Explosion of Babble

Hi again!

Not too much going on lately.

I have been working on my Inktober drawings when I can. I do want to complete those so that I can add them to a poetry book that I am working on. I plan to publish that on Amazon. As I’ve mentioned before….

However finding time to myself in order to create has been challenging. My attention is on constant demand by one person or another. Kids are an exception, however, I wish my eldest daughter didn’t wait until the little ones went to bed. There goes any time to myself. Oh well. I’ll find a way. I need to find a way. Especially since I need to work on my TAE20 art piece. I volunteered to submit an art piece for a raffle at a Stag and Doe. Just need to get it done.

So my Inktober drawings may have to be put aside for things that have deadlines. My Inktober that carried onto November, just might get pushed back to December. If even. Christmas is as crazy as is. Especially since my youngest sons Birthday is on the 27th. Little man will be 2 years old!! Exciting!

But yeah, my own personal project can wait. I got an international fundraiser piece and Stag and Doe raffle prize to work to on.

I am happy to see that St Richards Catholic College received my postcard painting for thier #sophiespostcard2020 fundraiser. All proceeds go to the Royal Marsden Cancer Society. So yaaaaay!! My art is back in the U.K!

What else? I called my eldest sons CAS worker to see if he would be interested in a visit since he said to me on a YouTube Live video that I would see him soon. Nope. His worker said that hes not interested. And according to his sister, she says it’s because he knows his father is around. Of coarse he is. It would be illegal to cut all access to his child. So I have to find a way to make this co-parenting thing work. I know he doesn’t like his father too much, and I forgive him way too much. More than he deserves. But he is his father. And what I want is for my kids to be able to have both parents, and have some kind of relationship with both parents, even if we aren’t together. Yes, he’s made mistakes. But who doesn’t? At least he consistently comes back and tries and tries and tries again. I appreciate that, even though his persistence may annoy me sometimes.

Long ago he said this Bruno Mars song called grenade is what he’d dedicate to me. But as I watch as much crap his daughter puts him through, and he keeps coming back… I think that song should be what he dedicates to her. Lol Needless to say, he goes through alot for her. She is always pestering him. Play fighting. She picks on him ALOT. Like shes trying to show she’s the Alpha here. But hes been incredibly patient, and no matter what, even if they bicker, he’ll come back like they never bickered at all.

So yeah, her father and I were talking about this, regarding other issues. But the question was, “Do you believe people can change?” We both said yes.

Of coarse people can change. They can change thier lives in an instant. How so? By being mindful of thier thoughts, and choosing to focus on positive thoughts, therefore attracting more positive experiences in thier lives. It takes practice. Trust me, I find myself in a grumpy rant about sidewalks and I’m like, oh shit! Think of something else! Think of something else! I want to attract good things. A good life. I believe I am worthy.

Anyways, it’s a little bit of a downer that my son declined any visits with his sister or family. But I am not going to dwell over it. I’ll try again the month after that, and the month after that, and the month after that. Because one day, hes going to have to face his family. Including his father one day. He doesn’t have to be at the visits. I can tell him to go, and he’ll go. But my eldest son will have to face his father one day. And he may be angry, hurt about the past but I can tell you one thing. His father wont fight back. His father will just welcome him with love.

Pain changes people. And he’s been through alot since the kids were apprehended.

Not to mention that I think he realizes that I make a better friend, than an enemy. And quite honestly, I like it when were friends and not enemies.

Yes, there was the behind my back shit talking. But he apologized more than once, and I forgave…again. I doubt he stopped. It’s been a habit of his for years. Gossip, trash talk, rumours. The point is, when I forgive, I take the pain of that betrayals power away. So it will have more of an effect on the shit talker than me.

Looking at this situation even closer. People are not brought into your life by accident. So there is something about him, that I need to understand because he is a reflection of myself. Not completely, but maybe a part of myself I keep trying to shut out. Like maybe if I just accept him as he is, I will accept a part of myself as is.

