The Art Piece

October 11, 2017

Yesterday was pretty busy. I  had to go sign some court papers for a trial management conference coming up. My eldest childrens father basically asking for either custody or unsupervised access.  But since I’ve seen his home, he’s not ready yet. 

However, by having more visits with his daughter through me, the motivation to at least clean a little is improving slowly. 

I also had a prenatal appointment yesterday.  Things are looking good for River. However, the doctor wants to schedule another ultrasound in 6 weeks to get a measurement since my last baby was so big. 

I also gotta do the blood work soon to check for diabetes.  That appointment should be interesting with a toddler, especially since I gotta sit around for an hour after drinking an orange drink that tastes like a flat orange crush.  

I also have to call the hospital soon, start my birth plan. Fill paper work out. Yep, getting closer and closer to Rivers arrival. 

Today I called the Housing Access Centre, and they basically said that I will have to re-apply for housing once my arrears are paid off. My application for housing from June will no longer be valid. Isn’t that great?! So what is that? Another 3 months of waiting? 

Then, I  get a call from my lawyers office to tell me that I need to get my things from my ex partners address because he’s moving. Apparently it is more than a cab can carry, so I might need something bigger…

There is no space here at the shelter to hold my things, so who do I have to turn to? My eldest children’s father. Yeah, his place may be a mess, but at least he has the space to hold onto our things until we get a place….whenever that will be.

So with my ex-partner moving, how will I know which area of the city to stay away from? 

Anyways, I started to fill out another application, and saw that birth certificates were needed. Fuck! I managed to get my children thiers, but my own??? Thanks to my eldest foster brother and aunt, they helped me out over Facebook with the birth places of my foster parents. I actually learned some things I didn’t know. For example, I thought my foster mother was born in Quebec.  Nope. Turned out to be a different province. It’s amazing how you can live with someone for so long, and know so little about them. 

I also need to go to the Public Dominion building to get my youngest daughters SIN number. 

I do have a  townhouse to view on Friday. Gotta try to stay positive, despite all the sudden obstacles. 

Thanks to the Online Art auction, and the CCB that I will be receiving on the 20th, my debt for arrears can finally be paid off in full. And I will no longer have to worry about it. 

However, I  was hoping that would mean that my application would go from pending to processed. Not start all over again… 

I left to go Halloween costume shopping at Walmart with my children. My eldest daughter will be Harley Quinn, and my baby girl will a clown, her little sidekick. Too cute.

We met up with my eldest daughters father because he has clothes for our son that he wants my eldest daughter can pass on to our son tomorrow.  

Anyways, I  needed to get out.  Even if it was wet and cold outside. I needed to get out and vent a little. Ya know? Maybe I’m thinking too far ahead and giving myself anxiety. But yeah, my ex said not to worry about having to fill out another application, I should get into housing fairly quick just for the fact that I’m pregnant and how far long I am. 

October 14th, 2017

My eldest daughter has a stomach flu, so we won’t be going anywhere this weekend. 

We did have plans to go to a friends place and create some art, but hopefully another time. 

In the meantime it’s an indoor weekend, letting my eldest daughter recover and rest.

I’m pretty much bracing myself for one hell of a busy week ahead. But by the end of it, I should have the arrears paid off to First Nations Housing Co-Op and a new application in for the Housing Access Centre. 

Monday I got to pick up some things from my ex partners place because he’s moving out. Plus my eldest daughter has her Equine Therapy. 

Tuesday…my eldest daughter has her visit with her father.  I have blood work to get done…

Wednesday…. I start my birth plan, calling the hospital and getting things ready for the big day. 

Thursday… I  have a trial management conference to attend to at the court house.  My eldest daughters father is either trying to get custody or unsupervised access. However, in my response, he’s not ready for that yet if he cannot take care of himself or his home. 

Of course it’s scheduled for 2:30pm. So I  had to make some arrangements with Merrymount and a friend.  My youngest daughter will be at Merrymount until 4:30pm. I can pick her up after court. And my eldest daughter will be picked up at school by a friend and brought to me at the courthouse after she’s done school. Thank Merrymount for extending the time of my youngest daughters stay , and my friend for helping me out with this, ya know? Especially since I cannot be at 3 places at once. 

Friday is the 20th. Which means I should get my CCB, and I can pay off the remaining arrears that I owe. 

I also have an appointment at Merrymount that day to set up the Supervised Exchanges so that my ex partner can start his bi- weekend visits with my youngest daughter.  It’s going to be so strange not having her around. I hope she’ll be okay. He can’t do what he used to, she’s a toddler now, and needs constant supervision. She gets into everything. 

