father. To cope my eldest daughter and I went to go visit a friend that has a toddler close to the same age. My youngest daughters little buddy. 

November 2, 2017

I fell asleep and didn’t finish my blog. Lol. Sorry about that. 

Where was I? Right, as worried as I was about my youngest daughters visits, she comes back happy, and fine. So things are okay and will be okay. 

I went to see my lawyer yesterday regarding the upcoming trial when it comes to my eldest children. I  explained that I don’t want to deny my eldest daughters father access. I want him to get his unsupervised visits, but he’s not making the effort. Which gets disappointing.  He says one thing, but his actions say otherwise. Ya know? If his friends are so great, then they would help him fix his place up to reach his goal of unsupervised access. It is a lot of work for one single person. I mean, my eldest daughter admitted she doesn’t want to go over there because of the mess, and she would rather use a public washroom than the one at her dad’s place. However, she does want unsupervised visits with her father. It’s just that his environment needs improvement.  

I also told my lawyer that I wouldn’t mind if my eldest children’s father had custody of our son as long as he takes responsibility and gets our son to school and other necessary appointments on time. Plus provide a clean home! Obviously. I know my son has a closer relationship with his father than he does with me. And being with his father is what he wanted originally in the first place. As long as I can have some sort of access with him. 

But than again…my eldest daughter says that her older brother is doing much better in foster care. He’s happy. He even realized that he’s acedemicly behind, so he’s working real hard to catch up. Thank you to his foster parents for doing a good job with my boy. It still breaks my heart that that responsibility isn’t mine. 

Anyways, about a messy home..

Ya know? A Family Home Visitor that I had years ago once said that the condition of your home reflects the condition of your mental health.  So if things are cluttered, messy, unorganized…than that reflects the state of your mind. Notice how people with tidier homes tend to be less stressed, anxious, or depressed. Plus they have a sense of accomplishment for maintaining thier home. 

I never forgot that lesson so to speak. Funny how my exes attempt to peg thier uncleaniness on me. Just saying.  

What else? My Family Lawyer asked what is going on with the Criminal court case, and quite honestly, I  don’t know. Last I heard things kept being adjourned. My ex partners story doesn’t match mine, and he keeps bringing things up to court that has nothing to do with the incident.  For example, not being a part of naming my unborn child. Even though he’s accusing me of cheating. This made my family lawyer laugh. Anyways, won’t my ex-partner feel stupid if my baby looks just like him? 

Did I  cheat? No. I  showed him what the used condoms were about. I put condoms on objects to masterbate. I was trying to be more sterile and prevent as many UTI’s that I had in my previous pregnancy. That was very embarrassing to admit to him, but he would rather believe his own false delusions. He has some serious insecurity issues, I guess that explains the mask of arrogance. But yeah, I don’t cheat. Him on the other hand… he had a naked picture of an ex girlfriend on his cellphone for crying out loud!! What the fuck?! But I’m cheating??? Fuck off. 

That’s past tense though.  Being 7/8 months pregnant, I am kind of repulsed by men’s sexual organs, and how many men are fine with making babies, but not taking responsibility for the aftermath. Being in women shelters has only shown me that there are plenty of that type. Shame.  

Yeah, I  feel empathetic for my eldest daughters father, because I know what it’s like to have your children taken away. But I’m not really empathetic towards my ex-partner, and that’s probably because of his immature vindictive behavior.  I’ve had years of experience with that shit, thankfully my eldest daughters father doesn’t do that shit anymore. He’s grown up a bit. He wants to co-parent, and I  am willing to cooperate if he can provide a safe, clean environment. 

Speaking of being in a shelter, as much as it drives me nuts how these older women flock to me for a listening ear. I realize that women’s shelters should really provide programs that help with self-esteem and confidence. I notice phrases being repeated like “I’m so stupid” , or they apologize for every little move they make. I used to be like that, I recall driving a friend nuts with that. Anyways, I also notice how some just keep talking about themselves, and not really letting others speak. So if there’s that much shit they need to get out of thier systems, some kind of psychologist or counselor needs to be there because I certainly am not qualified to take in that much negativity. It gets draining which is not good since my energy is needed for my children.  

Anyways, Today I get to meet the lady that bought my painting from the Museum of Ontario Archaeology.  The plan is to meet at the Fire Roasted coffee place on Talbot and King Street. And from there, we can take my youngest daughter to a park. 

I decided that it may be best to meet someone new while my eldest daughter is in school. She can be a bit rude when meeting new people.  However she is getting better. 

I missed a phone call from the first housing offer yesterday.  I need to call them back. Although, it’s been difficult since my youngest daughter had been screaming all morning. Freakin Halloween candy. 

Omg! Halloween! That evening went well, even though it was kind of chilly out. We decided not to stray too far from the shelter, due to the cold temperature.  But even so, I was surprised how packed my daughter’s Halloween bags filled up. 

My eldest daughters Harley Quinn costume that she picked out didn’t fit, so I had to throw items together that I found at Goodwill at the last minute. I did attempt to paint a sugar skull on her face, but since it didn’t meet her standards she washed it off. Ugggh!! She wastes so much money it’s not even funny. And it erks me right off when she’s being ungrateful.  It almost shocks me actually, because gratitude is something I practice often, why isnt she picking this up? Like, accept what you get. I didn’t have to spend all morning painting her face. But I did. Whatever, her costume got lots of compliments while we were out, even without the face paint. 