I’ll give him credit though, I have learned alot from him. Society labels him as crazy, but I think hes just more aware than many. However, like many do, they focus on what’s wrong with the world, rather than using thier minds power to create a new world. Envisioning the outcome of all these protests all over the world. Mentally picturing the victory of the people over the 1% elites. Not just once either, that needs to be a dominant thought/ desire of many to manifest it into reality. Our minds are more powerful than we think. In fact, our conciousness is because we are capable of choosing our thoughts to manifest into this reality.

Anyways, maybe one day our eldest son will forgive his father. What matters is what he does in the present. And so far, I’ve seen a continuous effort to be apart of his daughters life. He just wants to help with her upbringing.

He just needs a safe place for his daughter to visit. We thought he had that with his new place, but I guess someone followed him from the South end, and now lives right above him. And now his new place of solitude, isn’t really a place of solitude. In fact, he doesn’t want his daughter to visit him there. So that says alot. I don’t know. Maybe he needs to get out of London Housing completely. I gave him some ideas of what he could do, but in the end, it’s up to him to follow through.

What else? I’ve been kind of stuck at home because plowing a stroller on these unmaintainted sidewalks after snowfall is a bitch. Yeah, rather than wasting my energy, I would rather conserve it. Even it makes us hermits for awhile.

I did attempt to get my daughter to her dance class on Monday, but we didn’t make it. A walk that should take 15-20 minutes, now takes an hour or more.

My eldest daughter was home sick for a couple of days, and I think we’re all coming down with something. Time to up on the vitamin c, garlic, cinnamon, etc. I add cinnamon to my coffee grinds when I make coffee in the morning. It helps. It felt like I was coming down with another chest cold, I seem to catch those alot.

I was following the Hyperian movement, but after I asked Morgue a question, and he deleted it, was a big enough answer to me. I asked how is him profiting off his followers any different than capitalism or mainstream religions. Instead of answering, my question was deleted. Shame.

I mean, there are other movements that dont require your money. Anonymous, Yellow Vests, etc.

Many activists believe information, or education should be free. But Morgue charges $30 plus shipping and handling for his information. Then another $30 for another book. And another.

Sure the information may be valuable, may not be, but many can find his sources such as Mike Hockney, and go from there.I recall his recommendation of the God Series. Do the research yourself without the pricetag. Not to mention venture into quantum mechanics, quantum physics, astronomy, mathematics, and astrophysics.

I’m sure many of those topics can be accessed through a public library. So thank him for pointing the direction, but I wont support him capitalizing off his followers. That is where I draw a line.

Wow, can you tell I haven’t written in awhile. I’m all over the place. However, it feels good to get whatevers on my mind off my mind.

Oh, my eldest daughter, her father and I went to the Santa Claus Parade last weekend. That was nice. I am trying to give my daughter and her father more positive experiences together. So that they can create positive memories that can outweigh the past. It’s strange how my eldest daughter remembers mostly negative things, but her father has positive memories. So it couldn’t have been all bad. However, negative experiences can wipe out positive memories in some cases. Speaking from experience, it’s amazing what trauma can do. But then again, there is apart of me that doesn’t want to look back, and just keep trekking forward. What’s the point anyways? The past is gone. There’s only now. And it’s a constant now. So I might as well make the best of…now. For myself, for the people around me. You know? Just keep trying my best.

Have I bored you yet? This blog is turning into an explosion of babble. But I guess that’s what happens when a writer doesn’t write for an extended amount of time. Lol. I shall it at that.

Oh oh oh! One more thing. In December I plan on visiting the Eldon House. I’ve never been there before, and I guess they will have it all decorated in a Victorian style. So I think that will be neat! It will be like stepping into a time machine or something. Just something I look forward to doing in the future.

And… now I will end it. Yes. Right here. Thank you for reading! Peace and love! – Pooks

You become what you think about most.. But you also attract what you think about most. – John Assaraf