At least by the end of the week, a new housing application will be submitted, and hopefully it won’t take too much longer until we get into housing. 

October 16, 2017

So I  got some stuff back from my ex partners place. 

Thank my eldest daughters father for helping and getting a friend of his to help out. 

Anyways, my ex partner wasn’t supposed to be there, I had to call my lawyers office and have them call him to leave. But he just showed up later anyways. So I didn’t breech my order, he just doesn’t follow instructions very well that were given to him by my lawyer. Maybe he’s so full of himself he thinks he’s above the law. 

Anyways, I  didn’t get a chance to take everything that was mine. I still left a lot behind. That’s okay. Furniture and stuff is replaceable.  

I did get my painting back that I did of my youngest daughter.  But get this, it wasn’t packed with my belongings, it was stashed in one of my ex partners boxes (he’s getting ready to move). So that weasel thought he could act all sweet to my face, but attempt to steal an art piece of mine that I created??? Rightfully so, I took it back. If he wants a painting of our daughter he can pay for it! I put a lot of work into that painting, it is the artists decision whom it belongs to. It’s mine! I decide what to do with it.  And just the fact that he tried to steal it from me?? Ugh! That 2 faced goof!! I’m really not happy about that. He knew damn well I valued that painting and that I was going to come back for it eventually.  Fuck him. Just for trying to steal it, the price for HIM when it comes to that painting will be $800. Just for being a fuckin dick. 

Anyways, it’s a good thing I cancelled my daughter’s Equine Therapy today, because I completely forgot about a CAS appointment at 4pm. So things worked out. I rescheduled my eldest daughters counselling and I was able to give CAS an update in person. 

I told her that my ex partner showed up when he wasn’t supposed to be there when I was getting my belongings today.  And she told me to make sure I tell my lawyer that as well…so my lawyers office got an email. 

Anyways, one day down of a busy week. 4 more days to go. It will get done! 

Thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks 

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Gobble Gobble

October 8th, 2017

Hi again, 

If you haven’t noticed, I  have another LDNONT Online Art auction going on, this time, featuring other local artists. Proceeds go to paying paying off the arrears to First Nation Housing Co-op. In order for my family to qualify for subsidized housing, the arrears for any social housing needs to be paid. 

I owe arrears because when I let my ex partner move in he didn’t pay the rent. I was cut off OW, because he made too much. And First Nation Housing Co-op wouldn’t add him to the lease without him doing his taxes. So, since the address was under my name, I get the bill for his lack of responsibility.  That pretty much sums that up. 

However, I have put a dent into my debt thanks to donations, and selling art. The amount I owe should be down to $1,679. Thanks to everyone that has helped out. You rock!

Anyways, I  completely didn’t consider the fact that my Online Art Auction would run into Thanksgiving weekend, so I’ll probably do a part 2, and host another featuring other artists. Hence giving bidders more time, and more artists more time to submit thier work that they’d like to donate to my cause. 

Anyways, the current auction ends on the 10th at 4pm. I was blown away by the art local artists have submitted, wow. Gorgeous work. And the fact they donated thier art to help get my family into housing? Even more wow! It just goes to show that there are some amazing people out there. Not only talented, but it shows that there are people in the world that are compassionate, empathetic, and just have good solid hearts. 

Feel free to check out thier work on Facebook by clicking the following link…

https://www.facebook.com/events/1963962783875878/?ti=cl

In other news, I  received an online message from the creator of the International Indigenous Unity Flag. He apologized for what he said to me in the past, and admitted that he actually appreciated my efforts to stand up for his flag and it’s meaning and purpose when it was being abused by Idle No More. I  remember taking a lot of verbal abuse online for doing so. I was ganged up on by so many so-called activists. I remember being so disgusted by thier behavior that I backed out of supporting that grassroots uprising. So years after the fact, I get a thank you for that. Hmm…it’s nice to see my actions were actually appreciated. Especially since it was like one versus a million. Not really, more like one versus ten  immature so called activists. You’re welcome. What more can I say? 

It was an experience that opened my eyes to sheep mentality. Once one person starts, others follow. A bunch of monkey see, monkey do, without really thinking thier actions through.  It’s scary how human minds work sometimes. Our minds are so fragile, and easily manipulated…to the point where bullying one individual with a different opinion but supported the same cause is deemed as okay. To attack thier own. Of course a movement like that won’t succeed, unless your minds are truly open and extended. A true heightened awareness, which those individuals lacked. They’ve reached a point to where it’s like, let’s fight everyone for no reason. Just fight for the sake of fighting to the point they forget the point. 