Well, since the first housing offer can’t wait until I view this other place, they say I’m not allowed to view another place after I get an offfer…my application is cancelled. Well thanks a lot.  You’d think I’d be able to at least view this other place THEN make a decision.  So it looks like I’ll be applying for the unit I view on Friday. As annoying as that is, maybe it just means we aren’t meant to live where the first housing offer was. Everything happens for a reason. Stay positive.

Anyways, thanks for reading. I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m missing in this post that happened, but on with my day! Peace and Love! – Pooks 



October 26th, 2017

Hi again!

I am currently sitting at a bus stop, after having to drop my youngest daughter off at Merrymount.  Today I get some more blood work done. 

Last week was a busy week, but it didn’t go entirely as planned. For example, since I had to move some things from my ex-partners  place, I was sore the next day and took a day to rest. The day after, I had gotten real sick with some kind of stomach bug that only lasted 24 hours. Still…being sick wasn’t in the plan. It was horrible, but I got through it, amazingly. Single parenting when your sick can be quite the challenge. 

Anyways, what better time to blog than when I got to sit around and wait for an hour at a blood lab? 

Last weekend I tried to arrange a visit for my eldest daughters father to join us at the Children’s Museum.  That didn’t work out. He was diddly daddling until after 5pm, and the Museum closes at 5pm. So we tried to arrange something for Sunday, and once again…his priorities were else where. So yeah, he could see his daughter at the supervised visits for now. Not only does his unreliability annoy me, but it annoys his eldest daughter. No point wasting our time waiting around for him. If he wanted to be there, he’d be there…wherever we agree to meet up. Not leave his daughter hanging.  So yeah, it’s hard to take him seriously that he wants his children in his life, when his actions show very little effort. However, if it were to meet up with a friend of his, he’d be there in an instant. How sad is that?! 

Visits have been scheduled for my ex-partner to see our daughter.  It starts this weekend, for the bi-weekly weekend visits, and each Wednesday starting next Wednesday.  I hope she’ll be okay.  

The exchanges will be at Merrymount, which is good because for the last 3 weeks, my youngest daughter has been attending Merrymount daycare, and she’s getting familiar with it. 

What else? This morning I got a call from the Housing Access Centre, turns out there is some confusion that I lived at 580 Dundas Street again.  Turns out one of the workers there tagged my name to that address since First Nations Housing Co-op listings aren’t in thier system. So they had to put that I owed arrears somewhere. 

As frustrating as that sounds. On the plus side…at least there are 3 workers working on my application. For some reason they cannot update the information on it, and I am to expect a call back once that is fixed. So far…no phone call.

What else? I had a prenatal appointment yesterday, baby River is extremely active. I wonder if he’ll be more active than my youngest daughter.  She’s pretty energetic as is. 

Everyone keeps reminding me that my due date is coming. I  KNOW THAT!! And they ask if I’m excited.  Maybe I would be if I had a home, but without a home, being constantly reminded of my due date is actually quite stressful. Then people throw in; “let’s hope your baby doesn’t come early.” I hope not!! Geez. Stay put and incubate. I am not ready yet. I want to nest, but I can’t.  I’m pretty much stuck waiting for the Housing Access Centre. 

My youngest daughter gets her 18 month immunization shots on Friday. I get so caught up in everything else, that I actually had to call in and make sure she was all up to date. It’s a good thing I did. 

I had court last week, and my lawyer believes we still have a shot at getting my eldest son back. If so, that would be awesome. Of course I want to try!

So yeah, there will be a 6-8 day trial next month. Hope for the best!  

October 27, 2017

I called the Housing Access Centre, and everything is all good with my application. A letter has been mailed off to me yesterday, and they told me that I was listed as Special Priority.  So hopefully not too much longer until we get a home. 

After calling some housing co-ops last week, I know they have some units available for subsidized housing, but not for market rent.

I apologize to all the people holding my belongings for so long, but it is appreciated. Hopefully soon all those people will hear from me soon with an address to drop it all off to. Including the people that have been collecting things for our (my children and I’s) new home. 

2 stories I want to share that involve artists that I used to go to the New School of Colour with…

Awhile back I asked one artist via. Facebook messenger, if he’d donate his work to my Art Auction.  He said he quit art due to negative critics. So I told him to not listen to the nay sayers. Heck! I had someone publicly belittle my art online saying it’s a disgrace to the art world. But you know what? Shortly after, a painting of mine sold for $300. 

I didn’t hear from him for a bit after that, then I saw through Twitter that he had a private art exhibition and was being quite successful.  That made me so happy to see that he picked up art again. Maybe my words of encouragement had a part to do with it. Maybe not. But I’m just happy to see that he didn’t let his art go. He picked it back up, and is again creating amazing work. 

I ran into another past New School of Colour member while going to pick up a snow suit for my eldest daughter. The funny thing is, he didn’t even recognize me at first. Lol

He asked me; “Do you by any chance have a cousin named Paula, that goes by the name of Pooks?” And this where I said I am Pooks. Lol However, it would have been funny if I played along and said yes I do have a cousin. But nah.  However, it was good to catch up. I asked if he and another artist whom created an art piece called “Adam” a couple years ago (for Up with Art), we’re going to make “Eve” as they have planned. He replied with some day. There’s been talk about it. Wouldn’t that be awesome?!

He just got out of London Housing, and is living in a nice community now.  I told him that I am basically getting back into London Housing.  Starting over. 

It’s good to see people I used to see so regularly doing so well now. 

Anyways, my youngest daughter did awesome during her 18 month shots. She fussed more when getting measured. Lol Anyways, she’s 3 feet tall, and weighs 30.7 lbs! She’s muh big baby. Muh pudge. I’m so proud. 

That’s enough for now.  Until next time…peace and love! -Pooks