It is the Thanksgiving weekend. Today we’re staying in, tomorrow we might visit my eldest daughters father. He’s at least willing to cooperate as a co-parent.  He wants to help us out as much as he can. Which isn’t much, but the effort is appreciated. 

However, he talks about wanting his kids back, or wanting unsupervised access, or weekends.  But he makes no effort to show or prove that that is what he wants. Such as fixing up his home. Aren’t your kids worth it? Yeah, you’re depressed. But if your goal is weekend access, then he needs to make some changes. But I  guess that’s for him to figure out.

I’m not saying he’s not making an effort. I mean, he has realized just how valuable time with his daughter is. And the fact he wants to spend as much time with her as he can, that’s a positive change. It’s just when it comes to his environment.  He still doesn’t take care of his home. Just because you’re in low income housing doesn’t mean it has to look like low income housing. 

He was saying that he may have to move if I get into subsidized housing, because our kids can’t be registered in 2 places. So he might have to transfer to something smaller for singles. But he says that’s okay. I’m the one with the kids. 

That’s if I  can get into housing. I still have a bit of arrears to pay. So I’m also seeking in the private market.  The last place I went to go view was already taken.  It was a a little house for $900. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Living that close to Wharncliffe Rd (which is extremely busy) with a toddler is a scary thought.  

However, I  have 2 other places I was asked to call back on Tuesday and Wednesday to see if the applications they have fall through. If so, then I can schedule a viewing. One is for an apartment. The other is for a townhouse. Both for around  $900. 

October 9, 2017

Happy Thanksgiving! I still would rather say Happy Gratitude Day. I refuse to celebrate the genocide of my ancestors. And I think gratitude is something that should be practiced on a daily basis.  Not just one day. But whatever. Enjoy your holiday with family and friends. 

I realize the past cannot be changed.  Only the present. But even today, natives still struggle.  Natives are still going missing and being murdered.  Perhaps today would be a good day to reflect on the lives that were lost, just as we do for veterans on Remembrance Day. 

Anyways, what else? My eldest daughter cannot wait til the 12th. That is the day she gets to see her older brother again. She said that her big brother said that he looks forward to meeting his little brother one day, and seeing his youngest sister again. So that gives me hope. I will see him again one day.  Sad that that’s years from now. But grateful that he plans to return to visit us in 5 years or so when he’s of age. I will wait as I always have. In the meantime, I’ll try my best to raise the 3 children I do have in my care.

It’s strange, after talking to my eldest children’s father, he reported to me that Vanier cut contact between my eldest son, and his eldest daughter.  Nothing like alienating my son away from his family after I did what I could to keep family in touch. Regardless, I will stay in touch with her, and my eldest sons grandmother, on his father’s side. She still has my email address.

Which reminds me, her and her son should be happy. I changed the picture I had up on my Go Fund Me page.  Both were accusing me of exploiting my children. Which is utterly ridiculous! But out of respect, I did as they wished and changed the image. 

For anyone not in London, ON that cannot part take in my online art auction. Due to the fact that I am trying to save money to pay off my arrears, not spend on shipping and handling.  You still have that option and opportunity to donate if you’d like at…

https://www.gofundme.com/help-a-homeless-family-get-housing

As for local followers, keep in mind that the current Online Art auction ends on Tuesday at 4pm. However, keep an eye out for another one in the near future as well. 

Thanks for reading! Peace and love- Pooks 

Much More than That

September 26, 2017

The lady that bought my paintings from the Museum of Ontario Archaeology had contacted me on Twitter, and wants to meet me. That’s cool. Tea in a park sounds like a good idea, especially since I have a toddler that will have a blast in at the park. 

It will be interesting to hear what it is about my painting that moved her. I look forward to meeting her and thanking her in person. 

If I don’t get this place that I’ll be viewing Thursday, I’ll be more focused on paying my arrears to First Nation Housing Co-op and getting into London Housing. 

The clock is ticking…pregnancy wise. Ya know? I’m 6 months pregnant, my baby is due in 3 months…I’d kinda like to be settled in somewhere before I  get too close to my due date. This mama is ready to start nesting. 

September 29, 2017

Today was a P.D day, so my daughters and I stayed in the shelter most of the day. It was raining and cold most of the day anyways. I  hope it warms up a bit for Nuit Blanche tomorrow. 

We’ve had visits here and there with my Eldest daughters father.  He appreciates the time. He calls his son his heart, his daughter his soul, and since our son is in foster care he says; at least he still has his soul. 

Had my son come to more of my visits, his father probably would have his heart in his life too. But things didn’t work out that way. 

According to my eldest daughter, she said my son thinks that he’ll only be in foster care temporarily, that it will only be 5 years. Which is correct, by the time he can legally make a decision he’ll be a young adult and off on his own. But I feel like the organizations involved made him feel like he has control of the situation, when in reality, he doesn’t.  CAS does. 5 years is a lot of time away to be separated from his family. Especially since, and I quote CAS saying that I didn’t do anything wrong. 

Anyways, the shelter I’m at wants me to put a halt to paying arrears to First Nation Housing Co-op, because they say that the London Housing Registry and First Nation Housing Co-op are not connected in anyway. They also want to make sure , or double check on some things since there seems to be some confusion again. The London Housing Registry is saying that I owe arrears for 580 Dundas Street, even though I have never lived there. Hmm…I wonder why thier system keeps saying that. 

The same happened at the previous shelter, and that’s how we discovered that I owe First Nation Housing Co-op.  But yeah, I  guess I gotta go through the whole thing again just so everyone involved is on the same page so to speak. 

I still plan to go ahead with the Online Art auction, which will involve other local talent donating thier work to my cause. That way, if it turns out that it is First Nation Housing Co-op that I owe, whom I’ve been paying, then I’ll be ready to hopefully pay the rest. Then I’ll be out of debt, and my housing application can go from pending to finally being processed as a priority on the waiting list. 

I did apply for a place I viewed on Thursday, and if I do get it, my budget will be extremely tight for a 3 bedroom apartment on the main floor of a house. It’s small, cozy, but I think I could make it work. But finances will be tight since for a mom of 2 only gets $600 and something for rent from OW. I would have to take $300 from my CCB for rent and survive off of $1000 pretty much. But then again, it’s plus utilities…so minus $200. That would be…surviving off of $800 for a family of 3, going on 4 per month. Tight. You can see why I’d rather get into housing that is rent geared to income.  It’s still tight, but a bit more manageable. Plus the plan is to use both housing and OW as stepping stones. Like OW said, I’ve been on and off OW so much over the years, they cannot look back into my past history records because it basically re-opens from scratch. So I have no intention of being permanently on OW. I would like to buy a home one day for my family, get my drivers license, etc.  I want to build and improve our lives. That requires a job and hard work. I do have goals, I just need a clearer sense of direction. And no, that doesn’t mean having someone else plan my life for me. In fact, I  want more control of my life. 

In other news… I  posted an ad to assist with my search for housing on kijiji. But go figure, the response I get is a man talking from his penis. This guy that emails me says they want a relationship built on love, trust, and lust. Fuck lust. That shit got me in a shit load of shit over the years. Put your damn dick away, and get it through your head. I’m looking for housing, not a mate, dumbass! I’m not interested in a relationship. Especially not after the shit I’ve been through with the father’s of my children.  Men are incompetent of reaching my standards.  I demand a father, not a drunken roommate, not a mooch, or abusive dead beat. I wanted equality as a parent.  That’s too much to ask  for apparently. I’m better off on my own than with another loser only concerned about thier dick. Dream the fuck on buddy! I’d rather focus on my kids than wasting my time on another man. So yeah, bye. Fuckin guy thinks he’s in love based on a pic of my face. Lame! You don’t know me from a hole in the ground.  Don’t even start with that shit.  

I’m tired of men only seeing me as a baby making machine. I am so much more than that. 

I swear, River is the last child I will be having. No more after him. 

I brought 3, soon to be 4 beautiful children into this world. That’s not a crime. Even though some people act as though it is. My children aren’t the mistakes. They’re the blessings. Thier father’s however…just made me stronger. Let’s just put it that way. I realized that I wasn’t going to get the support I needed from them, so I have to step up and become the support my children and I need. 

October 1, 2017

We went to Nuit Blanche with my eldest daughters father. Our curfew got extended to 10pm that night. 

However, most of our time was spent waiting for my eldest daughter to finish creating her alien out of a styrofoam at the London Museum.  It turned out pretty good since she put a lot of time and effort into it.

I found that Nuit Blanche wasn’t as big as it normally is. But than again it is normally in July and not in September.  

Also, for an art event, there weren’t that many artists on the street.  Sure there were poets, and the dancers were tucked away in an alley. So for people walking straight down Dundas, the event was mostly of other people walking by. I was a bit disappointed considering so much effort was put into previous years, and this year, not so much. I know London has more to offer than that. More dancers could have been involved from all sorts of cultures. Even the theatrical artists, or even improv. Local painters/ artists or non profit art related organizations didn’t even have thier stuff on display, or doing a public art session.  Chalk artists could have been decorating the streets. Local Photographers could have had backgrounds, or booths for people to pose for thier picture. There were no DJ’S this year. Thier music kinda sets the mood and makes people want to dance. So yeah, Nuit Blanche London Ontario edition was kinda slacking this year. And something I would love to see is recycled art. People turning garbage into works of art. It makes a huge statement regarding the environment, plus it’s amazing to see what people can create from it. That could have even been an interactive art thing with the public. There wasn’t even any fire this year. Wither it be Stranger or Danger, or the blacksmiths that create music as they do thier thing. More people need to wonder the streets in costume…That would get make up artists and costume designers involved. Temporary walls could have been set up for graffiti artists. More musicians could have been playing on the street. Even set up drum circles. Ya know? I thought London took pride in thier art community, and I didn’t see it last night.  And I shall end my critique and ideas there. What the hell London?!

Masks! I love masks.  They could have had a station where people made thier own masks, and off they wonder onto Dundas wearing art!! 

I’m still going on about it. Haha! Sorry. I’ll stop now. Seriously, this time. Ending now. 

Tomorrow is Monday, so it’s back to the same old same old. My eldest daughter goes to school, as I have appointments or try to get shit done during the day with my little companion.  

Note to self, I  have to pick my daughter up early tomorrow for her counseling appointment.  

Hard to believe it’s already October, and it’s been 4 months without a home. Patience Pooks, patience… We’ll get through this.

Thanks for reading! Peace and love! – Pooks 

5 Days

September 20, 2017

Hi again, 

I got some good news yesterday.  One of the paintings that I put on display at the Museum of Ontario  Archaeology had been sold. So they will be mailing me the cheque. I was told that the buyer was touched by the painting and really wanted to support the artist. If you recall, I had donated the paintings to the Museum, but that’s cool that the buyer wants to support me. Thank you so much. So I will probably get a cheque in the mail next week, and that will go towards paying off more of the arrears that I owe the First Nation Housing Co-op.  Thank the Museum for doing this for the buyer, since I did donate my art to the Museum.  

What else? Today my eldest daughter starts counseling.  I think it would be a good for her since she’s been through so many changes in the last few years.  Change of schools and friends, a not so nice step dad, being apprehended from her father, her big brother being placed in foster care, and new baby sister and (soon to be brother on the way), living in shelters…Every now and then she says she has the worst life ever.  And I  try to tell her that she doesn’t.  There’s people out there that suffer much worst. However, she doesn’t blame me for the stupid decisions I’ve made regarding trying to improve our lives by dating my ex partner.  But she is angry at her father. I try to tell her that he is trying. But I  get why she’s angry. He should have made this amount of effort before he lost the children. 

Funny how these men don’t shape up until they lose what they’ve taken for granted. Then they want to be a part of thier children’s lives and be there for them. It should have been that way all along. Why wait until thier gone, then decide you actually want that responsibility now.  

We didn’t get the townhouse that we viewed last Saturday.  A different family was chosen. 

Finding a home in the private market is tough, because you’re competing with hundreds, possibly a thousand, other applicants. And majority of the homes in the private market are way over my budget.  So I apply anyways hoping I will find a flexible landlord that can rent geared to income. 

September 21, 2017

I can’t thank whomever bought my art recently.  Especially after someone posting publicly on my Go Fund Me page, saying that my art is a shame to the art world.  That my art is just doped up doodles. That’s funny considering that I don’t do drugs period. Not even marijuana. So to say that just proves that whomever posted that knows nothing about me. Not only that, but they were bitching that my arrears were for the government, when in fact, it’s for First Nation Housing Co-op.  It needs to be payed off according to the Housing Registry so that my housing application can go from pending to processed. But yeah, nothing like judging without knowing what’s really going on. Stupid people. 😑

But yeah, having someone support and buy my art was a confidence boost, after being slammed down like that. Whomever posted on my Go Fund Me page like that, has no idea what they’re talking about, and are probably just jealous. 

I just finished another painting here at the shelter, and the women all say that I am gifted and talented. So nyeh! 😝

I am Pooks the artist, and writer. You can’t change that. No one can.

September 22, 2017

I am excited that my curfew at the shelter got extended on the 30th. That means my daughter’s and I can go to Nuit Blanche, which is one of my favorite festivals in London, ON. It’s no wonder too, considering it is a visual arts festival.  Yaaay!

September 23, 2017

A friend of mine came up with a brilliant idea to help pay off the arrears. 

The idea is to try another online art auction, but to get people we know involved by donating thier art. The proceeds will go to my Go Fund Me fundraiser.  Genius!

Last time I tried it, I did it on my own with only 1 art piece. Had I had more art to offer, it might have been more successful.  However, trying the same idea again with the help of other local artists, and variety of styles, it just might work. It doesn’t hurt to try. 

September 24, 2017

Yesterday we went to visit my eldest daughters father.  He says our company motivates him to do better. 

Anyways, we attended the Southdale Bible Chapel BBQ, and the people there were very nice and welcoming.  Thanks to them for being excellent hosts/hostess’. It sure was a beautiful day for a barbecue.  

And now it’s Sunday. We’re going to stay indoors today. My eldest daughter watched Spirited Away.  Which is her new favorite movie. I noticed she really enjoys anime cartoons and books. 

I emailed a landlord back. That said they were renting a townhouse by Fanshawe Park Rd and Trossak for $1000. However, I viewed a unit already through Harmony Management and they were asking for $1700 + utilities.  So this recent “landlord” I’m in touch with is questionable.  I asked them to send me pictures of the unit, and they look nothing like what I had viewed before. So I’m starting to think it’s a scam. Especially since this landlord isn’t in Canada, thier in Cambodia. I would rather deal with a local landlord face to face. Especially after dealing with out of town con artists in the past. So yeah, watch out for those if your seeking for housing. Trust your gut. 

Not to mention, being homeless, I am in no position for being scammed. 

If I can get this other 3 bedroom unit (mainfloor of a house) that I will be looking at on Thursday; maybe we could live there for a year until I can get into housing. River can stay in my room until he’s ready for a crib. Then I will need more space, or my daughter’s  ( whom are 8 years apart) may have to share a room. However, my eldest daughter is getting to that age where she might want more privacy, and independence.  

I know I’m getting pretty tired of living in a shelter. We’ve lived in one shelter for 3 months, and another for 3 weeks. After awhile you start to get ansy and just want your own space. Don’t get me wrong. I am grateful for the shelters, and the staff. They’ve all been amazing. But to have a home of our own would be nice.

My Go Fund Me page is still up and running. Your donations makes a difference.  Thanks to everyone that has donated, and to those that do!

https://www.gofundme.com/help-a-homeless-family-get-housing

Thank you for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks 

Freakin Online Stalker 

September 18, 2017

Hi  again, 

So I got a call from my Criminal Law lawyer on Friday with an update with what’s going on with the assault charge. Things just seem to be adjourning, and ongoing. 

I guess since things arent going as quickly as my ex-partner had hoped (like they did with his ex) he’s now complaining to the court about my Facebook statuses.  Yup, things aren’t going his way so let’s try to nail her for this, and for that. He seems to be getting rather desperate. 

For someone that has been blocked from my social media since the day I left, it’s funny how he can see what is posted. Not to mention, alarming. You’d think this behavior would raise some concern. I mean, in both court cases, family law and criminal law, he’s mentioned my social media. But then again, I  guess I’m just another ex he trolls online now. Freakin online stalker. I’m the one that should have a restraining order against him, this guy’s a fuckin creep.

It’s either that, or he’s getting his friends and family to check up on my social media on his behalf. If so, that would make them losers with no life. Seriously, you got nothing better to do than troll my ex-partner ex? Lame! 

But I guess I  am not supposed to be discussing my court cases. Here’s the thing though, I write for mental health reasons. It helps me analyze things by reflecting on the events in my life. Especially those such as court which can cause a great amount of stress. If I don’t find a way to cope, how am I to cope? Ya know? Writing and art works for me. It cleared my head from thoughts that could potentially eat away at me. 

If he’s trying to silence me, than maybe he should have thought twice before dating an introverted blogger. I think I  am allowed to express myself creatively. That’s what writers do. That’s what artists do. 

If he’s trying to silence me, than there must be some truth to what I am saying otherwise why else would he want to shut me up? 

But yeah, when it comes to court, either family law or criminal, he’s just knit picking at this point. 

I find it funny how he keeps bringing up my eldest daughter, how he’s concerned she’s in foster care, or for her well being. Yet in reality, he never gave a shit about her, and threatened to have her taken from me and put into foster care for crying out loud. What kind of “caring parent” does that?? So don’t even pretend that you care about her or that you’re  concerned. Matter of fact, stop bringing her up in court. She’s not your child, and both my eldest children want nothing to do with my ex-partner. So that should scream volumes. 

When I  mentioned to CAS that my ex partner was granted access to our baby daughter. She showed immediate concern. The only reason they didn’t step in before, was because I was there, and sober. I told her that it’s in the court order, he cannot drink 8 hours prior, or during his access with our baby. So that relieved her a bit.  So if  it weren’t for me, our baby daughter probably would have been apprehended. He should count his lucky stars for me, but he’s got his head shoved too far up his own ass. He’s lucky he even gets access. 

Speaking of access, my intake appointment for the Supervised Exchanges at Merrymount isn’t until the 20th of October. Kind of makes me wonder how he’ll handle from noon on a Saturday to 6pm on a Sunday. Especially without having me to pass her off to after 5 minutes or less. 

Anyways, in other news. I called CRA and told them that I am no longer with my ex partner, and haven’t been since June. And that both my daughter’s are in my care. I also told them that I cannot make my ex-partner do his taxes, but mine is done. With that being said, the CCB will get processed on the 26th and released in October. Finally. It will help with housing.  Things are starting to look up. 

Even though I did view a place on Saturday, and I  have another viewing on the 28th. Both are in the private market. 

Ideally, I  want to pay off my arrears so my family can get into subsidized housing, and the rent will be more affordable. At least until I can get my feet back on the ground. 

There’s a new aboriginal program that helps single mom’s get a post secondary education. I know I’ve tried 3 times at a post secondary education , but maybe the 4th time will be it.  Ya know? Gotta keep trying. At least this time I know there’s groups for anxiety.  But yeah, one thing at a time. That’s in the future. For now, focus on housing.

Ontario Aboriginal Housing said they had a 3 bedroom townhouse available, but it’s in Wallaceburg, ON. Considering I have so many things that tie me to London, I think that offer will be my last resort. 

My eldest son is living with a foster family in Cambridge, and according to my eldest daughter (since she’s the only one that gets visits with him), she says he seems happy. As long as he’s happy, healthy and safe. That gives me some relief.

 He’s getting his wish. He wanted a baby brother. Hopefully my eldest son will meet him one day. 

Anyways, I have to clean, and get ready to pick up my eldest daughter from school. Thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks 

P.S Your donations are appreciated.  

https://www.gofundme.com/help-a-homeless-family-get-housing

The Supporters and The Haters

September 10, 2017

Hi again, 

I noticed I didn’t mention some people for thier kindness, generosity and patience. A fellow artist that I met at the New School of Colour years ago, that is now an art therapist has been an amazing support. She has donated to my Go Fund Me fundraiser, and she bought my paintings that I had recently auctioned off. Not only that, but her parents have picked our stuff up from the last shelter, and are storing it at thier place.  Thank them all for being such amazing people. 

The staff at the last shelter we were at have all been so supportive. We miss them, and thank them for being so welcoming and supportive through these tough times.  

We’ve made new friends, women and children. Women who have gone through similar situations or worse. They are inspiring and I am grateful to have befriended them. 

It’s amazing what tough times can do. It reveals who your true friends are.  Or you meet people that feels like you were meant to meet them because they have something to teach wither they stay or not. They’ve made some sort of impact on your life.

As tough as things have been, I  believe it will get better. 

I spoke to my daughter, and she wanted me to promise to never date again. I told her that I cannot make that promise, but I do think I do better on my own.  Plus, I  am currently just not interested in a relationship.  I find modern day relationships to be isolating. That’s not for me. 

It’s like that Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater nursery rhyme. Creepy and isolating if you think about it.

Anyways, my eldest daughter also had confessed that she was trying to separate my ex-partner and I. And said that my son didn’t think we were compatible.  I  think he’s right. My ex partner and I were like a conformed sheep that cares too much what others think/ public image, with a wild wolf/ artist that values thier individuality. 

As for my daughter, resilience to a step parent is to be expected, and my ex partner had a crappy immature way of dealing with it. Trying to get even? Seriously? If anything, that opened my eyes to what I was involved with. 

September 11, 2017

I was definitely not expecting to see the following on my Go Fund Me page this morning.   

Needless to say, only cowards hide behind fake names and profile pics. And after all this talk about what good women deserve, how is this behavior any good?

I only have 2 current haters, and I doubt my eldest daughters grandmother who lives in the United Kingdom would waste thier time creating a fake profile, especially when she can and has emailed me directly.  

My other hater however, Shawna Cassandra has trolled my FB not to long ago. Not only that, but she has the time to do such things as fake profiles. Shes constantly on social media. She’s someone I met at the last shelter I was at, and she’s all bitter because I won’t be her friend. Note, she is an escort, and has a bad rep with CAS. The last thing I need is CAS judging me based on her. You get judged by the company you keep. So yeah, I  have my reasons. She’s not someone I want to associate with, nor have my children around on a regular basis.  Plus, based on her immaturity, too much drama that I’m just not interested in period. I’ve dealt with a clingy obsessive person before. Don’t need it. Don’t want it. 

As much as the messages infuriates me. I must step back and realize that haters only hate those that have something they don’t have. So she can try to knock me down, and belittle me, but I have a shit load of support. Including CAS.

As for calling my art a doodle? I’m sure there’s plenty of fans of my work in London, Ontario that would beg to differ. So what the fuck does this person know? Nothing. Sure I’m not in as many art exhibitions as I was in the past, but I’m still creating. 

But yeah, never fails. There’s always a hater. You can’t please everyone. 

The wonderful life of Pooks. Thanks for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks 

Significant Being

Sept 6, 2017

I haven’t written in awhile. 

But after my attempts to seek housing in the private market, I  am back to square one. Depending on my Go Fund Me page to help pay off arrears so that my housing application can be processed.  Most 3 to 4 bedroom homes on the private market are way over my budget, especially since I do not receive the CCB.  

We moved from one shelter after 3 months, to another. Something I tried to avoid. Thankfully my daughter’s are adjusting to the new environment.  Not with out some bumps and bruises. On the first day here my youngest fell down a flight of stairs on the deck. Thankfully there was only 4 steps. But still. And she ran full speed into the railing, AND she slipped between the bench and railing on a deck . So…yeah. Her first day was rough. 

My eldest daughter started school in the area. She thinks the teachers there are more strict than she’s used to. But they probably just have a different way of doing things than her last school. I’m sure she’ll be fine. She’s a good student.

I had court today. Had I not gone to the library to check my emails and whatnot, I  would have not known. I don’t have access to the Internet at my current shelter. So I can only access it if I were to go out and about. 

Anyways, my ex partner was hovering, and following me around. Yeah, I  had our baby daughter with me, it still doesn’t mean there isn’t a court order in place stating that I be nowhere near him or his home.  So when he’s coming to me, following me, and trying to speak with me, it makes that court order hard to follow. I’m not the one breaching when he can’t stay the fuck away from me. Heck, even my family lawyer noticed and had to escort him away a couple times to another area. 

So with that, my lawyer decided that there be no contact between him and I, if he needs to communicate with me in regards of our daughter, than he can speak to my lawyer. That makes me feel a little better. 

My ex partner was granted visitations. So they will be bi-weekly, and the exchanges will be supervised at Merrymount.  He is also not to drink 8 hours prior to his visit, or during. 

The next court case regarding that won’t be until March.  Til then, my youngest daughter is to be in my care. Thank god. 

I got my cell phone activated, and my number has changed.  It’s comforting to have some form of communication on me if I need it. 

Thank my eldest daughters father for helping out with some things when it comes to getting our eldest daughter prepped for school. I’ve met up with him a couple times to let him see his daughter outside of an organization.  CAS did confront me on this, and as long as I’m there, it’s been okay. 

Anyways, I  need to adjust to these extremely early mornings, and morning walks to school. So far so good. More like morning walks. My youngest daughter gets me out of bed by 6:30am/7am regardless.

Anyways, my eldest daughter got to experience some native tradition tonight.  We attended a moon ceremony, and it was cool. However, every time I  get asked to pray to a higher power, I always choke up and want to cry. I feel ashamed like I’m unworthy for a significant being (if there is one) to give me it’s time while I  beg for help. 

Sept 7, 2017

I am very fortunate to have people patiently waiting for me to get an address. There’s a couple women that follow me on Twitter that have been gathering items for my new home. However, it’s taking longer than I expected to get into housing. Thier kindness, generosity, and patience deserves every ounce of gratitude. I can’t thank them enough.  

I have a public health nurse that wants to help me out with the BBC.  She’s hoping something can be done over the phone that she can advocate. 

My CAS worker, she wrote CRA a letter to confirm that I am no longer with my ex partner, and that my daughter’s are in my care. So hopefully that will help. I will have to mail myself, but the fact that she wrote that for me is greatly appreciated.  

Today I  dropped off a money order to First Nations Housing Co-op, since my biological big sister sent me $100 through an e-transfer.  So now my debt is down to $1,979. Slowly but surely, my arrears are getting paid off. Thanks to everyone that has donated so far. You are the bestest!

Anyways, I am pretty tired. This pregnant single mama needs rest. Tomorrow is another day. 
If you have the heart to donate to my Go Fund Me page, please do. 

https://www.gofundme.com/help-a-homeless-family-get-housing

Thank you for reading. Peace and love! – Pooks